You're at the point in your relationship where you shouldn't have to do anything fancy to justify it.

Getting upset means you aren't secure about your relationship and need the validation of it being special, despite having dated him for 4 years already.

What do you think that would be appropriate?

>>17187958
We started dating in high school so we never got to do anything fancy and he's never had a job either to get me anything fancy. I guess I wish he were just a little bit romantic or put a little bit effort into being romantic, you know?

>>17187953
He's a guy, he doesn't give a shit about celebrations. That's reality.
As long as you suck his dick well after whatever you do, he will be content with the day.

>>17187953
Anniversaries don't mean anything unless you're married. My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years and neither of us really even know when our 'anniversary' is. Dating anniversaries are a thing that high school kids do to pat themselves on the back for not breaking it off after the first 2 weeks.

Just hang out with him. If it's a nice day go out for some ice cream and talk about memories, or even the future. Take the time to reconnect with him because when you've been dating a long time it's easy to forget why you're in love. It doesn't have to be some big stupid occasion where you do something unique.

>>17187960
I don't really know, last year we went to the zoo and had a good dinner. We don't do anything big for Valentines either, I just made us steaks and bought us wine. We're 19 by the way.
It just bums me out a bit when I see couples around me dating a year or less going on road trips or something and knowing I'll never have that because he doesn't like to travel and if it happens I'd probably be the one driving. If we got married someday it probably would get worse.

>>17187963
>he's never had a job either to get me anything fancy
You are really a shallow idiot.

>>17187969
Sorry to break it to you but you two sound incompatible and he sounds uncaring.

>>17187963
My husband forgets to get me things for Christmas, Mother's Day, Anniversaries etc unless I remind him of holidays and such he forgets. it's just how men are. It used to hurt me, being forgotten, but he's good at remembering the kids and that's all that matters to me now.

>>17187976
It's good that he remembers at least that he has kids.

You can't plan one and hope he decides to plan the next. Some people like celebrating these things, some don't really care. Tell him ahead of time you want to do something special. Maybe it sucks that you don't get the "romantic surprise" of it, but you just need to talk about what you want.

For the moment, say you'll postpone doing anything today, but that you want to plan a special date together. Gives you time to get over it and you still get to do something. Make sure you tell him that you want him involved in the planning. If you usually plan things, he might assume you will by default.

>>17187979
lol. Sometimes it's even unbelievable to me that I have kids. I just meant that he remembers to get them stuff for their birthdays and all that, though.

>>17187963
You're venting to the wrong people, then. Communicate that with him, that you'd appreciate sweet, romantic moments with him. See how he feels about it.

I mean he obviously still gives a shit about you and certain dates involving your relationship, but maybe not as much or maybe he doesn't know how much you yourself value sentimental things like that.

It doesn't really mean he doesn't value you yourself or like you a lot, it just means he probably doesn't think much of that kind of thing.

But in the end I'm just guessing. You want to deal with it? Bring it to him in an organized discussion and understand each other. You're going to have retards here trying to derail you. If he understands and reciprocates, great, now go fuck each other (with condoms or birth control). If he doesn't feel as strongly, then decide if that's a deal breaker for you or not. If it makes you happy, fuck being called shallow or whatever

>>17187970
What do you mean, in North America and Asia it's quite common to get each other anniversary gifts. I mean I've purchased gifts for him before too.

>>17187979
this made me laugh (OP here)

>>17187984
he's calling you materialistic and vain

i understand you probably have romantic thoughts and sentiments of a high school teen hooked on disney channel romance still, and that's fine and cute/innocent in its own way. but you should probably talk to your lover about your expectations and see if you both can meet them together or not

>>17187953
If you are going to stay with this guy you're going to have to just accept that he is never going to give too much of a shit about anniversaries or maybe even something like Mother's Day or whatever.
Lots of guys are just like this. They get in an abstract way that it matters to you, but are incapable of caring enough to fully understand or put forth the amount of effort which will Mae you feel appreciated.
So just accept it or dump him before you end up smothering him to sleep on your 10th wedding anniversary.

>>17187981
I know how you meant it, but sometimes you get doubts whether men remember they(?) have kids if you watch men long enough.

>>17187980
He already asked me what to do and I've been really busy with school. I said dinner would be fine. He asked me to pick a place so I could book it. I know he's been wanting to eat at a fancy restaurant for a long time, so I suggest that. After not responding and acting like he didn't hear me, I realize that he probably knows it's too expensive, so I just tell him "we don't have to do anything fancy". He goes back to Square one and asks me what I want to do. Then he suggests we walk around in the shopping district, but first of all it's raining and second of all he hates being in places with a lot of people. I tell him is a bad idea because he won't enjoy and and jokingly say that maybe we just shouldn't do anything and he says "okay". Then I vented and say that's not what I really want and I was just kidding, and it would be good to do something nice. He asks me for the third time what we should do and I, in frustration, hung up the call. He never called back and just went to sleep.

>>17187953
You want a lot of things, what do you contribute to the relationship?

>>17187995
This is solid advice. Most men just do not fucking care about occasions or kin keeping or anything of that nature.

lol I remember on my first mother's day my fiance got me a game I didn't want on Steam.. I was like "Th-thanks" and went into the shower to cry for an hour. All I wanted was a stereotypical gift like a boquet of flowers for my first mother's day. I look back and laugh at how stupid I was for expecting anything else or even caring.

You just got to break yourself of caring about these thing to because you're just setting yourself up for disappointment with 90% of men.

>>17188001
We're each others best friends and like what other posters said we are really opposites and from different cultures as well. I guess what I contribute is that I'm really extroverted and I've helped bring him out of his shell over the years. Most of his friends now were my friends to begin with. When I had a job I would buy his clothes for him (I was 17/18 at the time). I paid for dinners most of the time as well and he often eats with my family out where my parents pay for his meal. Celebrated his birthday with him when his parents forgot.

>>17188000
He's a wet blanket and brushes like a manchild. Don't call him back, wait for him to call.

>>17188000
That.. just says more to me you had an idea in your head that you aren't sharing with him. He seems willing to do what you want. You both threw out ideas that wouldn't work after looking into them further.

What about what I said, postpone and save for a special date instead of going out for the sake of your anniversary?

>>17187999
He may not be the best, most thoughtful husband, but he's a great father and I feel lucky to have him in that regard. We co-parent, and he seems very content with this, and I am too.

>>17188012
I originally had to go to an important event on our anniversary but rearranged it for the day, which is a little bit of why I didn't want to do something on another day. Another reason is he's busy at school as well and I have a lot on my plate. I know if we don't "celebrate" now we won't do it at all, especially since his birthday is coming up soon.
>>17188011
He's most likely just sleeping now, when he gets stressed out about emotional things he just shuts down.
>>17188006
that's really sad, I feel the same way. I don't necessarily want gifts, just a card would be nice, something that let me know he put some thought into the day.

>>17188008
You did more for him than cold be expected from a woman. He sounds really dismissive in exchange. Is he usually this unimaginative and killjoy?

you expect a lot from someone who has never had a job. he's 19 and clearly not in the stage of life where he can afford to "treat his mrs to nice things" and at least he seems aware of it, if not working towards making things better. you can always find an older and/or richer dude who will bathe you in money, if that's what you want.

>>17188008
>>17188025
He sounds kind of like a loser. You are really decent for putting up with his bs.

>>17187984
Gifts and special dates shouldn't be a chore or something expected. If your partner doesn't like doing those stuff or doesn't have the means to do so, you shouldn't complain.
If all you care about are gifts and dates to show off to your friends on Facebook, you're a bit of an idiot.
There are many ways to show someone you love them, if he is caring in other ways you shouldn't complain.

>>17188026
Yeah, sometimes I want to watch a movie in theatres and he suggests just watching at home but I don't want to because he'll just fall asleep and then I'll have to drive him back home after getting comfortable in bed because he hates staying over. He just doesn't feel comfortable in public or with people, which I understand. I've stopped asking him to go to parties with me or events, just go solo and friends often wonder where he's at or if I'm still dating him. He even hates taking photos and I'm a sentimental person with a wall of photos in my room. I love him but it's tough when it comes to event days.
>>17188028
That's not what I wanted at all, anon.

>>17187953
You're incompatible. You're a shallow child who thinks anniversaries matter. He's an uncaring asshole who doesn't care about what you want. This is all.

>>17187953
You guys are busy
He doesn't care about materialistic crap as much as you seem to want it

I never understood why anniversaries are important, its just a day.
I never bought my ex flowers nor took her out for dinner or anything, id make a cake and give her a foot rub if she wanted one and thats it
But i did that most weekends

Just forget it, it costs money he doesn't have, if he's introverted it costs more energy and will power than you can imagine
I can walk for miles to my college but sitting with my friends at a coffee shop or a bar when theres a crowd drains me so much i need days to feel capable of stepping out side

>>17187969
fucking christ DUMP HIS LOSER ASS, theres probably 5 to 10 guys waiting to ask you out but you'd never know because they don't show it since you have a boyfriend and it's guy code not to hit on another dudes girl.

meanwhile you're miserable and he's a lazy sad sack.

even if i'm wrong and there aren't several dudes waiting to ask you out, just dumping him will make him realize geez I do need to get my shit together

don't mean to rant but I just don't understand why people date for 4 fucking years. get married if you really like each other, or break up if you're not happy, that's the whole point of dating

>>17188037
You two sound to be complete opposited, and you sound much more mature than him. It's like you're his mommy or at least the man in the relationship.

>>17188048
He sounds like an introvert with a generic extroverted girlfriend
People say its the best way a d other crap but it doesn't work

To him parties and going out so much is suffering, to her staying at home is agony
Thats why introverted people need introverted partners

Also dunno where youre from OP but he sounds like a normal guy here, you dobt move out or have money until you finish college so that part is okay in my book

>>17188043
gee I wonder why she's your ex.

you sound pretty pathetic too

>>17188055
I'm from north america, I think it's normal not to move out with your parents till you are in a stable position too
>>17188044
We're with each other because he's my best friend and keeps me grounded. I'm around other super extroverted high achievers who are extremely shallow all the time and being around someone intelligent but not shallow makes me feel more human. But I guess that's where the glaring problem is, huh?

anyways, thanks everyone - i'm probably more miserable than I was starting this thread but it's good to step out of my situation and look at it objectively the way you all have. I realize that maybe i am the one at fault here and I'm just really shallow and wasting everyone's time. anyways, good night! thanks again.

>>17187953
have wild sex??

Clearly it's not important to him. Since it's important to you you should have either a: communicated this to him since he's not a mind reader, or b: just done it yourself.

Instead it seems you're going route c: be a passive aggressive bitch.

>>17188068
It's not about being shallow. It's about being able to enjoy activities together. If you always want the complete opposite, you never will be happy.

>>17188056
Im just not your average materialistic american kiddo
Id rather bake my girl a cake than take her out to a restaurant
If you think buying something beats making something thst takes time and effort you wont understand any of it anyway

She's my ex because she was u grateful, a liar and had wild mood swings that just got worsr and she took out her frustration from failing life on me

>>17188068
You are less shallow than you think but more than youd want to be

Its okay, you spend time with people lile it and it rubs on you
But keep in mind he isn't like those friends and social status doesn't mean much to him
If ge keeps you grounded and you love him try to understand him and find some middle ground

My friend is like him and me, his gf is lile you
After 3 years she stopped forcing him to parties and doesn't nag for much and they are happier now for it, she's rich and requires a lot to be satisfied, he just wants to sit down and watch a show or play a game
Ita hard but doable

Your boyfriend doesn't like sleeping over....? What the fuck.

>>17188095
That's not as weird as you may think. Some people have a hard time sleeping in places they're not very familiar with (anywhere but home).

>>17188103
True
Also he might feel intimidated by your family too

>>17188094
isn't she accommodating to him more than he is then?

OP, while the very same idiots on this thread go "men don't give a shit about anniversaries" and proceed to cry in another thread "women only date chads and ignore the average joe hypergamy blah blah" - I'm going to tell you this: a significant subset of men, one you're not going to find on this goddamn board, do keep anniversaries and do think it important.

You've been dating him for 4 years and he won't even sleep over with you, and in your opinion has never ever changed his attitude or behaviour towards things you like while you have done the same for him.

It's one thing to say "I haven't been able to prepare something fancy, but come over for a dinner and a movie?" It's another thing to order YOU around and go "arrange a dinner and movie yourself or else nothing is happening".

You know what's really maddening about this kind of situation? Your boyfriend will learn. For another person. Much later. For as long as he is with you, whether it's a case of you actually breaking up with him and letting him back in, or having fights with him or whatever it is, he won't do those things for you, because he's been allowed to get away with 4 years of absolute bullshit.

Turn up at his place on that anniversary. See what he does. Then break up with him. You can't live the rest of your life like this where you're being gaslit by loser m/adv/irgins about how men shouldn't be expected to function as any more than a sexist amoeba.

>>17188103
Yeah but after dating for 4 years, shit's still unfamiliar?

>>17188143
Nope
She just does her own shit when she wants to and he can play games when he wants to

When he's on tv she goes to watch him, when she has a play he sits through it
One day a week she stays at home abd they watch a movie or something and one day a week he goes out with her and her friends tho not always

The amount you compromise and what you compromise isnt the same, he doesn't like parties
Dont make him go, it isnt a big deal to you but to him its a saving grace
He wont force you to stay at home as he knows you like going out
She's rich and she buys him shit and he brings her tiny juice boxes and sweets when he has some money and she adores it because a juice box for her means he cant drink shit all day in college while she can spend 100$ every day on things

Events and anniversaries are weird
You can treat it like any other day and spend it with each other
Make something together, if you love him does buying a gift mean more to you than to spend a day with that person?

If you have money get yourself what you want
Talk to him and let him know you would like something, a sign that he cares at least because he might feel ashamed because you have needs beyond his capability and that majes him feel like crap and inadequate while you feel frustrated

>>17187953
Why don't you plan something to the level you want and surprise HIM for your four year

>>17187963
love, romance died a few hundred years ago.

>>17187953

I'm chiming in pretty late, but I'm going to echo and reinforce something I've seen a few posters say already:

Your boyfriend is either the sentimental type who cares about things like anniversaries and the like, or he's not.

You can't make him care, any more than you can make yourself not care.

That is the type of people that you both are.

Me, I'm the type who tends to care. I care enough that I literally count the months, even when my girlfriend forgets. I can recall near exactly everything that happened on our first date, the conversations we had, what we did.

I can even recall that same information about friends. I can remember my meeting my best friend the 2nd day of 6th grade, I remember us both hanging back as the class walked together to the auditorium while we talked about and bonding about video games. I can remember thinking he was kind of geeky but cool.

I remember meeting another friend in college. I was sitting on a bunch and she was telling me about how she loves sailing and I thought she thought she was just another typical rich white girl, then meeting her again later and having a talk about her family and making some dumb joke about a board game, and then starting to think, actually she was pretty cool.

That girl I just mentioned, she's my best friend's ex. Among the reasons she ended up breaking up with him because he's just not at all the sentimental type. He is probably the worst human being I've ever known for being able to make small considerate gestures or remember dates like that. They never once celebrated an anniversary, or went on any romantic trips or the like. After four years, she kind of had to call it quits (there was more to it, but that was part of it)

This is all too say: There are some people for whom these types of things are important of those for whom they're not.

Four years in, you know what type of boyfriend he is. Decide if this is something that truly bothers you or not.

>>17187953
I think celebrating x years of dating or valantiesday suck ass. But does he do plan somthing els in the Year. I do this if I'm in a relationship... Not even in a relationship next week i go with my fuck boddy in the woods have a fire some wine and look at the stars and have great sex in the nature. So what I mean is does he show you he loves you in romantic way?? I understand you want that but don't Force this shit on a special day

>>17188307
This.
I'm the type of guy who doesn't think at all about anniversaries, I even forget my own birthday so everyone is different.

OP, it's not because that he doesn't care about you, it's just that he doesn't show his affection that way. He might change, and he might not, but you can't change him, he has to change himself.

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If you told him this was important to you- and he STILL didn't do anything- then I think you should consider moving on.

You're already at the point where you'd rather be alone than disappointed. How much worse can things get?

So many people here would quit things right away
Is it seriously so hard to put your feet on the ground and see that nobody is perfect?