What are some things you guys like to do to preoccupy yourself while you're not with your SO?
I feel like my happiness revolves around him a little too much, so I want to change that. I feel like it makes me vulnerable.
Any ideas? Thanks in advance.
masturbate, eat
Do you have any friends? Creative hobbies? A job you like? Can you dance?
I'm the same way and ITS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD.
its good you recognize this and want to change though. its realy unhealthy to basically revolve your life around your bf, and not only that but it will cause problems in your relationship as well.
you need to get a job, hobbies, and have friends, spend time with your family.
what do you like doing?
make sure you take care of yourself, eat right, exercise, maintain things....
I find that not being attached to my phone really helps so then I can be caught up in my life and not waiting for him to text or call or whatever have you.... just living my life and not revolving it around him. if you don't you will get lost in yourself, have no life and you will be a loser and he'll end up dumping you and then you will have nothing.
definitely start fixing this ssoon, its not gonna happen overnight but start making strides. I am too
>>17198197
I do, but when I get horny I always think of him and new things we can try. I get carried away and I feel like I'm crazy obsessing.
>>17198206
I'm the kind of person who has only a few close friends. I have one best friend and only a handful of friends that I talk to on a regular basis but barely see. I'm trying to get out more and break out of my shell. I have a little anxiety, socially.
>hobbies
I like to create things. I'm no expert, but I like to make blankets and put together random crafts that basically have no use
>job
I just started a waitressing job at Olive Garden. I like it so far, yes.
>dance
No, but I can sing!
>>17198230
I have social anxiety too and little friends as well and that's also one of the reasons why I revolve my life around my boyfriend. BUT I have started to try to do new things and not be scared.. yes I'm gona be judged, yes some people wont lik eme, ill be rejected and whatever, but at least I tried and eventually after getting through everything it will be easier and more normal to be social.. then youl lhave more friends and not obsess over ur bf which is what I do and you sound lik ethe same as me I'm >>17198227
>>17198227
let's hold hands and work together to conquer our super swollen hearts.
He makes me really happy and I think about him all the time, what I can do to make him happy, always doing thoughtful shit, etc. He really appreciates it but one day, and I'm sure of it, my obsessive clinginess will drive him away.
The relationship is fairly new and so he's into it now, but I know it's only temporary.
I just dont want to seem vulnerable and dependent, you know? I kind of want to have this "I dont care" attitude towards him. It will hurt less.
Thanks for your response! I really appreciate it and it's nice to know I'm not the only one.
>>17198230
oh also if you read some self improvement self help books that might help as well..
bbut you need something youre passionate about besides your boyfriend. like a really big hobby. focus on that (or those) and ur friends and family. if yiou have iPhone, I find that putting it on do no disturb so I don't get notifications and can check my phone whenever and not be obsessed with getting texts from him really helps me get my mind off him and be absorbed in my own shit
>>17198238
that's awesome! what have you tried in order to make new friends and overcome your anxiety (not completely but enough to break out of your shell?)
>>17198241
yeah definitely....
well for me, ive been with my boyfriend for a year and two months. I wasn't like this at first, but over time I got realy clingy/obsessed/revolved my life around him. its caused problesm in our relationship because since I'm so obsessed with him I get mad at him a lot for petty things, expect way too much from him, want to see him constantly. we get in fights a lot. before, when I was more indepdent doing my own life, we were a lot happier and barely got in fights and I felt loved by him and appreciated. now, he seems annoyed with me a lot and doesn't really seem like he appreciates me that much.. like I kinda feel like he takes advtange of me. however, I'm working on getting back to how I used to be. you really don't want be in a codependent relationship its really really unhealthy. you have to make yourself a priority and put yourself and your goals and your life first. and guys find that attractive (obviously don't be so detached that youre like cold, some clinginess is necessary in a relationship) good luckkk and definitely just keep working on it everyday and don't get lost in your relationship like I did, its gonan take me a lot of work to get back to where I was in my life/with our relationship
>>17198243
you're absolutely right with the phone thing. my phone broke and it doesnt work and I've been without it for a week. It helps me not message him so much and it also makes me seem like I'm not craving his attention 24/7
I got a few really books that I've been planning to read in orderto keep myself preoccupied when he's not around. Haven't gotten around to it though.
He sees his family and friends a ton, which is good for him and all, but I get lonely. I don't try and pull him away from that.
>>17198246
I mean honestly i JUST started working on this. but, whenever i have opportunity to go out, meet new people/whatever, i go. i used to say no and stay safe at home. ive had bad times out, embarrassed myself in situations when i was too shy to socialize, but that's how you grow as a person. you need to challenge yourself if you want to grow. its nice to just stay at home and feel safe and stuff but you will always have social anxiety if you do that, and youll become depdent on your boyfriend and it will not be good at all.
challenge yourself. do things that scare you. socialize with people, strangers, try to make new friends. you work at a restaurant so talk to your coworkers a lot and try to make friedns with them, go out with them, etc.
its NOT going to be easy and it wil take a lot of work and time but you can do it
>>17198253
well I wish you good luck; with that attitude, I'm sure you'll achieve your goal. but >I'm so obsessed with him I get mad at him a lot for petty things
honestly this is me 100%. he does stuff that makes me mad and he does it without knowing it. and I know he did nothing wrong but deep down I'm angry.
>>17198257
same my bf has tons of friends and he makes plans with them a lot, he invities me plenty of the time, but sometimes i wish i had my own plans instead of always being available to see him when hes free.
yeah definitely, i obsess with my phone and he is always on my mind because of that. it helps to be detached from ur phone and just be living ur life in the moment.
but yeah you should really try to make friednds with your coworkers and go out with them, make plans with them, don't be available all the time for your bf have your own life, friends, and interests too
>>17198262
I wish you good luck on your journey.I don't reccommend this unless you have adhd but vivanse REALLY helps curb social anxiety. Sometimes you just feel like saying something and just being friendly to people to no reason whatsoever.
but if you have ADHD AND social anxiety, you should definitely try vivanse. i take 30mg and it really helps. I'm still a little shy but not nearly as much as when I'm off my pills.
>>17198266
haha exactly... yeah you def wanna fix this before it gets worse and effects your relationship. the things i get mad at now is so much worse than before AND before even if i got mad, like i didn't cause a fight.. but now i just get mad over everything because i expect way too much from him and if he doesn't do things how i imagine in my head it upsets me....... and same with you like he doesn't even do it oon purpose or know what hes doing wrong/ hes usually doing nothing wrong and I'm just overthinking and overreacting.
thanks girl and the fact that you recognize this and its early in ur relationship your on the right track. definitely pick up those books and start reading and socialize with your coworkers, invite them out ( i know its awkward and stuff but at least TRY the worst that can happen is they say no or its an awkward time but you will grow from that)
>>17198277
thank you! i will definitely research that and if it seems like for me ill bring it up to my doctor
>>17198268
>don't be available all the time for your bf have your own life
YES this is exactly what i want to achieve. I want to have separate lives but at the same time I want him to invite me to some stuff out of the relationship, like concerts with friends or family gatherings. I get paranoid when he doesnt, because maybe he's getting annoyed with me or needs a break?
>>17198280
you and I definitely are going through the same things in terms of getting pissed for virtually no reason. I get really paranoid and angry whenever it takes him more than 5 minutes to respond. But I need to stop that because I know that annoys him.
I love him and I don't want to lose him. He's such a nice guy who gives me tons of love and affection and attention when I'm with him. I'm just heartbound
>>17198289
yes you need to remain individuals but also be a couple.
if you have a new relationship i wouldn't be worried. even if you didn't have a new relationship i still wouldn't be worried haha. don't take it as a personal attack. hes not annoyed with you or needs a break don't overthink it! i overthink everything too so i know what its like but just try really hard not to and he'll appreciate that.
>>17198298
haha exactly I'm the same way i get mad at him for the stupidest things and I'm really trying to control it because no one wants to be with someone whos always upset/miserable.
you sound like you love your boyfriend and like hes a good guy. be happy :) make friends, socialize, be passionate about hobbies, live your life, don't be scared. make plans with friends and be busy
>>17198302
overthinking is one of my main problems. like i take every action he does personally. it tears me the fuck up dude.
>>17198308
i love you! thank you!
>>17198328
sameeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! just have patience with yourself and remember this is something you have to work on every day for a long time and its gonna be a super long process. good luck!!!! :)))))))))
