>>17193820
it means you dont suck any of their dicks often enough
>charleys my friend but johnnys my BEST friend

>>17193820

it simply means you dont connect with them moer than the others do. it could be a sign of a deficient personality. it could also mean other things.

liek you dont spend enough time with one of them. or like you didnt give one in particular the attetnion to make them feel like YOUR best friend. or like you dont confide in them as much as tehy think you should. or that you always seem like you have a facade up. or like you dont listen to them when they need you. or simply that they've known each other longer. or that you are too 'different' for any one of them to think of as similar enough to warrant a best friendship.

i hd this issue a lot growing up cuz i moved all the time. im a great guy and bond with people really easily.

but when you've only been there six months and they know you'll be gone in another six months, no one wants to get 'too close' and most people already have longer deeper relationships already established. when you went to five high schools its hard for anyone to really bond with you.

>>17193849
I've been wondering if I should cut back on some of the attention I give them.

>>17193873

you shouldn't look at your relationsihps from a clinical standpoint. while it may hurt to put an amount of effort in and not have it returned, you should do what comes naturally to you. after all you arent going to get closer by holding back.

that being said, i cut out my 'best friend' recently, though there was a bit more going on then just the 'were not as close as id like to be' thing.

>>17193886
So I should just keep going the way I have been?None of them are toxic or anything, they all just have someone closer to them than me i guess.

>>17193929

kind of. yeah. maybe go in with less expectation and feel free to pursue other relationships outside of your circle. you can also attempt to get closer to one of them.

but you cant be too clinical. i know its a stupid balance.

but if you wanna try and bond with them deeper here are some ideas:

how to depen friendships:


>Stress
>Time

lets start with
>stress

stress brings people together. its the reason soldiers come back from overseas feeling like they are brothers. the reason teenagers make really strong friendships so fast is partly because they think everything is stressful. they think everything is hard, and the end of the world, and dramatic. they get emotional about everything. and they share those emotions with each other and support each other and quickly become the best friends ever. even if the stress is imaginary, you can still bond over it.

now stress doesn't have to be bad, and it can be manufactured healthily. by which i mean, you can do things that require more effort than just hanging out and chilling.

Got a really good co op game? play it with your friend. play it til the end. beat the game together. go camping together. go on a road trip together. make a movie together, write a book together, anything that makes you work together. something more than just sitting around and chilling. enter a contest. find a friend and do anything that takes at least a few months to complete and keeps you close.

-----------------------------

>>17193966

another thing is
>time

now i dont mean spending years together. cuz many people who have known each other for years only know each other superficially.

the truth is that most 'friends' in adulthood meet at max once a week. they use each other simply to relax or have fun. its usually in a group, but even the 1 on 1 time is shallow. you talk, catch up, then go back to your own lives.

someone can know someone for six years and not beclose.

on the other hand people who share the same job and work together daily become REALLY fucking close. or the person you go to school with. or like when you are a kid, spend a lot of time wtih, 1 on 1.

in a group people are less likely to share private details. one on one, they are. less to be embarassed about. people dont share secrets with groups. they share it with one person.

dont be afraid to have an adult sleepover if you can convince someone. the above mentioned roadtrips, camping trips etc. are also great ways to bond. anything that can you hanging out for a full day instead of just the lunch chunk of the day.


finally a third thing im adding
>share

if you want people to open up, you have to open up first. share something personal. you have to be willing to go to someone with a problem and talk about it, but dont whine regardless of the advice. you can say' i dont need advice, i just need someone to listen and to care'. if they are worth being your friend they will. they might share their own experience. and next time they have a problem they might come to you.

good luck hope it helps