Long Story.
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
First off, I feel like I 'know what to do,' but would like another's opinion..
>my fiance and I have been together for almost four years
>within the last two, he opened up to me about liking loli and the idea of younger girls in general
>he also opened up to me about something he did when he was 14;
>>he had grown up in a sexually repressed (understatement) household, in which he was homeschooled
>>never received sexual education, as his mother was highly Christian and closed-minded
>>>she would harp on his brothers and him for looking at other females
>>>she wouldn't allow movies with kissing in them (but would allow violence)
>>at 14, he waited until his sister (5 at the time) to fall asleep, and went to her room
>>he felt her 'privates' (idk what the fuck to call them) with his hand, and licked her twice with his tongue
>>he then left and jacked-off to this
>>he later denied all of this had happened when confronted by both his mother, and the police
Now, I am under the belief that male sexuality is greatly influenced by events in their youth (8~14). I understand that he may never get over his fetish of younger girls. This is something he and I have talked about at great-length, and I have come to accept as a reality.
The situation gets more complicated when you throw my past into the mix;
Ctd.
...
>I grew up in a house full of women (my mother & three elder sisters)
>my father was an ass, cheated on my mother, and sort of exited our lives when I was 2~3 (tl;dr)
>my mother constantly bashed on the character of Men (in general), often stating they are worthless scum
>she met a man whom she became intimate with when I was ~3
>he had moved in after ~3 months of them being together--they stayed together for ~9 years
>he molested me and one other sister of mine (we were the youngest) for years (~8 years for me, idk for how long for her)
>>this had started when I was 3~4
>>he too was sexually abused--at the age of 8, his babysitter (14, female) took advantage of him (idk for how long)
This whole subject had been somewhat of an open wound until about 3 years ago. A year later, when my fiance opened up to me, I fetishized the idea. This became somewhat of a healing process for some time (kind of like exposure-therapy).
I continue to get off to the idea here and there, when I think he's thinking about such things, or when I (annoyingly enough) have suspected he's gone looking for loli/gotten off to it, or suspect he's thinking of such while we're having sex.
Ctd...
Sounds like you'd probably both enjoy some roleplay games in the bedroom.
...
This is something we've talked about in bed. We'd play around with the idea here and there (for ~2 weeks at a time or so), which would eventually end in my freaking out about it becoming 'too real' and causing the death of said stints (each and every time).
I'm unsure what to do. If I stay with him, this will always be a subject for us. If I find another man, I'll have to start the whole process over again (gaining trust, hoping he's honest, etc). If I live alone, then that's not the end of the world...but I don't want my sexual frustration/wounds to bind me in such a way.
I want the mental strength to live a life in which this doesn't constrict me so, but I have difficulty handling this mentally. My ultimate fear is that this fantasy will manifest itself in the real world, and I'll have let myself down (again, by trusting).
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I would like to think I'm compassionate enough to care for the man I'm with, and not let this get in the way of that. I would like to believe I'm mentally strong enough to handle this situation. At the same time, I fear I have a tendency to put up with too much shit, and live life at the expense of my own peace.
I have difficulty balancing self-respect & empathy.
>>17204007
It may not always be the subject for you, there's no way to know. Maybe if you can figure out where the line between you enjoying it and not is, then he can learn not to cross it. It's not impossible that the reason you two got together in the first place was because you both had behaviours that subconsciously reminded you of the things you privately liked.
That said, your reasons for not leaving him, that it'd be a hassle, and not because you actually love the guy, are a little pathetic. You hardly sound emotionally invested in the relationship .
>>17204014
>It's not impossible that the reason you two got together in the first place was because you both had behaviours that subconsciously reminded you of the things you privately liked.
I forgot to finish this thought - what I was going to say was that if you did move on, because of that, chances are you'd fall for someone with similar proclivities.
>>17204014
>That said, your reasons for not leaving him, that it'd be a hassle, and not because you actually love the guy, are a little pathetic. You hardly sound emotionally invested in the relationship .
That's a given for me though. I do love, and am in-love with him. This is the cow's tail that gets in the way when thinking about 'forever.'
>>17204024
How about simply not bringing it into the bedroom and leaving it for him as a private sexual fantasy for when he's alone? It's quite common for people to have fantasies they use during masturbation but have no intention of acting out in any way, even in a consensual role-play setting. I'm sure if you thought about it you might think of some of your own.
As far as I can tell this doesn't actually have to be a relationship ending situation unless you choose to think of it in that way? Like can't you just stop all the slightly weird bedroom games and then both of you process your slightly weird childhood issues at your own pace and then still be in a relationship?
You talking about finding another man and stuff basically makes it sound like you aren't invested in your relationship any more than it'd be a pain in the ass for you to find another person. I think your honesty and frankness is refreshing, but a little unsettling.
I was molested growing up, it has left an imprint upon my adult sexual habits and tastes, but nothing like what you describe for yourself or him, if anything I've very avoidant and have confidence and self esteem issues. I guess I kind of just see them for what they are, a past I cannot change, part of my personality for which I'm aware, I'm grateful for those who've stayed with me and been tolerant of my issues, I've not indulged them in sex play because uhh?
Especially his. I mean, 14 is getting to be fairly old and responsible for your actions despite his slightly fucked up upbringing. You were a major victim in comparison.
>>17203998
Kek
