F here, married. Looking for advice about a complicated situation.
I'm married, and the marriage isn't great. I want kids, he is pushing back against it. I'm also no longer in love with him, and he isn't entirely supportive, or respectful of my career and accomplishments. I have a longtime friend, who has been a major source of support in my life. He usually would support me and not expect anything in return, ie he would listen, give advice, and we'd hang out. He's also married, and it has been platonic for several years.
Over the last month or so, we've suddenly developed strong feelings for each other. Intense, inescapable feelings. He says that he has fallen deeply in love with me, and has done so many sweet things for me, and cheered me up during so many difficult days. He confessed that he is deeply in love and would do anything to be with me. His marriage is falling apart and he is headed for divorce. He admits that he settled on his wife, and didn't realize that he could be so deeply in love with anyone, until his feelings developed for me. I am also in love with him. He makes me feel so safe and loved when he holds me. We stare into each others' eyes and I feel at peace. Every moment we spent together is incredible, and I never want him to leave. Even when we spend hours and hours together, for several days in a row, it doesn't feel like we have enough time. And as soon as he leaves, I feel sad and miss him a great deal.
While I was considering divorce before all of this started, due to issues with my husband, now I'm not sure what to do. An amazing guy, who is crazy about me, and shares my goals, whom I respect as smart, capable, attractive, and so forth, wants to be with me more than anything, and I believe him. My time with him is amazing, and I want to be with him as much as possible.
I feel guilty, because I feel like I'm leading him on. He has been far more willing to do what it takes for us to be together, while I am more indecisive...
...It's not that I don't want to be with him. I love him deeply and I think we could have a wonderful future. I feel obligated to hold onto my past, all of the time I have with my husband, and my friends that we share. I don't know if I should choose a loveless, dull, safe marriage, or going with someone who would be the supportive, loving, devoted husband that would make me far happier than I am now.
Bet you said all the same nice shit about the guy you're married to now before you got bored with him.
Where was your husband when you were out going on dates with your friend? Why get married with someone without talking about having kids?
>>17190560
I went with the "rational" choice for a husband, and it's not that I'm bored with him and doing this for the excitement, it's that my husband has stopped being supportive, reneged on his interest in having kids, and is increasingly passive aggressive. I have a better career, that pays more, with a more advanced degree, and he treats me like I should be a stay at home wife. It's degrading.
>>17190560
I agree with this guy. You will eventually get bored of this new guys too. Also never have kids with someone if you're unsure of the relationship, it's not cool to the kids when you divorce.
>>17190545
Looks like it's DIVORCE TIME!!! Don't sweat it, it happens to the best of us. But for the love of dog PLEASE get divorced BEFORE any kids enter the scene. DO NOT bring innocent people into this fucking mess! Otherwise, good luck.
>>17190567
Why are guys so insecure about that shit?
Id be happy for my wife if she had a great pay and a job
>>17190575
I wasn't planning on having an affair or getting divorced because of boredom. It stems from him no longer wanting to have kids when it's very important to me (which he always knew), and me being treated like a homemaker. The strong romantic connection I have with my friend is unexpected. He feels like a chance to have the whole package: the romance, the family I want to build, the support, the respect, the mutual admiration, etc.
Am I being unfair to my friend by being indecisive?
>>17190567
>I have a better career, that pays more, with a more advanced degree, and he treats me like I should be a stay at home wife
Sounds like you think pretty highly of yourself. I'm willing to bet you hold this over your husband and he's pretty sick of it. And how does he treat you like you should be a stay at home wife? By trying to support you financially and trying to take on most of the duties outside the home? The horrors.
>>17190583
Yes and no
Its wrong what you two are doing
And it's wrong stringing him along if you dont intend to divorce your husband
>>17190588
We work similar hours, but I do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I know that if we eventually have kids (if he finally decides that he's ready), I'm going to be the one raising them, too.
>>17190592
The problem is that I haven't made my mind up yet. How heartbroken is my friend going to be if it takes several more weeks for me to figure out? I imagine the longer it takes, the worse it'll be for him? I don't want to cause him pain, and I love him. Sigh.
>>17190613
Pretty much
Make up your mind fast and be sure as hell about it
No going back
>>17190588
I wish i could be a stay at home wife but my man is too poor
So basically, the longer I take to decide, the more my friend agonizes and the worse the heartbreak will be if I rebuke him, but there's nothing I can do to help me decide? Sigh.
>>17190545
>I'm married, and the marriage isn't great. I want kids, he is pushing back against it. I'm also no longer in love with him, and he isn't entirely supportive, or respectful of my career and accomplishments.
Fix it or get out. Sucks it didn't work out, but at least you tried.
>>17190631
Yes
For the second time
Look if you dont want to stay with your husband call it quits
If you dont want to divorce him tell your friend its over
You fucked up not now live up to it and finish it one way or the other
By not doing anything youre being a shit to both men
