Hey /adv/, so as of these years Ive been hanging out with an old buddy of mine, and he has a brother that comes along as well. We usually hang every Saturday. It has come to my attention that his brother is a total NEET basement dweller. He literally does nothing other than play vidya all day, everyday, since we've graduated high school. Me and him are 20 year olds. He hasn't worked since a year ago. He never pays the bill while his older brother does. He doesn't have a license and has never driven (we dont live in or near a big city). He also looks very strange, his hair is long, greasy, and he's overweight. He looks like he hasn't slept for days while on Benzos or some shit.
Don't get me wrong, Im not trying to sound like some perfectionist asshole, if I had a picture of him, you would agree. The guy looks really STRANGE. Just how do I get this guy to get a haircut and look a little better, and have him improve his life? Everytime we head out, people give him strange looks and he scares people. I think he has some social anxiety too. I don't want to leave him behind at his home like this when we hang.
he sounds like the type a dude to lash at you if you try to change him and your bro might join in too. you can try to manipulate him into doing it."i found you a date" "yo let's try this new gym" "i found a party, but ya gotta look nice." if all ya'll do is see marvel movies and drink he's not gonna change. this is all for the appearance though. it wont help for the personality.
why are you so interested, anon?
>>17190568
Talk about the things you want him to do but about yourself.
"I need a haircut, my hair is getting too long."
"My hair is greasy, I can tell because XYZ"
"I need to lose weight, I'm getting fat."
"I'm glad I'm employed. Not working for long is bad for your health."
Just try not to sound too condescending, and try not to be too obvious.
>>17191473
This will be obvious if the guy is sensitive and just makes people feel worse in general
You won't get him to change without manipulating him unless you become his friend. But do you want to ? Are you sincerely sorry for him and interested in his future ? Or are you just irked because he doesn't meet the standards you have for a 20 year old male ?
>>17191204
>>17191473
>>17191504
I want to help the guy out. Despite him seeming strange, he's actually smart, sarcastic and has a dark sense of humor, which is my kind of humor as well. I try brushing his strange side, but I just can't. I can't help but feel bad for the guy. But at the same time, he acknowledges that he is a narssicistic, nihilistic asshole, and he doesn't care what others think (to the degree of looking terrible in public). The guy is in terrible shape, and I just can't grasp my mind on why he's wasting so much precious time not even improving himself at all. He hates change.
His older brother gets the point, but he's the type of guy that's like "yeah that's true", and doesn't take any course of action at all. Like wtf? SAVE YOUR BROTHER, DUDE.
If me and his older brother can't get him to change, then I don't want to associate with him when we all head out. We had a friend of ours come and visit us (which is a long time buddy of me and the older brother), and one time we were all chatting outside of the car, while the strange friend was inside not interacting as usual. Our visiting friend then precedes to give him a weird look. And me and his older brother sort of agreed that he did look strange. He even thought he was some big woman at first, hence his long hair that he hasn't shaved in months.
Other than that, thanks for the advice. I'll try and see if I could get him to adapt to change like maybe getting him a job. The guy needs to work.
>>17191546
Have you tried to talk to him and understand why he's like this ?
You can't decide what people's needs are like that, that'd just make you an asshole
I mean, if you do find him a work opportunity and he happily takes it then you did very good but maybe the guy doesn't want to work and has deeper issues that won't be solved by telling him "you need to work" like some kind of weird dad
>>17190568
>hasn't slept for days while on Benzos
its 2016, not 1950
Benzos means benzodiazepines (they make you sleepy) not Benzedrine (aka amphetamine, aka speed) anymore
>>17190568
And in precisely what way is this any of your business?
If you were his brother writing this, we might have sympathy and offer advice. But if the brother isn't bothered enough to act, why are you butting in?
>>17190568
Ask him about his life plan.
>So Bob do you plan on moving out soon? Any work you want to try out? You know, employers look at your hair a lot.
