I want my gf to break up with me. Mostly because she wants to get married and I'm not really ready for such a commitment but she's pretty dead set on it.
I agreed to do it, and the second I did it, she sent her parents pictures of us together (she's from china) and keeps wanting to march down to city hall to get married.
Obviously I didn't clearly think this through but now I need to get out of this. Its not that I don't love her, we've been dating for a little over a year, I just don't know if I'm ready to commit to someone for the rest of my life. In addition she's 26 and I'm 24 so she's really being pressured to get married from all sides. So I really need her to break it off with me.
I've tried asking her to wait longer but her visa is going to expire soon so there's that too.
What's the problem? Is she cute? Is she smart? Does she have a decent job? Is she responsible?
If you're getting cold feet because you just don't want to commit, grow up.
>>17183476
I hate to say this, but, she's my first girlfriend. I really don't know if this is going too fast or what.
>>17183440
Is there a serious flaw somewhere deep in your relationship? Is there some life goal that being attached will hinder completely? What have you been waiting to do, that you think this commitment will prevent you from accomplishing?
You need to seek, ask, and answer these sorts of questions before you go making a hasty decision. You need to sit down with yo girl if there is anything like this going on and get real. Don't take the cunt's way out by doing some fade-away shit, and contriving bullshit to get her to want to leave you, you won't be doing anyone any favors.
Maybe the real thing that makes you not consider committing is that you are even considering something like this in the first place, that would give me pause to doubt for sure.
You're right to feel this is a big decision, don't treat it lightly.
I'm sorry to say this, but you're really immature OP. Not because you don't want to get married (which is perfectly legitimate), but because you're not owning up to your own objectives AND expecting other people to make the problem go away.
>So I really need her to break it off with me.
No, you don't. You need to grow up and tell her that you don't really want to get married this early. Whatever she decides then is up to her.
>I've tried asking her to wait longer but her visa is going to expire soon so there's that too
I seriously hope you're considering how much of a weight that visa might be having in her hurry.
If it was me, I'd wait at least another year, and try to isolate possible conflicts of interest from the decision (aka visa)
>>17183508
Is that the deathstar?
>>17183506
You don't want her to be the last woman you ever fuck, just admit it.
My advice as a married person is to live with them for at least a year before marriage. You could suggest this and get an apartment together.
>>17183506
Look dude, I get you want more pussy. Its not worth it. If she's loyal, hardworking, hot and you don't hate being around her, she is literally a unicorn in the dating world. You aren't going to do better, be honest with yourself and the world.
>>17183508
I mean she wants me to move to NYC and give up my job, which I actually enjoy and I've been working for almost three years now.
I mean she's literally a 10/10 in my eyes, objectively though she's like a 6 but I love her for who she is.
She was actually super supportive of me when I was in grad school so there's that.
>>17183515
The problem is that she's going to get sent back to china in like two months and on top of that no one will sponsor her visa so she's kind stuck in this awkward place where she's super over qualified for any programming job BUT no one will hire her.
>>17183521
We've never actually fucked. It's been my call the entire time and she's asked a ton of times.
>>17183537
I've suggested that but she wants to live in NYC and my job can't possibly support that. I've told her why not some place in Jersey but she won't listen.
>>17183506
That's a reasonable fear, but you should discuss these things with her directly. Since she's Asian, she may be coming from a different cultural background on these matters. Their view on marriage isn't the same as ours.
She likes you enough to marry you. It may not be some long-winded romantic marriage, but in the end, who cares? You didn't answer the rest of my questions though. You didn't have any real complaints in the OP other than "I'm not sure if I want to do it yet since I'm young."
24 isn't young. People used to get married and have kids in their teens. My parents had me when they were 18, and their lives (and mine) turned out great.
You sound immature, but there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you're able to think clearly. Rather than running away from this, you should talk to her about what marriage means to you. See if you can come to an agreement, and then, frankly, stop being a pussy.
>>17183550
What the hell, she's been trying to bang you and you haven't even fucked her? There's something wrong with you dude. At least fuck her and if the sex is good, marry her.
>>17183550
Also, literally everything in this post screams YOU'RE AN IDIOT, MARRY HER.
>>17183550
>I mean she wants me to move to NYC and give up my job, which I actually enjoy and I've been working for almost three years now.
Why is moving to NYC a big deal to her? Where do you live now?
>I've suggested that but she wants to live in NYC and my job can't possibly support that. I've told her why not some place in Jersey but she won't listen.
That's a bit unreasonable. I'd say, if she's okay with settling in NJ, then consider marriage. But if she's not willing to compromise, don't do it. Living in NJ is a lot cheaper than living in NY and it's only a short train ride away. That's why so many people commute.
>>17183569
Not completely insane, depending on how Chinese-cultured she is, because of shit like Chinatown.
>>17183559
>you haven't even fucked her
That is correct. Mostly because I never wanted to accidentally have a kid. It's not like she isn't on the pill and I could buy condoms I just never wanted to in that kind of a situation.
>>17183556
My only real complaint is that she doesn't like my job, which is working in regulation.
Also, like your parents, my parents never got divorced and I really don't want something like that happening.
>>17183569
She just doesn't want to hear that. I've told that by living in Manhattan we're essentially getting raped when we could just live in NJ and pay a fuck load less and take a train in.
I live and work in northern NJ. She lives in NYC.
>>17183440
>>17183506
i feel you dog. was in a similar position till the shit hit the fan and this person cheated on me 4 times with a friend.. turned out for the better huh??
>>17183521
>>17183545
this an actual fear of mine. being with a person and feeling I can or there's something better out there is something I can't shake off
>>17183559
agreed.. what the actual fuck mate??
>>17183574
>Not completely insane, depending on how Chinese-cultured she is, because of shit like Chinatown.
I'd say it is. I used to live right next to a train station in NJ and a train ride to NYC was about 30 minutes away. Chinatown isn't that far.
>>17183577
>She just doesn't want to hear that. I've told that by living in Manhattan we're essentially getting raped when we could just live in NJ and pay a fuck load less and take a train in.
She'll have to learn to compromise somewhere. If she's already unwilling to compromise on that, I'd tell her that you're reconsidering marriage. Don't budge on something like that, especially when you need the money. The added stress of moving, the sudden marriage, and lack of funds (due to living in an area like NYC) is going to destroy the relationship.
no no OP what you need to do is kill her and yourself
murder suicide is the only option at this point
who knows! something bad might happen!
it's like fucking with a condom!
>>17183588
>there's something better out there
It's not even that. She's like one of the best things ever to happen to me it's just I never saw myself getting married so young. I'm just worried that I'm making the choice for right emotional reasons rather than thinking clearly.
>>17183599
I guess we'll have to discuss this further with her. I have no idea why she's so hell bent on living in Manhattan. I've told her that they'll charge you more in Manhattan for just about anything than anywhere else in the world. We could just live in Queens or something but she's not having that.
>>17183588
>this an actual fear of mine. being with a person and feeling I can or there's something better out there is something I can't shake off
That's why polyamory/open relationships is a real thing, my friend
>>17183613
24 isn't fucking young, you're just corrupted by this nonsense hookup culture we live in right now. Totally reasonable time to get married. Just put your foot down about not living in NYC because you don't want to be poor as fuck. There's something about Chinese people having a dream of living in Manhattan, in my experience. Tell her that when it's actually affordable, you can do that.
>>17183618
Fuck off with this degeneracy. If you can't control your base instincts enough to commit to one person, get the fuck out of my country.
On the other hand, OP, if she can ALREADY afford living in NYC, then there's no reason to insist on NJ. Just tell her that your living costs won't be evenly split, if she makes more than you.
>>17183628
She doesn't have a work permit. Her parents, somehow, foot the bill. I've never been too clear on this. Though she claims with her master's in comp sci she'll be pulling in 120k min. I don't know how true that is though. I pull roughly 80k. I just don't feel like getting raped living in NYC.
>>17183650
... You make plenty of money together. Stop being an idiot. Not everything in life is about spending as little money as possible. You could easily afford $2,000/mo or a bit more for an apartment. Now that you've told us how much you make and what her degree is, your insistence on living in NJ is just retarded. Sorry.
>>17183656
That's assuming she actually gets that job, and he's able to get one nearby that pays the same (or will he be forced to commute anyway?) It's smart of him to play it safe until he knows for sure that they can afford it.
Get married, live somewhere else for a year or two to save, then get a place where you both really want to live. This should be a reasonable compromise.
>>17183713
Non-white woman with a Master's in Computer Science? If she doesn't get a nice job nearly immediately, I'll eat my hat, my socks, my shoes, and a box of nails.
First off-
>I want my gf to break up with me
>I really need her to break it off
Don't be a pussy, if you really want to break up with her, YOU tell her so, don't try to get her to break up with you
Second-
>I just don't know if I'm ready to commit to someone for the rest of my life
Just tell her that and talk to her about it and see if there's any way to get her to wait awhile and see how things go
>>17183748
Except that waiting means she's going back to China. Visa's running out. This isn't an insane reason to get married since they've been together and he seems to like her a lot.
Don't break it off. You'll regret it and wonder what if for the rest of your life.
Lay out the numbers to her. Promise if living in NYC becomes feasible you'll consider it, but for right now there just isn't an option. Have an open and honest accounting of your shared finances and ask her how she proposes for the two of you to finance it. Take her to the places you can afford in each city first, make a date or two of it. Point out how much higher your quality of life will be in NJ.
As for sex with other women, from experience here, it's pretty much the same. The thrill is fucking someone new. Once that wears off, pussy is pussy, orgasms are pretty much the same. Remember how after you lost your virginity you were bewildered how much thought and effort you put into losing it? Sex is pretty much the same.
If you let her visa run out, she won't forgive you and you'll lose your chance. Don't let fear cost you that man.
>>17183440
she's 26, being pressured by her parents, immigration issues and, mostly important, nature. that factory will close soon.
if, by any chance, slightest as it may be, her actions someday created doubt in your heart and made you wonder if she really is with you for the reasons you want a woman to be, then dump her.
well op my advice is let her go to china and break with her by EMAIL. that's right, it seems you won't have the courage to do it personally since you can't even impose your wishes to a women that hails from a submissive background.
She asked you to marry and you don't want to, she wants you to leave a job you don't want to.
what the fuck, do you smoke weed? are you really that afraid you will never find a gf or slam sum pussy again?
>>17183818
This guy is a pussy. Never break up via mail, text or any of that shit.
Be a man and at least look her in the eye when you break her heart.
>>17183506
>I really don't know if this is going too fast or what.
You've been dating for "a little over a year."
Marriage shouldn't come up until at least a few more years.
>>17183624
Is 4chan tour country?
You know, choosing to acknowledge that most people got the inherent ability to be physically and emotionally drawn to more than one person at a time, and having the guts to me honest about it and choosing to act in it, does not in any way shape or form equal to not being in control of your base.
I will openly admit to any woman that tells me she's looking for something exclusive that I can't promise her anything other than to value the relationship I got with her on its own terms and merits. What happens outside of the relationship is not derivative of what goes on inside of it. That said, I have never had sex with someone else at a time when being in a long term relationship. I have made out with other girls while dating women, but only when I've been open with the woman I'm dating that this is something we both must be free to do. I don't own anyone and nobody owns me. If they can't handle that, then I don't date them. The only times I've fucked several women interchangeably, is when I've been seeing them casually.
People that aren't part of the story will suffer no more harm than anyone in love with someone who does not reciprocate.
Polyamory is not wrong. Dishonesty is.
