Since I was a little kid, I've had a lot of weird rituals I had to do or else I'd have panic attacks.
I felt the need to count things constantly, repeat mantras and prayers to myself, and check repeatedly if my body/clothing was clean. I also have serious anxiety issues around cleaning my house or workspace and keeping it it organized. I carry around a notebook and have to write down everything I do each day.
My parents and teachers didn't really understand what it was, so they would just tell me to stop because "only crazy people did those things"
I learned to hide it, or to simply zone out/deal with the massive anxiety attacks that came on if I didn't follow through with my rituals.
I recently realized that I probably have full-blown OCD. I am also starting to realize that a lot of my compulsions are not harmful, and I'd probably be better off if I just let myself count random shit or tap my desk a certain number of times.
It's not like I have a germ phobia or something that would cause me to wash my hands until the skin flaked off. Mostly, my compulsions just involve organizing and counting things this relieves stress for me.
I'd like to get a diagnosis, unfortunately I have poor-person socialized healthcare so this would involve seeing a GP and getting a referral to another doctor.
Here is my problem:
Doctors fucking hate it when a patient comes in with an idea of what their diagnosis should be. I don't know how to bring up my weird-ass rituals to my doctor without it looking bad. The symptoms don't distress me. If anything I've come to peace with being a crazy person. I am afraid my calmness will make it look like I am faking.
and secondly
I don't really want to be medicated. I don't mind seeing a counselor or going to group to learn coping mechanisms or something, but I don't feel like my quality of life is harmed by my compulsions. I am afraid if they send me to a psychiatrist I will be required to try medication to continue treatment.
Thoughts?
>>17185188
Yep OCD.
You know what OCD minds are usually good at? Benign magic rituals, because basically your mind is attempting to practice ritual magic. Get some books, and read up. Also stay away from summoning. Just work with earth elements to start with.
>>17185336
Interesting. Thanks, anon.
Religious rites have always fascinated me, even though I don't follow any particular tradition. I like reading up on the topic, though. I will look into this.
>>17185188
Psychfag here;
Given what you've said, it seems 99% likely you have OCD. No harm in bringing this up with a GP, they're not going to hate it if you explain that you have rituals you feel an overwhelming compulsion to perform/complete, and if you don't you have extreme anxiety. The GP will more than likely want brief information, such as an example of the rituals. I'd also make a point to say that it the compulsions and rituals don't distress you or impact your life in any meaningful way.If you ask politely for a referral you're good to go.
As a side note, OCD or in fact any mental illness doesn't need to be "fixed". So long as you're comfortable with what you have and can manage without it impacting your life drastically, therapy most likely isn't going to have a profound effect on you beyond helping you understand what you have, which seems like it would give you some closure. Also, I highly doubt medication would be suggested. If it is, you can always look for another psych. You have no obligation to do anything against your will.
Good luck OP, I understand your apprehension but be open and honest. Everything should work out well :)
>>17185438
Thank you, anon. This is actually very reassuring.
>>17185188
I've worked in mental health for years.
For the most part there's nothing wrong with ocd. It's only when it gets destructive(or self destructive) that there is an issue. Make sure you are not doing anything that means physical pain(or worse) for you if you overdo it. That's about it.
I have OCD too. I haven't been diagnosed thought because I can handle it and I doubt people know that I have it. It's hard as fuck to stop doing that shit though, because it doesn't feel right to stop. When I was younger I used to think that something bad would happen if I didn't do something a specific number of times or until it felt right and that I would be the cause for that bad thing to happen. It kinda stopped though. I mean I have a shit ton of anxiety and get panic attacks now and then, but when it comes to OCD I just lock my phone like 4 times in a row, put my alarm on twice and copy & paste stuff on the computer with Ctrl + C like 5-6 times.
>>17185188
Have you thought about being checked for Autism? As an actual autistic I feel pretty confident in saying you should get tested.
OCD people are top tier qts
you have nothing to be ashamed of
>>17185743
No, I have not been checked.
My best friend is autistic, and we share a lot of traits. However, I don't share the ones that are most associated with autism, like having trouble with verbal communication or reading facial expressions, or rocking and hand-flapping.
