Is it worth it?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I've been in a long term relationship with this guy. He is extremely intelligent and talented, very handsome, but he has a drinking problem.
By problem I mean he has blackout episodes when he gets too intoxicated where he will call me all sorts of horrifying things, becomes aggressive, then remembers none of it when he wakes up in the morning.
He had a rough childhood and I believe he continues to relive aspects of it.
He refuses to go see any kind of counselor and get help.
I'm worried about bringing children into a home some day with a father who behaves like this... or God forbid, no father because he has either drank himself into the grave or killed himself.
Is it worth it to stay with someone like this? I am a very caring person but I am not a psychologist. I am fully aware I can't change him, but I don't rule out the possibility that some day he may want to better himself for his health, well-being and the happiness of our relationship... Am I a fool for staying this long?
...and would it be better for him if I leave?
Ask/tell him to stop drinking? If he doesn't then you have to decide if you can put up with it or not and either leave or stay.
>>17200598
He has "stopped drinking" several times and how he does it is he just hides the bottles. I realize there are compromises that need to be made in any relationship, but should one of those compromises be getting put down and berated just so you can be with your high school sweet heart?
>>17200621
No. If he is unwilling to stop drinking that is a very bad sign. I'd leave, but like I said it's not my choice to make. I don't know everything he brings to the table or your situation. I just know that's not a good sign and you should probably leave.
>>17200598
I guess another one of my problems is my own self esteem... without making any attempts to avoid tautology; I feel like a good for nothing, worthless sack of shit most of the time.
>>17200621
Leave now. This is typically the person who's life revolves around alcohol and lacks emotional control. If you stay you risk getting a regular beating and an awful and violent father for your children.
>>17200635
If you don't like how you behave, change it. It's within your power, and you are in the lucky state that you know what to change to achieve what you want.
>>17200641
I guess I realize this is what I should do, I just don't know how to do it... I know his parents will take care of him if I leave, but I am worried about him not finishing school, and I guess I stay because I want to see him do well even if it is without me...
>>17200651
Just leave. You can't change him, he will do what he wants. If he succeeds cool, if not that's his own fault.
>>17200651
Don't stay for this because this is caringness and pity, not love. Basing a relationship on this leads to unhappiness
>>17200560
>I'm worried about bringing children into a home some day with a father who behaves like this... or God forbid, no father because he has either drank himself into the grave or killed himself.
if all you want him for is as a sperm donor and co-raiser of children, then yes, leave him. he probably doesn't need people around who want him as an instrument, he has enough problems it seems.
