Hey guys, first time poster here.
I started seeing a girl I've known for roughly two years running. About two months ago we became a couple and started talking more frequently and seeing each other on a once a week basis, which I always made the plans for and always engaged first due to not having a clear schedule ( though before we began our relationship she always engaged first ).
Just last week during a late Skype call we made a deal ( I can't say the details ), of which I did my half and expected her to do hers. She told me once she was done eating she'd pull through, and I messaged her telling her I'd wait for her for that night. However, she didn't message me back so I went to bed about two/three hours later.
I wasn't needy so I waited about the week mentioned ( it was about eight days though ), of which she didn't message me back nor hit me up at all. Once the eight days passed, I sent her a message about it in a friendly and playful manner ( how I usually act around her ) with literally no response at all. Which isn't normal for her since she's always replied to me a few hours after.
I should also mention before we were in a relationship, we were supposed to Skype one day and she flaked on me, then we didn't speak for about a month. I dropped her without telling her, then she came back more willing to talk. So it makes me think this is the same case, but as my girlfriend I didn't expect her to behave this way, so I'm considering dumping her as I find it immature.
Long story short - We had a deal. I filled my end. Waited for her to fill hers and she didn't. Didn't message her back or made a scene about it. Waited eight days with no message from her. Messaged her after the eight days with no response. How should I handle this?
>>17188954
Tell us deal or shit first post
I think even if you don't dump her, things seem like they are headed towards the dumpster.
She obviously is emotionally distant for a reason, possibly shes found another guy or what not... In general the balance of power or balance of investment should be male 80% - female 20%. Then as you go through the chasing and make her fall in love with you it should be around 50% - 50%. I'd wager, a healthy relationship should always have the female as the more invested one, so maybe around 35%-45% male investment, with the rest as female investment.
From what I've read, I think the balance is very off and it sounds like a LDR. I think its best to let go and cut your losses. Best of luck friend.
You both seem young and dumb, she seems to not even know what she wants and you seem inexperiented with women
This is not going anywhere
>>17188981
Inexperienced*
>>17188973
Ah, I see. So basically engaging once per week was a mistake on my end. I suppose it does make sense. But then again I had no clear schedule, so how were we supposed to talk?
>>17188981
I wouldn't disagree with you. Can I get a bit more insight about my inexperience, so I can learn.
>>17189027
I am>>17188981
I'm busy right now but as soon as i'm done here i'll give you a more in-depth advice and why i know it'll fail, specially if it's an LDR.
I have been there.
>>17189078
Alright. I'll be looking out for it.
>>17189027
No, it's not how many times you engage her, it's how many times you start the conversation compared to her, if she's not willing to give you just as much of her time as you do then it won't work out
>>17189155
Yeah, I definitely hear you. It's a two way street.
>>17188954
I would be alarmed if I didn't see my girlfriend for 8 days, but she lives with me so that's probably different.
>>17188954
I don't understand your relationship at all, is this long distance? Have you actually met in real life?
Not messaging each other for 8 days doesn't sound like a relationship to me. Am I right in assuming you are both very young?
>>17189200
Definitely a different situation.
>>17189215
It's long distance. I'm 21, she's 18. I didn't complain or call her out on not telling me anything, as to me it seemed silly. I didn't think she'd ''ignore'' me when I messaged her, but to me I think it was better to be ignored and establish her character so I could decide if to leave or not.
>>17189270
Sorry to say but you're not in a real relationship and she is not actually your girlfriend. If this is still early days of you guys "dating" and i use that term loosely then you have much to worry about further down the line.
Me >>17188981 again
I just finished doing my stuff and now i'm gonna tell you, sincerely, why you should not lose sleep over this.
First of all, as i said before, i have been there. My story is long but to summarize it to you the best i can:
I met a girl on the internet many years ago, we talked to each other for a while on a chatroom and both enjoyed the conversation very much, i started going to the same chatroom to talk to her everyday, then i added her on MSN and started talking with her nearly everyday, became "friends" and talked about a lot of things with each other.
Fast forward one or two years, things became way more intimate and strong between us, at this point we talked everyday from 8pm up until midnight on MSN, exchanged pics a few times, as time passed and we shared experiences and talked about mundane shit with each other i grew more and more infatuated, thinking i was in love and we were perfect for each other.
Eventually we moved to talking on the phone, texting wasn't doing it anymore for me, i wanted to hear her voice. Somewhere at this point i was drafted for one year, shit sucked, had much less time to talk to her and missed her a lot, after i left the army i thought i was madly in love. I was 19 and she was 20.
Even though i hadn't actually confessed it and we never talked about online dating, the romance between us grew naturally and WITHOUT any of us mentioning it, it just happened, it was obvious that we liked each other as more than friends. We were also both shut-ins, we both had never dated and it was clear that if one of us went on a date with someone else it would make the other heavily disappointed and probably kill the chances of us being together, so we basically saved ourselves for the growing possibility of us meeting in person, crazy isn't it?
One day i said to myself THIS IS IT, i picked up the phone, called her and said: F, i can't stand this anymore, i have to meet you, i have to know you in person.
cont...
...cont
So, we planned everything, the date, the place.
We were both afraid that the other would be disappoint and the whole fantasy would come crumbling down because you know, things aren't same in person, it's easy to hide your flaws when you talk through a computer screen, but i was decided to do it, if i didn't at least try, this would probably be my biggest regret in life.
We met, things were perfect, she was everything i dreamed for. Things went much better than expected and then i decided that i wanted to date her, she accepted and so i would fly over to meet her once or twice a month.
I realized something in the very beginning that started to bother me, i was the one putting effort into everything, i was the one that seemed much more happy and excited to meet her, take her to places, kiss her.
I started to wonder "does she really like nearly as much as i like her? am i in for a broken heart?"
She always said it was nothing, but i knew there was something, even though we talked everyday and when i was there we shared some beautiful moments together, it seemed that she was just doing it for the sake of it, and not because she had romantic feelings for me, she always denied this, at least until the day of our break-up.
She was distant and one day she didn't call me (she was usually the one to call or text me first after i got home from work), nor in the next day, or the following 3 days, this had never happened in the last 3 years or so. I was worried and decided to call her and ask why she was so quiet, she said she didn't feel like talking to anyone and wanted to be left 'alone', i said "ok" and turned off.
4 days later she called me, we had a very long fight over what just happened, i told her everything about how her indifference and lack of passion was hurting me, i was crying and sad, and when i asked her what was going on these were words to me:
cont
"Ok L, to tell you the truth ...i don't love you, i don't feel anything for you, i don't want you to come here see me again, this is not going to work. We can be friends if you want but don't expect me to feel anything more for you, it won't happen."
In this moment i felt like i was about to die, i felt like the world was about to crumble over my head. That was the most painful day of my life, and that day was in last october.
I have been depressed since, it stings much less now but i still didn't get over it, i still couldn't forget her, and what is destroying me inside is the fact that, after all these years, after everything we shared, after everything we said, after this whole story between us, it has been over 6 months since that moment, and she never called me back, never texted, never sent a "hi", it seems that she just brushed everything off and moved on.
Don't waste your time with a woman that doesn't know what she wants, don't get emotionally involved with someone that doesn't feel as strongly for you as you feel for her.
You don't want to know this pain and be this miserable.
She's not unique, she's not special and not your soulmate, if she's not putting effort into it and is indecise about her feelings for you, cut yourself the waste of time.
Wait, so you've never actually met this girl in person? She's just an internet stranger? Case closed, faggot. She's not your girlfriend, she's just a person on the internet that you've deluded yourself over.
>>17189560
Just had the same thing happen dude. I know the pain. However I work with this girl so I see her every week which is a fucking painful reminder.
>>17189639
He had met her faggot. Case closed.
>>17190428
He's talking about OP
