>Want to live a fully life, but too scared of the world to go out and experience it
>Have very little self-control in terms of eating habbits and money management
>Freeze up around new people, especially women, usually end up going silent and just listen to the conversation everyone else is having.
>When I do find it in me to talk I can barely carry a conversation, can never think of anything to talk about
>On the rare occasion a women does take interest in me, I become attached super fast, a lot of the times coming off as clingy and scaring them off
>Extremely picky eater, dislike most new food I try, most foods I do like are absolute garbage for me
>Have absolutely zero backbone, but everyone else before myself even if it means hurting myself because I can't stand hurting others.
>High stress levels, find myself absolutely losing it when I get stuck on college work, expensive shit get's lost/broken.
>Only thing that really makes me happy is approval of others.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceburg, I feel like nothing but a list of problems most days. I'm tired of living like this, but it all feels so overwhelming I don't know how to fix it.
Help, please.
>>17204742
Prepare for walk of text Senpai
I'm 22 and I have been the exact same way for as long I can remember, until I met up with a friend from highschool around 2 months ago.
She gave me the most basic advice.
>I know it's difficult, but try to learn how to stop caring what people think about you so much
She said this to me multiple times over the past 2 months, until it finally stuck with me. And over the past few weeks, things have slowly started to get better.
Obviously, you can't change self-consciousness that's been engraved into your personality for years, in the blink of an eye. You can't magically just say you wont care anymore, then open your eyes and be a different person. But you can change it, as long as you push yourself to take the initial steps to get out of that box. After you get over those first bumps in starting the process, progress comes easier with time.
One of the biggest bumps getting past is over-thinking everything about how everyone thinks of you. You have to stop yourself from doing that, at least on a constant basis. If you start worrying about that shit sitting alone, just do anything to push it out of your mind. Pick up a hobby, play games, anything as long as it's something that takes your mind off things. Out in public/with friends and those thoughts come? Fuck it, don't think about what could or might be true, and focus on the reality happening before your eyes. Because every moment is fleeting and won't happen again.
As for going out and experiencing stuff and overcoming your fears of new things, same basic concept. Someone invites you out to do something new? Go with them, do it. If you start feeling apprehensive, notice it, catch yourself, and tell yourself this is something you need to do. As you go out and try new things, you may like or dislike some of them. But each is an experience - ones that will help you get used to being in social situations and make you more comfortable little by little.
>>17204742
Oh boy, why does this sound like something I could've wrote...
>>17204966
I've heard a lot of this multiple times, but I think this is the best I've ever seen it put.
The problem is, I can never seem to pull off whatever mental gymnastics it's takes to distract myself/remove my anxieties from my mind. Once I start thinking about these things it feels like there's nothing I can do. I feel kinda powerless to my own mind.
No amount of "just do it" has helped me, even though eventually it seems to work for everyone else.
>>17204966
>continued
You may try things that you thought/"knew" you hated, and actually enjoy them since you're no longer constantly worried about how you're being perceived.
And if those thoughts still come back sometimes, as I said before, just push them out of your head. One thing to remember is that no matter how much you are afraid other people are judging you, you're being infinitely more harsh and judgmental to yourself than they ever will or could be. The overwhelming majority of people are caught up with either their own self-image, own stress, or enjoying their lives to sit around judging you all the time. And the people that typically do take time to think about you do so because they, in fact, like you/care about you. Otherwise, they wouldn't bother with you.
And as for the putting other before yourself, I've had this same problem. But remember, in your own life, you are king. That doesn't mean to treat others as if they're below you. It's a good trait to be someone who is kind and helpful to people, and it's not something you should necessarily stop doing. BUT do not do something for someone if it places you in a position to be hurt. Be someone that assists people, not a stepping stone for them. You don't owe anyone that hasn't gone to the same lengths for you anything. And the ones who have won't expect you to break your back for them. Don't let people guilt trip you or manipulate you into becoming a slave.
>>17204995
The starting step is to realize how much suffering and misery it's putting you through and to realize that you wouldn't have to go through all of that if you just forced yourself to stop
>>17204995
As long as you try to better yourself every day and not be a douche, ur good senpai, fuk da haters.
For me just do it didn't help.. but being arrogant did. People worth caring about aren't judgemental twats that will try to make u feel like shit so they can feel better about their miserable lifes.
They will try to help if they can and let you do your own thing, maybe learn a thing or two from it.
>>17205040
Like is this one of those "Just because I tell myself something doesn't mean I believe it" sort of things? Because I already know it's the key all this, but despite this knowledge I just can't... No matter how many times I say "just focus on the present" or "they aren't judging me" it doesn't convince myself. I know I sound like a broken record here, but I'm trying as hard as I can and it just isn't good enough..
>>17205064
But even if they aren't judgmental twats I can't help but automatically assume they are.
Everytime I'm at a party, walking down the hall at school, in a grocery store, anywhere really, it feels like the entire world things like they're too good for me, idk, I can just feel it in the air though.
It's not like people are approaching me in droves asking if they're presence makes me feel this way in an attempt to be understanding about how I feel. I'm almost certain I look noticeably uncomfortable when I'm feeling like this, if anything is causes people to be freaked out my me and avoid me.
>Go to doctor
>Tell him you need medication for anxiety
>They'll literally give it to anyone
>Take it for a month
>Go to college party
>Suddenly you'll be able to talk to girls
>Drown in the pussy because college chicks will sleep with pretty much anyone who can make them laugh
You're welcome
>>17205088
Exactly nigga. That is what you get smart AND fit as fuck. Then you are too good for them. All it takes is effort and that is a lot.
>>17205125
>be a virgin
>give advice how not to be a virgin
don't be a degenerate like this senpai
>>17205077
>Like is this one of those "Just because I tell myself something doesn't mean I believe it" sort of things?
Honestly, that's pretty much what it is. Don't get me wrong, I know what you mean. I used to say the same thing, come here and post these same exact kind of threads.
It's an aggressive cycle of negativity and obsession that's that fuels your thought process. Think of it like the law of inertia. Once you get that cycle started in you're head (typically sometime in your childhood) it starts moving around in that circle with less and less effort. Until the point where it just keeps on moving around in that circle, unable to stop, and it only takes a slight push (your insecurities and negative thoughts) every so often to keep it going on at path.
The only way to stop it is the same way it started. First, you have to recognize your obsessing over this shit and its feeding negative thoughts. After understanding that, you have to finally start stepping on the brakes to brakes to stop moving in that cycle. You're not going to stop feeling that way immediately. Just like a car doesn't stop immediately. But, OVER TIME, as you CONTINUE TO APPLY pressure on the brakes, you will start slowing down and overcoming that built up inertia that keeps that thought process going in your head. And eventually, it will be just a minor creeping movement, until it finally stops.
After that, you can turn whatever direction you choose to pursue.
>>17205359
Then what's stopping me from truly believing it, I must've told myself "What they think doesn't matter" thousands of times and by your logic eventually things should be starting to get better but they aren't
Maybe this is something I should talk to a therapist about or something.
Bump? I still need some questions answered.
>>17205461
>then what's stopping me from truly believing it
The fact that you have that obsessive though pattern and aren't actually stepping back and trying to stop it. You're asking for outside help, which is completely understandable.
But nothing I tell you or anything you even tell yourself will mean shit unless you're willing to actually step back and take a minute to think about it and try to actually BELIEVE in it. Words are just words. If you're not willing to understand and be open to the idea that what others think doesn't matter, nothing will change. You will continue to feel as you have. I'm not being a dick, that's just the harsh reality of it.
If you feel like seeing a therapist, go for it. Maybe it's what it will take to break that thought pattern of yours. For me, after seeing one for around 3-4 months, it still had not broken that thought process until I took a chance in my head and tried not giving a fuck. And in the end, everything him and my previous therapist said was basically what I just told you
