So how can I tell whether someone deeply enjoys my presence and loves talking to me, or is only putting up with me out of politeness/pity/etc?
I can only figure it out when they tell me directly and genuinely, eg "i love talking to you, it makes my day" or "stop following me around, find some real friends". Is there a way to get people to do that faster? Asking them directly usually gets me some polite platitude like "oh it's fine, don't worry".
The worst part is that everyone seems to have the same problem with me! During practically every conversation they constantly ask whether they're bothering me, disturbing me, that i don't have to talk if i don't want to, etc.
Drives me fucking nuts since i genuinely like just sitting there and listening to their problems for hours, that's why i'm on this board so much after all (if i could understand people i'd probably make a decent shrink).
Got any ideas?
If they only respond when prompted, they're not enjoying the conversation or have other stuff that to them is more important. If this happens consistently rather than just occasionally, the person probably isn't enjoying your company.
If they actively engage you, especially if they're involving you rather than just talking at you, then they enjoy your company and the conversation. The more often this happens, the better the relationshop between you two.
There's exceptions to these, but this is a good guideline.
You can also see how the person behaves with others. If they're friendly with everyone, or if they're reserved and distant with everyone, you need to look harder to make sure. It's easy to figure out if you're the exception.
>>17186275
If they ask you questions about yourself, and not just those basic "How are you?" or "What is your major?". People who are truly interested will want to know more.
>>17186302
>If they only respond when prompted, they're not enjoying the conversation or have other stuff that to them is more important. If this happens consistently rather than just occasionally, the person probably isn't enjoying your company.
This doesn't exactly work with socially awkward people, eg the autistic and anxious. O can figure out if someone's autistic fairly easily, but when it comes to girls, most seem to be anxious, at least around me: how can i tell whether this is due to me being creepy/strange (not knowing how to get away from me?), intimidation/fear, attraction, social anxiety in general, or perhaps my social ineptitude rubbing off on them?
>You can also see how the person behaves with others.
The problem is that most people seem to be the same in this regard: they are friendly with their friends, and reserved with other people. The only exceptions seem to be flaming extroverts and traumatized kids/social outcasts.
Also, using this metric has led me astray in the past: i assumed that since people chat freely, gossip, and laugh with their friends, yet are more guarded around me, that means they don't like me. But apparently it really just means that we aren't friends yet, only the aforementioned flaming extroverts are as talkative and giggly with acquaintances as with friends.
I could watch them with various acquaintances and see how they interact differently with the ones they like and don't like, but this seems a little excessively creepy and stalkerish. Is it?
>>17186322
How do I distinguish this from pity?
Bump.bmp
Bump again.
>>17187540 Thanks, friend.
Do you have or do something that makes you a person of value?
Do you have any interesting hobbies?
Have you shared any significant experiences with a group of people?
Are you generally pleasant to be around?
If you answered no to all of these questions, chances are you're a toxic, boring, alienating piece of shit! Which is a likely chance, considering where you are right now.
Otherwise, you're probably just being overly anxious and thinking too much about what other people think.
