> be me
> be in an abusive relationship for far too long
> not know how to leave because every time I try to they blackmail me into staying
meanwhile
> abusive partner spends 99% of their time telling their friends who barely even know me that it's all in my head
> their ex reaches out to me and tells me it isn't in my head and that they did the same thing to them for years before they could get away
> abuser went to the point of trying to sabotage their next relationship with the guilt tripping and threats
> they tell me it's best to cut them off
> little attempts towards cutting them off gradually fail as they try to claim to my friends that I'm crazy and don't really want to break up
> going behind my back with other people they've been unfaithful about and those people threaten to beat me up without even knowing me
> partner is basically taking the typical abuse route and claiming to others and everyone who will listen that it's me being abusive
what do I do?
I have all of the proof of their abuse, lots of it.
My first question is how do I cut them off without them going full stalker and harassing my friends further?
my second question is how can I stop it affecting me? my shitty partner and their friend's abuse affects me so badly it gives me full blown panic attacks and yet somehow they're still the victim
And when I break up and cut them off, is it better to just say nothing more than goodbye or do I make a point of standing up to them (again) and telling them what they did wrong when I know they're only going to use my words against me and twist them to their growing army of equally as unpleasant people?
My friends can see through their bullshit but their friends don't know their true nature. This is a very particular kind of abuser, who is very charming and acts like the kindest person in the world but behind closed doors they are malicious and cruel,
(cont)
Behind closed doors they enjoy hurting me and bringing me down, they laugh at me and tell me they wouldn't care if I died and they think rape and abuse is hilarious. They act as if their friends coud not live without them and clearly have narcisstic traits.
I don't know how to approach anyone about it because they've already done such a good job over our relationship with taking precautions by painting me to be the crazy one.
But here I have all this wonderful proof that I'm not, do I dare use it in attempt to be free of their constant claims to anyone who will listen?
They are also heavily hypocritical. They are controlling, emotionally and sexually abusive, but the minute I try to put my foot down because they've been unfaithful time and time again or they constantly treat me badly or lie, they get angry at me and tell me that's also me being stupid.
I know I'm not being stupid, but this is making me slowly lose the will to live despite their games where they'll say I'm the one draining them. How can I get out without them abusing me more for it.
They throw me away and then bully me back every single time the way they did to their ex but years later and the ex tells me they are much more malicious and abusive to me now than they were to them back then.
I'm so scared, I'm so done, I practically hate them at this point but I don't want to be abused or harassed for whatever I do.
>>17188988
First off, stay strong.
Good on you for knowing that it's time to leave this relationship. You said you have proof, go to close friends or family, show them and ask for help. You can also try to get a restraining order on your partner.
Do you live with this person? If so, pick a day where he's out of the house and collect your things and GTFO to a safe place, like your parent's house.
>>17189045
Thank you for the encouragement, I'm doing my best but it's so difficult. This sadly isn't my first experience with an abusive relationship, as much as he tells his friends it's in my head and I'm lying.
I don't live with him so that's one thing. It's the people he keeps involving that's the problem. If they knew what he was doing I feel like there's a chance they would back down...but I don't know how to approach a bunch of people who would only go back to him and that would put me in danger.
>>17188969
There are groups that will help you leave abusive partners.
>>17189296
Please could I have some I could go to? I tried before and he found out and laughed about how happy I must be to go to them and twist everything. I think that in itself proved to me he was truly foul. I'd love some as he knows the one I went to before and I need somewhere he doesn't know about.
Funny how he keeps so many things from me but me doing this in secret for my own safety would absolutely set him over the edge. I'm sick of the double standards. I want out.
>>17189327
I don't know if you're still here OP. I'm not >>17189296 but if you want suggestions on where you could go local to where you live, you need to reveal some information about where you are. Otherwise, use google.
Here's what I'm curious about: if you actually want to leave, what's actually stopping you?
>>17188969
>how do I cut them off without them going full stalker
You cannot control what other people do. What you can do is get a restraining order and you can tell your friends who are harassed to do the same. This won't necessarily stop your soon to be ex from stalking or harassment, but it establishes that these are things that he is doing and it creates consequences for his behavior, even if the consequences aren't immediate.
>how can I stop it affecting me?
You can minimize its effect by getting away from it. If you need help with dealing with the long term effects, go see a therapist.
>when I break up and cut them off, is it better to just say nothing more than goodbye
The goal is to get yourself out of a bad situation, not to make yourself feel better by making a dramatic speech. You don't need to say goodbye. If you think you might be in danger if you let this person know you're leaving, then just leave.
