ex gf/best friend
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
>bf has female friend
>meh.jpg
>bit later he reveals that she's also his ex (dated 1 year, broke up 4 years ago because she went abroad, she came back and wanted to get back together but he was stubborn despite still having feelings for her)
>ok then...
>spend time one-on-one, text frequently, he has random selfies of her on his phone (he showed me)
>not sure if ok
>finds excuses to introduce us to each other
>dude...!
>yesterday tells me that he suspects that she has still feelings for him (i suspect that she suddenly realized that he's now not available anymore and that he's not a good orbiter anymore since he has shifted his affection to me)
>try to not lose my shit
>tell him that that's a pretty shitty situation, especially for her and what he thinks would be the best course of action
>tells me he might have to cut contact but that he doesn't want to and that it will crush her
>don't pressure him and tell him to maybe talk to her about it
>actually want to kill the bitch
what do i do now? should i risk her luring him in again and telling him to not cut contact? i don't want him near that witch again...
>>17195165
>try not to lose my shit
This is where you went wrong.
>>17195165
Good lord.
Just fucking break up with him, and watch tv instead of tuning into this dramatic bullshit everyday.
and to add, he told me that after he went to watch a movie with her. he never hinted anything like that. i asked him if he thinks she has always had feelings or if it occured to him recently and he said it was recently. now my imagination runs wild aobut what the hell she did yesterday to make him realize that. i swear if she flirted with him or was touchy feely, i'm going to stab her in her sleep. she should keep her whore hands off my man. she has had her chance and blew it.
>>17195165
Who among the two of you is prettier? Because that's who your bf is going to end up going with.
>>17195173
well, he was honest enough to tell me and i wanted him to see what the best solution is himself and not impose it on him. he might later resent me for telling him to cut contact. (because she's his "best female friend"...) i mean, it was the first thing he came up with, so he knows what's the right thing to do. i want him to do it because he knows it's necessary, and not because i'm coming on with ultimatums and shit.
>>17195165
Tell him to cut contact. She's obviously a huge risk, and you shouldn't date someone else's orbiter. Have some self respect, that's beyond beta.
>>17195180
i only saw one pic of her and we are exactly the same type. i couldn't tell from that one pic but i'd say we are pretty much equal in looks.
>>17195185
i think he was seriously unaware of his status till now. and when he found out he immediately knew that the best would be to cut contact. he's abroad now for two weeks. i'm going to let it settle a bit for that time and then ask him about it again when he's back. if he still has contact, i'll tell him to stop it because it makes me uncomfortable af.
>>17195184
No
You're his best female friend. If not, there isn't any relationship to talk about. Licking off her juices off his shaft after he gets home emotionally drained is not fun.
>>17195177
>break up with him
hell no. i think he was just naive and had serious oneitis over her for a long time. i'm giving him some time to distance himself from her and if he doesn't do it, i might have to tell him to move on or we can't be toegther anymore. i don't want to be a rebound or with someone who's not emotionaly available
>>17195193
i meant besides me. they went to school together and know each other since kindergarden. that's why i didn't wanted to ask him to cut contact with no evidence that this relationship is a threat to "us". now that it IS, i need a different approach.
>>17195192
Regardless of his awareness, don't date an orbiter, for your own sake.
>>17195208
why not? IS he an orbiter? what is the definition?
>>17195202
They have history together. You're just a placeholder. He's trying to bd nice. He either wants you to break up with him so he doesn't have to feel like the bad guy, or he wants you to give him an ultimatum so he feels justified in breaking up with you. You've already lost.
>>17195230
i'm not so sure about that... he asked me to marry him a few days ago
>>17195219
Orbiter is a guy who puts a lot of time, effort, attention, and energy into a girl just to attend to her emotional needs, and to show up in a good light for her. The problem is that this drains a lot of energy out of the guy and she will have some emotional control over him.
>>17195234
He did it to try to freak you out and get you to bail. You honestly think he loves you? Kek. Who could honestly love you?
>>17195236
>time, effort, attention, and energy into a girl just to attend to her emotional needs
well, he does that, but as far as i know, it's not very much. i have never felt like he's emotionaly drained, especially not because of HER.
in his own words "she's like a little sister to me".
i'm very torn atm...
>>17195238
>Who could honestly love you?
tf is wrong with you?
>to freak you out and get you to bail
i don't hope so... now you got me freaked out. thanks anon
since when is proposing to someone a way to get them to break up with you? we have talked about it before and he knew i'd say yes.
>>17195165
I would go ahead and stab her, it's the only way to show him how serious you are
>>17195245
i try to not get into troubles with the law
>>17195241
Ok, if it works and the bitch respects you it could be ok, but be careful. Get to know her and decide according to that. Are you a good judge of character.
>>17195244
It could also be that proposing to you was more about trying to convince himself that he still loves you because he feels guilty that this other girl makes him doubt that he does.
>>17195241
Well, trust him, and if he breaks your trust, tell his family that he fucked his sister. Win/win.
>>17195248
>the bitch respects you
how could she if she is so obvious in her advances that even my bf who's pretty oblivious to female hints get's that she "might still have feelings".
> Get to know her
i tried to arrange that on two occasions so far and she bailed twice. yesterday the bf told me he doesn't think i need to get to know her anymore since he will probably cut contact anyways and because it would "hurt her". WTF
i'm usually a pretty good judge of character. i knew i can't trust her from the first time he told me about her and about how she is. but i trus him, so i tought it will be ok. but now she went too far.
>>17195254
kek
i'll keep that in mind. i might ask him if he has an incest fetish to test the waters.
>>17195253
i hope you're very wrong but the fear is creeping in
>>17195247
i never said stab her and turn yourself in, a girl that can eliminate the competition AND dispose of the body has my heart on lockdown
>>17195259
what hints did she drop?
>bailing twice
This is so obvious.
Tell him to cut contact.
>>17195263
well, time to go stock up on bleach unsuspiciously
>>17195264
>what hints did she drop?
i don't know. i'm going to ask him, but we're limited to phnoe calls and text for the next two weeks. not sure if i want to discuss this topic like that...
>>17195265
im getting butterflies in my stomach
>>17195267
How do you know he is oblivious to female hints? What hints did you drop?
>>17195271
that might be the fear
>>17195273
she probably looked at him twice in one day (HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW I LIKE HIM)
>>17195273
well, he just fits the whole picture. he's shy and bit of a late bloomer. he just told me about a week ago that he wasn't sure i'm even interested after we where two dates in and i was sure i was EXTREMELY obvious in my intentions. (constant texting, good morning/night texts/we even kissed on that date! being flirty and joking with him, being touchy feely, all that shabang)
>>17195274
whatever it is i'm getting a chubby
>>17195267
What do you think your boyfriend is doing right now? He's probably been talking to her all night. You could ask him, but you'll never know for sure. Kek.
>>17195289
This
They are cuddling and talking about memories while she shittalks you.
>>17195280
He sounds beta.
>>17195289
>doing right now?
he left to pack his things because he has to leave in half an hour. he was at my place the whole night.
but, serious question, why would he do all this if he rather wanted to be with her? he could just dump me and go back to her any minute. wouldn't he have done that long ago if it is what he wants?
>>17195298
in some areas, probably
>>17195280
>>17195283
have you thought for a moment that maybe he's not oblivious, he's just not that into you?
>>17195302
In areas like being completely not getting dating and female intentions. He sounds like the guy who can be easily manipulated by girls
>>17195303
>that into you?
actually not until now
but why would he even go so far as to get into a realtionship with me if h's not that into me?
>>17195308
>getting dating and female intentions
exactly
that's why i gave him the benefit of the doubt with that ex.
i mean, there's enough evidence that guys THAT oblivious truly exist on this board
>>17195313
Ok, but why are you dating a beta and letting him get away with it? At least take control where he's obviously inept and teach him something.
>>17195319
well, so far i had no reason real reason to mistrust this friendship besides my own insecurity and that's no ground to "take controle"
>>17195300
You said yourself that your boyfriend is an emotional child. He doesn't have the tact or experience to handle this situation. Even though he cares about you (because the time you've spent together has conditioned him to), he's slowly realizing that who he really loves is the other girl. He won't just flat out dump you, not because he wants to be with you, but because he doesn't want to feel guilty for doing it. He's a soft pussy who isn't into hurting feelings, so he's trying to be stoic about his pent up affection for the other girl. Think about it. They've known each other since childhood. They used to date, and he regretted breaking up with her because he still had feelings for her. You come along, a girl who is supposedly the same type, and he sees this as an opportunity to get back with her without actually getting back with her. Now she's back to reclaim what's rightfully hers. You were just a placeholder. You think he spent the entire time packing without pausing to relay to her that he wont be around for a few days and how much he will miss her? I didn't think so.
>>17195325
Not just this friendship, his betaness in general.
>>17195326
so, what do i do now? i mean, if i flat out ask him he will deny it all. i don't even think he would be aware of all that if it was the truth. how do i proceed?
>>17195310
I don't know you and I don't know him so don't read to far into that, but you said he's pretty beta so maybe he's too much of a softie to say and do what he wants out of fear of hurting a friend
>>17195329
he's not that beta actually. just a tad autistic with girls how it turns out
>>17195338
>say and do what he wants out of fear of hurting
that COULD sound like him. now the question is: would he rather not say shit to HER or not give it to ME straight?
>>17195339
That's beta. Being autistic with girls. What's beta to you?
>>17195334
I think we're confused about who the true beta is. OPs bf is playing this bitch. Look at how he's fucking with her head.
OP, post pics and I'll tell you i>>17195334
f your bf will choose you.
>>17195341
You were a replacement for his ex. Now she's back and he doesn't need you anymore. What don't you understand about that?
>>17195341
if it's eating you up that much yo should give him an ultimatum, seriously
>>17195357
I agree. Your relationship has run its course, it's best to end it asap.
Op
Don't listen to these turbovirgin double niggers. They want to destroy your relationship because they can't get one themselves. If your bf didn't show any signs of distrustfulness, just let him be or if the cunt drags him down a lot or shittalks you, tell him to cut contact. Also, help him with his betaness because that could cause problems down the road.
>>17195371
>talking to a girl he dated
>no signs of distrustfulness
found the turbovirgin
>>17195351
i don't see how a pic of me could help with the situation
>>17195347
that's why i said in some aspects. he's not very beta in others
>>17195353
why he would drag me along and risk getting married instead of just telling me to my face
>>17195357
i'm really not a fan of giving ultimatums. i think he nees to make a decision on his own
>>17195365
he hasn't done anything besides telling me that he thinks his ex ahs still feelings for him. that's no reason to break up
>>17195371
thanks, anon. this therad has seriously made me paranoid
>>17195378
The problem with you virgins is that you lack self control, which is one of the stalwarts of masculinity. As long as you are a slave to your emotions, your dick, your anger, your jealousy pussies will stay dry around you. The girl you orbit isn't nice with you because she wants sex, she's nice because she pities you because she knows this as well or she's an exploitive cunt.
>>17195394
you're very knowledgable about virgins, I wonder why
>>17195383
OP, your boyfriend is leaving for two weeks. It's probably impossible that this girl will be able to travel out to meet him, but still I want you to imagine that she does. Imagine they're hanging out alone and she's flirting and touching him, and when the opportunity arises she kisses him. Fast forward. Your boyfriend is now lying down while his best friend sits on his face, stroking his hair and griding her hips. When she cums, she lays down next to him and they hold each other. They look into one another's eyes, and your boyfriend, with his mouth glazed with her cum, utters in a low, sincere tone "I've missed you".
Probably won't happen, though.
>>17195399
Because I'm surrounded by them, especially here on the neckbeard armchair psychologist relationship advice board.
>>17195402
very uplifting, thanks
>>17195262
Don't listen to the people obviously trying to sabotage you
>>17195408
so after a crazy saturday night filled with sex you come to 4chan?
>>17195383
>i don't see how a pic of me could help with the situation
I just want to see what a beta female looks like.
>>17195421
Virginity doesn't grow back, anon.
>>17195383
Don't be paranoid, don't let the basement dwelling bitter attitude in this board drag you down. Just be reasonable but cautious with him. If she clearly likes him, tell him not to contact her, if he goes behind your back that's a breach of trust, and you should dump him.
What is he beta about?
>>17195426
how come you guys are so charming and helpful?
>>17195429
If you weren't just text on a computer screen maybe I'd actually want to help you. Post pics.
>>17195428
>What is he beta about?
i wouldn't exactly call him beta. he just got his insecurities and is sometimes shy/awkward, and as it seems, also pretty oblivious when it comes to girls
>>17195427
sooo you didn't get laid tonight, is what you're saying
>>17195432
how emphatic. why can't you just help me because this is adv?
>>17195443
Why can't you sate my curiosity?
>>17195455
because it's weird to just post pics of myself on 4chan?
>>17195460
being on 4chan is already weird so just go for it
>>17195463
i don't see how that would be weird.
eh, fuck it
>>17195466
i'd stick me wiener in you, now post your tits
>>17195469
fuck off nigger
>>17195437
Give him confidence. Take away his frustrations, and make him feel like a man. You know, be a decent and fun girlfriend. He will get motivation and shed his awkwardness. I think you'll be fine. Ignore the bitch and shake his world.
>>17195460
>it's weird to post images on an image board
>>17195466
Post pic of the bitch
>>17195474
i don't have any
>>17195470
the face was already posted why not tits?
>>17195466
>those thumbs
>>17195476
Is she hotter than you?
>>17195479
post yours
>>17195481
only ever saw one pic of her and judging from that, we're about equal in looks
>>17195466
If you have the personality for it, you look wife material. Cute, not slutty.
Full body pic?
>>17195493
i don't have any. i hate being photographed
>>17195501
On this pic you looked good though, why?
>>17195505
yeah, i was traveling with a fmeale friend who has to post every shit on fb and she basically forced me to take atleast one pic with her.
because i think i look hideouse in photos.
>>17195518
>because i think i look hideouse in photos.
You look cute.
Can you post a selfie?
>>17195524
i think i have about 2 or 3 pics of myself in total and the other one i've seen in the folder is a really silly one . not counting the ones my mom has in her family-albums
>>17195466
Alright, I'll be a man of my word and give you some honest advice.
You and your boyfriend are very alike in that youre both insecure. If your relationship is going to persist, then one of you needs to take control and dictate the terms because it seems like you're both just letting things play out naturally and nature is characteristicaly chaotic. You need to sit down together and talk openly, and without reservation, about every detail of this dilema. Obviously your boyfriend isn't going to initiate this, and you seem to really love him so it has to be you. Tell him how this is making you feel, and ask him how he feels. Share absolutely everything. If you want him to stop seeing her, you have two options: 1) explicitly tell him to stop seeing her; 2) make it abundantly clear that it's tearing you up inside. Essentially, you're making him consider whose feelings he values more: yours or hers. I can't promise you'll get the result you want, but you need to think about yourself as well. He shouldn't be making you this doubtful if you're planning on marrying him.
>>17195535
Post the silly one
>>17195545
thanks a lot. that was very helpful. one more question? do i wait till i see him again next time or bring it up over phone? i really want to discuss this one-on-one, but i feel like it will already be faded again in two weeks. he might have texted her and "everything went back to normal". do i make any sense?
>>17195548
for what purpose...?
but since i already fucked up by posting a pic it doesn't matter anymore anyways, so here you go
>>17195555
Obviously it's going to keep bothering you, but I advise you to wait until it becomes reasonable to bring it up. Here's what I mean by that: if you bring it up while he's seemingly forgotten about it or sees it as a non-issue, then you're going to appear irrational and he'll dismiss it as you just being hormonal or something. You should initiate this conversation when it would make sense for you to be bothered by it, like if he starts talking/texting her excessively or he begins talking to you about her. Pick your moment, and follow through with it. Let him know that this is a serious knot in the relationship, because he might not see it that way yet.
>>17195584
Right. It wasn't an issue till he told me she still has feels. If now something weird happens, i'll tell him that i'm not ok with the situation
>>17195598
Good girl. I'm sorry for harassing you at first (4chan is toxic and brings out that side of me). You seem like a caring and sincere person and I hope everything works out for you.
By the way, you're very photogenic. Thanks for sating my curiosity.
>>17195607
thanks for your help, anon. it's really appreciated.
