>>17196269

don't b urself

Good idea, but how should I act around her?

bumpity

>>17196269
>she rejected me after months of hanging out.
>months of hanging out
>months
>How can I not make the same mistake?
I wonder? Have you considered maybe asking her out before you establish a platonic friendship? There is no such thing as "too early" to ask a person on a date. You could do that 5 minutes after meeting them. But there is certainly such a thing as too late. 55% is good enough, fuck, 10% is good enough. Just ask. If she's into you she'll say yes, if she isn't no amount of waiting and being beta will change that.

>>17196447
>There is no such thing as "too early" to ask a person on a date.

For me, it is. Or at least I dont want them to think I don't know much about them. I want to build a connection

>>17196486
Right, but that approach will fuck you up and you need to reconsider. Relationships are about context. If you are building a connection with someone, and you aren't making physical contact with them, aren't flirting with them, etc. then you are building a friendship. The purpose of dating is to build a romantic connection, and a friendship will get in the way of that. You might think that the "friend zone" is a cliche but it is based on fundamental facts. I'm a man and I would turn my female friends down if they asked me out - that's because I value their company as friends and not as someone to date. While a lot of men do not do this almost all women do. There is nothing wrong with learning a little bit about someone before asking them out, but if you build a relationship with them don't be surprised if they don't want that relationship to be changed; you're being dishonest with your intentions if you befriend someone you want to date.

>you're being dishonest with your intentions if you befriend someone you want to date.

I wouldn't say dishonest. If I never intended to think I'm only being a friend, I can't be lying. I understand if I had the wrong expectations. I'm not really sure how to get a good connection with women. I'm even sure what to talk to her about

>>17196568
You're not aware that you're lying, but functionally you are. Let's break it down.

Intention: being in a romantic relationship
Action: forming a platonic relationship
Result: She is in a platonic relationship (with you) that presumably she enjoys and wants to continue. You are in a platonic relationship (with her) that you never really wanted, and try to make romantic. She feels (rightly) betrayed because you don't value her friendship.

Now, if you are clear from the start what your intentions are everything is a lot easier. She gets to decide if she wants that relationship, and can turn you down or accept it, and doesn't lose a friend if she does want to turn you down. It also protects you because if you get turned down by a near stranger, it's no big deal, but if you work on this girl for ages and she turns you down you'll be crushed.

>>17196626
>You're not aware that you're lying, but functionally you are.

How the fuck is it lying if you are not actively trying to lie? The key isn't to mislead or trick them like some sort of asshole. It's building a rapport. Again I understand that I took too long and she lost interest or made a bad connection, but don't point me out as some lying asshole when wasn't any lying in the first place

>>17196747
You weren't an asshole, you were an idiot.
Nowhere did I say you did this deliberately. I'm just trying to stop you making the same mistake again because it sounds like you haven't learned your lesson from last time.

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>>17196753
Okay fine. but I still don't know what to talk to her about