How violent can a relationship be before it's a problem?
Context: Two male roommates with a brief history of romantic association and several years of friendship/sharing living spaces.
The more physically dominant of the two hits the other frequently ("playfully" but also in coercive or reproachful ways), pushes him around, calls him a faggot, etc.
Not serious violence, but consistent low-level pain and occasional minor damage.
Is that an acceptably normal style of intramale interaction?
I think it depends on tone more than context. If it doesn't feel cool it's probably not cool. If the roommate being pushed around doesn't feel comfortable with it, it's not cool
Any action becomes a problem when it is non-consensual. People consent to different things. Two people in a bdsm relationship could hit each other heavily and it would be ok as long as it's consensual. Does this hitting looks non-consensual to you? Can you identify other signs of abuse?
>>17180862
Uh, it's me, so yes, I can say it's nonconsensual. I hit him back to "play along" a lot recently, and a couple of times have lashed out more seriously, but I weigh 115 pounds and he weighs 250+ and is much, much stronger than me. He's pretty deaf to complaints too, or telling him to stop. Kinda just does whatever he feels like, and often lately that's hitting me.
I don't know if it's really a problem though or if I'm just being a bitch. It's not like he's a bad person, he just has some issues.
>>17180914
don't just complain, sit him down and tell him it's fucking stressing you out to be shoved around in your own house. if he can't respect that shit you got to get the fuck out of there. you also have to stop playing along.
i was in a similar situation where my straight roommate would try to wrestle me at any time of the day, block me in the hallway, troll me by not getting off of me, jump scare me. and when we'd get into arguments about unrelated stuff he'd get irrationally angry and kick in my door (happened twice) or push me really hard.
he was also a really awesome guy but the only way I could get him to stop was by having that conversation with him and our friendship got icy after that because well shit was uncomfortable. i moved out, he doesn't do that shit in public, and we're still friends. i'll never live with him again though.
You're describing an abusive relationship, whether romantic or platonic, it's still an abusive relationship.
You could try sitting him down and talking to him about it, but most abusers use the cycle of abuse so even if it stops for a while, it's more than likely going to start again. It also gets worse every time the cycle is repeated.
Or you could move out and not have to deal with being a victim in an abusive relationship.
