Breakup
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
/adv/
I'm 30. Been dating a 33 year old female with two boys aged 5 and 3 for about 10 months now.
We met at a legal education conference. She was married at the time. I was totally smitten from the first time I saw her.
Talked to each other over a week, then the second part of the conference required that we travel to another city and stay in a hotel for another week.
She invited me to her room the first night but I thought she was just being friendly and was happy with her marriage. Nothing she had said or done up to that point had led me to believe it was anything other than friendly.
Anyway, the second night we slept together.
We started dating but she was still married.
Eventually she moved out and got an apartment and divorced about 7 months into the relationship.
She has the kids week on, week off.
I knew I was in the wrong when the whole thing happened. I wasn't really sure about the kids but I couldn't stop myself from loving her. As a 30 year old who has never been married or had kids, it was like going from 0-100 in 4 seconds. Instant family.
She's wanted to "move forward" in the relationship. To her this means living together. I have a sweet apartment and I enjoy my solitude at times. Plus, the idea of living with kids is just a lot to take into account. I've said lets wait until our leases are up to worry about that. Not a good answer.
Continued below.
>>17202720
Over time we've had on and off arguments and there are periods of time, like 24-48 hours where we won't talk to each other. But now, she's decided she has to move on because she's given me this ultimatum. Now my heart fucking hurts and all I want is to be with her. It's a shame it takes losing something to realize how precious it is to you.
I need advice on whether to try and make this work and win her back or to thank my lucky stars I didn't get her pregnant and move on with my life.
Pros:
She's a beautiful woman. She's smart and funny and likes me for me. Never met anyone like her.
I love being around her.
She's very supportive of my career and has a lot of knowledge.
Seriously the best looking breasts and the most perfect looking vagina I've ever seen.
She loves sex and she's very open minded in that way.
We work at court together, so I see her pretty much every day.
Cons:
Relationship came from an affair. If she was capable of cheating on her husband with me, what's to stop her from doing it to me?
She's been caught snooping in my iPhone on more than one occasion and was not sorry at all for doing it. Always has a justification for sneaky shit.
Two kids, still not sure if I can handle being a step dad.
Less time with her and the kids is more time spent at work or networking or growing my business.
Other, younger girls out there with less baggage.
Not sure what to do!?
Help.
Don't let the chemical in your head fuck you. This woman has a lot of baggage. Much more than you sound like you can handle.
Would you really want to raise another man's child and the fact that she cheated with him means she can cheat on you. You can't even hope to amend these things, even 10 or 20 years down the line these things will be in your mind.
Dodge the bullet, there are better women out there.
>>17202727
I am going to give you a serious answer because I've been there and know just what you're going through.
Although you've listed pros and cons there is just one answer that counts.
"Do you want to live with her for the rest of your life?" Ignore all the other factors, they're relevant but not the one big factor above all else.
>Pros:
Some people are gems in a pile of rocks. Is she really unique or weren't you noticing other women that way before?
>Seriously the best looking breasts and the most perfect looking vagina I've ever seen.
>She loves sex and she's very open minded in that way.
Don't underestimate these factors. You want to be able to look at her years from now and still think "I love those tits and that pussy" and be attracted without trying to be.
>Cons:
>Relationship came from an affair. If she was capable of cheating on her husband with me, what's to stop her from doing it to me?
Nothing. But this means nothing. People have affairs, it's a fact of life. Mostly they're driven by a poor choice in partner and the relationship becomes stale, boring or you grow apart. It's that simple. To avoid it don't be boring, don't be an asshole, treat every day as a new day.
>She's been caught snooping
So..... me thinks her ex-H was having an affair. Does it matter if she does look at your phone?
>Two kids, still not sure if I can handle being a step dad.
They're only part-time and you might find you like it. That age is OK. Babies are fucking hard work.
>Less time with her and the kids is more time spent at work or networking or growing my business.
Boring. Does it substitute for a great woman who give you everything you want plus has perfect tits and pussy and likes you enjoying them.
>Other, younger girls out there with less baggage.
No such thing. Very soon you'd be in the same situation... wanting to move in and have kids.
>>17202720
It doesn't really matter what you do. You will always be a fucking scumbag
>>17202720
>I couldn't stop myself from loving her
lmao, what are you 12?
>>17202797
This guy gets it. Go for it with her.
>>17202797
good god this is criminally bad advice, the fuck kind of shitty relationships do you have?
look OP - you're a dumbshit for getting into this situation in the first place. You don't have any idea what your priorities are, you aren't really interested in this girl's life and you're mostly on board because the sex has been easy (because this girl doesn't have the ability to be choosy because she's got two kids and a full time job). Maybe you don't like to hear this because you want to think you're hot shit for finding some willing pussy, but this girl isn't fucking you for you, and it's not going to get easier.
The fact that you're still unsure itself says to walk away.
>>17202720
>>17202727
I'm going to avoid delving too deep into moralfagging; on the one hand you're a human piece of shit for fucking a married woman, on the other hand it's not your job to keep her faithful, he's an idiot for not being more selective before falling for the marriage meme, and if she didn't cheat with you she'd have just cheated with someone else.
Anyway, it sounds like your problem is this: you know what makes you happy, you know that being with this woman means compromising what makes you happy, and yet you've got a bad case of oneitis. Let's break this down
>Pros:
>She's beautiful, best looking tits, perfect vagina, etc.
First of all, if a woman with two kids has the most "perfect looking vagina" you've ever seen she's either got C-section scars or you haven't seen many vaginas. Second... dude.
DUDE. She's 33. You DO realize you've got, at most, five years before she starts aging like milk right? Five years before everything starts bloating and sagging and flopping like room temperature cold cuts, right?
Beauty fades. This is why you generally want to marry a girl as young as possible without it being weird (half your age, plus 7) who has no kids and no red flags; you'll have the emotional and mental high ground and she'll stay fuckable longer.
>She's supportive, kinky, smart, funny, etc.
You're not dating her. You're dating her representative. She's putting her best foot forward, all the time, so she can trap you. This gets exhausting, which is why she's trying to get you to go all in.
>We work together
This is not a "pro" dude; people need time apart.
>Cons
>If she was capable of cheating on her husband with me, what's to stop her from doing it to me?
Literally nothing, this is the first smart thing you've said.
>She's been caught snooping in my iPhone
So she doesn't respect boundaries, and thinks you answer to her. This is a dealbreaker for me, and pretty much any man with a shred of self respect.
<Con't, I'm just getting warmed up>
>>17202922
C-section on both births, pussy undamaged.
You raise some good points.
I accept 50% of the blame for doing something morally wrong.
I failed to mention that her ex-husband inadvertently gave her HPV, not the kind that causes warts but the kind that causes cervical cancer so she's looking at a hysterectomy within 2-3 years or at the very least, that other surgery that cuts out part of the uterus.
>>17202922
>Two kids
Aside from this being a LOT to take on, once you move in with her, kids, especially that age, are notorious cockblocks.
Also, just being perfectly candid, speaking as another man, there's literally nothing more pathetic than a man who voluntarily raises and provides for another man's children. No man will ever respect you again, period. There's getting cuck'd, and then there's signing on to be cuck'd from the start.
>Other, younger girls out there with less baggage
Exactly. So why are you even considering settling for this used up, adulterous cunt, with all this baggage, so close to hitting the wall?
>>17202797
>Puts pussy on a pedestal and makes excuses for a woman's shitty behavior
Spotted the nu-male.
>"Do you want to live with her for the rest of your life?"
Yes, OP should make a decision with potentially permanent ramifications based on mercurial emotion.
>You want to be able to look at her years from now and still think "I love those tits and that pussy"
She's 33; she's only going to get fatter and saggier.
>Nothing. But this means nothing. People have affairs, it's a fact of life.
I'm legit impressed: this is easily the worst piece of advice I have ever seen. On /adv/ or anywhere.
"People have affairs, it's a fact of life?"
"Poor choice in partner and the relationship becomes stale, boring or you grow apart"
These are things to consider before you get married. "Men" like you are the reason our society is now gynocentric and misandric beyond saving.
Vows are vows. They matter to people with integrity. "I'm just not happy." Too fucking bad. You fix things. You talk it out. You make it work. Otherwise what's the point? What's the difference between a marriage and an LTR?
What is marriage? What is the point of it? Is it an expensive celebration of female egotism followed by a diversionary "playing house" that ends once it's not fun all the time anymore? No, it's a covenant between two people to build a life, together.
<con't>
>>17203008
<con't>
OP, that guy is an idiot. Affairs aren't a "fact of life." Not for men who select women worth having. They are, admittedly rare, and I got news for you, Jack: the bitch you're fucking ain't one of 'em.
Find yourself a girl in the 22 to 25 age range who is beautiful, fertile, fun, intelligent, and was raised with decent values: she should have a healthy relationship with her father, this is absolutely not optional: a woman's relationship with her father will almost always parallel her relationship with her spouse.
>>17202913
This is some top shelf advice.
>>17202961
She can't even give you kids of your own? She's literally worthless.
I gotta say, while some of this advice is hard to swallow, I feel a lot better about my situation as a 30 year old lawyer with no kids or debt.
I guess perspective is everything.
>>17202797
Hey OP, did you get a load of this guy? He's just as much of scumbag as you, but with no brains whatsoever. I'm mean he sounds like a 10 year old version. of you, lol. You should by him a beer.
>>17203038
>30 year old lawyer with no kids or debt
Gee, I can't imagine why this chick is trying to get her claws into you.
You do realize that your social value is HUGE, right? Like you can pump and dump 21 year old hotties and dog the shit out of them with impunity.
>>17203136
to be fair, she's also a lawyer
>>17202720
Stay away.
>She cheats being married with 2 kids.
>She wants you to be a cuck and pay for her 2 mistakes.
>She may cheat on you just like she did to her husband.
/Thread
>>17203143
To be fair, she's also approaching the wall, has a shit ton of baggage, and can still dupe another man into giving her half his assets.
To be fair, the moment you slide your cock into wet, freakishly tight 21 year old, you'll wonder what the fuck you were ever thinking.
OP. Come on dude. You know this is stupid. You're better than this. You've had your fun.
Now go get one of those 21 year olds, knock her up, and have two kids of your own.
>>17203156
>She cheats being married with 2 kids
I've given a lot of advice ITT, but I seriously haven't given this simple fact enough attention.
OP, you're dealing with a sociopathically selfish individual.
She's utterly ruined her kids, you know that right? Poor guy she was married to will probably an hero.
And you're considering being with someone like that? I wouldn't even hatefuck this HPV'd up mess.
What kind of fucking mother cheats on her husband? Seriously what the fuck. Also if you don't want to take care of her fucking kids then you could break up with her or something, especially since there's a very real chance she could cheat on you just like she did her husband.
Well it's over. We are broken up. It's going to suck being single again but I have to keep my mind open to the possibilities of young prettier girls with less baggage.
>>17204368
Thank god, I could see that bear trap closing on your ankle, you dodged well OP
