Hey /adv/,
Could really use some potential guidance at this point. I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years now, with a pretty great girl. Recently my girlfriend was diagnosed with endometriosis. It's a reproductive organ disease that causes extreme pain, cramping, and very painful sex. For the past 2 years symptoms have been progressively getting worse, and they're going to continue that way for many years. Our sex life went utterly downhill, maybe 1-2 times a month if we were lucky. We're both in our early 20's. The thing is, her libido has almost vanished; but mine still remains the same. We've talked about it plenty of times, tried to spice things up, worked on things to make sex better (positions, lubrication, varying times in the month regulating around menstrual cycles). The problem is this. She acts like it's perfectly okay, she doesn't push for sex; or even seem like she has any desire for it.
The thing is, I'm 23 years old. I basically crave it 24/7. She won't do blowjobs, tease me, suprise me, rarely shows any reaction to kissing or making out. I understand what she's going through; I'm trying to be there for her whenever she needs it. I'm really struggling with this though, I feel rejected consistently and I'm not getting my needs met in this relationship.
I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't want to leave her for something she doesn't have control over (or maybe she to some degree does). I love this girl, but I feel like I'm running out of options for making this a fulfilling relationship.
What say you /adv/?
>>17183825
relationship without sex is friendship. she isn't even trying, you shouldn't too.
Uh, well then.
My story
>she has endometriosis
>Her sex drive vanishes
>I keep nagging her and making her feel like shit for not wanting me.
>get jealous because i think shes having an affair or isn't attracted to me
>I've lost 60lbs in 3 months
>still nothing
>makes me insecure, we fight about it
>Break up a few days ago
It all makes sense now. Gosh. I am retarded.
>>17183825
I'm a woman in my 20s with endometriosis. I can say that, if she's on the pill, her libido will probably drop. But she still needs to put forth effort to make sure that your needs are properly met. Instead of twice a month, you should both aim for twice a week. And if she's still unwilling, I don't see why she can't offer you oral. It's hard to be interested in sex when your libido takes a nosedive due to medication, but she should look at her other options--there are many. She'll also need to learn how to get herself in the mood. It takes time.
Talk about this with her. If she's all talk and doesn't put forth the effort, you may need to leave this relationship.
Also, is she overweight? Because that certainly won't help anything.
>>1718384>>17183843
>>>17183825 (OP) (You)
Hey, thanks for the reply! Currently she's not taking pills for it, other than pain. She does have an IUD designed for those with endometriosis though. She's also going in august for a laproscopic to find out the extent of the damage. She's not overweight, actually she's quite fit. I can understand the interest would be difficult with a low libido; but that's always possible to work around. I just am confused; for me. Sex is more about doing things for your partner; rather than simply just a feeling for yourself. I don't see why blowjobs and whatnot are almost completely ruled out. I'm lucky to get maybe 5 a year to completion. All I can say is its been talked about; it just gets brought back on me. Eg. I ask to much (1-3 times a week or hint about it), make small gestures and get turned down, talk about what could be fun. I don't know, it's just fucking tough.
>>17183886
You're not asking for much, but you don't have too many options with someone that refuses to help meet your needs. At this point, you can either deal with it and the impending resentment, or you can find someone that you're compatible with (or at least cares for you enough to help meet your needs).
>>17183918
>>17183918
Thanks for the advice. I guess I'll mull over everything. I think I'm going to bring it up one last time to her and kind of explain where this is leaving me.
>>17183834
I don;t get it
>>17183834
Figure it out bud!
Would you want to do stuff if you had pain in your dick every time you fucked your gf? You keep saying you understand what she's going through, but i don't think you do. I think you're just saying that. If she gives you handies/blowjobs it will probably only be out of a sense of obligation and not really arousal. You say you want these things but without her enjoyment it will seem quite hollow and you both will probably get depressed about it.
That's the sad reality of the situation. There is no cure for endometriosis, there is only managing it, and though I wish her the best I wouldn't be surprised if your gf never touched a man again after you leave her.
>>17184182
And what do you suppose I do? It's already quite clear on your aspect of I'm in the wrong here.
>>17184202
It's not that I'm blaming you. The situation is just kind of hopeless. It'll be less painful if you just broke it off
It also means she will probably never be able to bear you children, so if that's an issue for you as well then you're just wasting your time.
>>17184004
Hysterectomy is the only thing that will alleviate the symptoms of endometriosis but it may not be confined just to the uterus - often the whole reproductive system is removed except the vagina and vulva.
Low libido and depression are common side effects.
It is hard for a guy to live with someone with endometriosis and not be affected by it, either by the difficulties conceiving or the low libido and other effects.
At 23 I think you need to look to your future and decide if you want to live with these difficulties because they will not go away and they won't improve. I would withdraw from the relationship but that's me.
BTW, one reason why your GF is reluctant to have any sex (oral, whatever) is because she's depressed over not being 'normal' and thus having trouble normalising this. It's not the act of sucking/jacking you off that troubles her, it's how she feels about herself in general - every time you cum she's being reminded of what you/her are missing out on. So it's a vicsious circle.
