I am consistently compared to a coworker at work.
The situation feels very out of my control, but I don't know how to regulate it professionally.
I work a group of about 5 people, including a boss, closely on a daily basis.
The coworker I am compared to is very similar to me. We are similar in age, looks, our fashion sense, interests. It's creepy really. But she's been there about 4 years longer than me.
We're also the only women in our age group there. And we work with women about 10 years our senior. They seem to be very judgey and chatty.
Any time I wear something, coworkers will say, "Oh, I think *coworker I'm compared to* has that shirt? I guess you only bought it because she's wearing it." But like no, we are the same age, shop at the same places, etc.
So kind of passive aggressive shit like this all day. Even in my work performance, I am compared to coworker. And they say to do it like her, but if I do it like her, then they think I am mimicking her? I feel like I am in a constant lose-lose.
We don't even work in a competitive environment, no competitive pay.
My coworker has always been the apple of everyone's eye and it's tough to feel like I'm doing a good job (however my yearly evaluations are always excellent, this is more of a daily thing). And I feel like I have lost my identity in the workplace.
What can I do?
>>17181653
Be yourself and ignore those assholes.
>>17181653
Seriously, just ignore them.
Or start doing some cool off-beat stuff. Get a lizard or something. Take up a weird hobby.
Just do or be something that is so obviously out of character that this other bitch can't possibly do or be that same thing.
Or quit your job if it bothers you that much.
>>17181671
It just feels like on the long term, this is not particularly good for me. I am going to school to have the position my boss does. And in the field I am in, the longer I build seniority in one place, the more impressive my resume is. But if I stay in a place where my coworker will always biasedly be "picked first" over me, that's not good either...
Changing work places is an option, but my job is hard to get into. It's about who you know, and having the most solid background possible, a constantly switching person with my job title raises flags.. And I will lose my built up pay if I switch too. It's practically like starting over if I quit this job. I feel rather stuck here.
Whenever I attempt to start a new hobby and mention it, my similar coworker will say "Oh yea, I did that too... like in high school though." or even "OH I've been into that for years!" I feel so hopeless.
>>17181653
>LIKE NO WE ARE THE SAME AGE SHOPT AT THE SAME PLACES
this is the most vain and unnotable thing I have ever read.
i almost instinctively reported it cuz it seemed so irrelevant.
>>17181653
"Hey, guys. I am not Jim. I am Bill. This business of constantly comparing me to Jim is getting old. How about looking at me - Bill - and not seeing Jim for a while?"
>>17181653
I'm a guy, a fairly big one at that, and I work in an all male enviroment, so I don't know how useful this will be to you. I've dealt with similar things in the past, and my approach would be along the lines of "Right you two pair of cunts, come here now. What's your fucking problem?" [insert awkwardly long silence and unblinking eye contact here] "When I do x you say it's wrong, but if I do y you say that's wrong too [repeat again with a & b], so what's your fucking game then? What do you think you're playing at?" If you've got a problem with me you better say it out loud right fucking now." [more eye contact and silence on your part]. If done correctly the recipients of your speech should now be acting like schoolboys who've just been caught with their fingers in the cookie jar.
If you're dealing with women you'll probably have to tone down the language. Or, what's the etiquette with that? I try not to swear in front of women, and I certainly wouldn't swear at a women (irl), but can women swear at other women? I digress. You'll probably have to cut out the fucks, and if you work in an office enviroment you might need to dial down the aggression a bit, but the base principle is thae same. Passive aggressive people act that way because it's the only thing they're capable of - the fear direct confrontation the same way you oor I fear getting hit in the face with a 3' crowbar. If you take that direct confrontation to them and do it in such a way that they can't get out of it (if you have the minerals for it, confront them in front of an audience) I gaurentee they'll leave you alone from that point on. They'll still bitch about you behind your back, but in the real world a lot of people do that about a lot of other people anyway, and it's not really something to worry about.
