How do I stop being every girl's journal?
>every night facetimed by like 5 different girls
>they talk to me about drama, boyfriend, etc
>I sit there like a fucking therapist
>hook one up with my friend
>hook another one up with my friend
How do I stop being every girl's guyfriend?
>inb4 homo
by not pretending you wanna be their friend
seriously
try tindr instead
>>17179425
When they're talking about something you don't care about, you ignore them. It's that simple.
>>17179425
You stop putting yourself in that position, obviously.
I don't mind hearing out a friend and letting them vent, but you're the epitome of a guy in the friend zone.
First thing, stop that FaceTime shit. Secondly, stop trying to be the nice guy. You can make people like you and respect you just the same without making yourself out to be a pushover
>>17179425
>How do I stop being every girl's guyfriend?
ASK HER OUT. Right up-front. It really is that simple.
Right now, you hide your interest so well and so long that they assume you have no interest. So they distance themselves as appropriate for the platonic friendship you're telling them you want, because in what way does it make sense to do anything else? You are literally bringing this upon yourself.
>>17179442
They know I like her, and she knows I like her.
We're really good friends, and it's basically a sense of the deepest pit of friend zoning.
>>17179438
I feel though, that if I do leave this position, that I will get cut of from all habbenings
>>17179432
I do care though
>>17179430
I have relations to keep anon
You're not their GUY friend.
You're being their GIRL friend.
A guy friend doesn't listen to all their bitchy drama problems. He doesn't have time for that. He may ask what the problem and suggest some solutions. That's the extent of it. He ignores the rest of the shit. If she wants to bitch, she has other friends for that. He's already got too much on his plate to worry about her shit too.
That's how girls know who's date-able or not: who has more time on their hands for their bullshit.
When you are less accessible, you are more valuable.
When you are more accessible, you are less valuable.
My advice, start being more and more unavailable. And start doing shit to improve yourself now that you have more time. Look into fitness, lose weight and/or gain muscle. Look into educating yourself more. Find something you don't hate doing you could consider a hobby, and don't give a fuck what other people think about it, as long as it isn't something shitty that fucks other people over. It's the people doing the hobby make it look shitty, not the hobby itself.
NEVER give with an expectation of receiving. If you want something from someone, don't use giving (time, money, resources) as a means of getting it. You can easily get something from someone for nothing if they see you as VALUABLE. Which is what you're doing with these girls, giving them something for nothing because you see THEM as valuable. Which tells them that you aren't as valuable.
>>17179461
>I have relations to keep anon
no you dont.
choosing to be just a friend is just emotional training-wheels. you don't feel ready to get laid so you only stick around girls who give you half a relationship. if you were actually annoyed at it you'd go and get your dick wet somewhere else.
.
>>17179469
This seems like the right passage.
Been trying that with the girl I like but I feel like it's just making her distance herself too.
I was ignoring her and shit and then she starts asking to my friends about if I'm mad at her.
She confronted me today after band and I made awkward conversation, but I think it's putting a strain on our relationship.
>>17179480
Solution: Be happy to see her.
The concept is the exact same as anything that's enjoyable in the slightest. The more you have something, the more numb you are to it.
The less frequent, the more important every experience is.
If your interactions are infrequent, but very satisfying for her, then she will always have a feeling of wanting more.
That's why things like ice cream, roller-coasters, and sex are enjoyed so much; they're infrequent, often brief, but amazing none the less.
>>17179461
>>17179480
Ok, here is what you do.
Ignore her completely. Stop going out with her, texting her, whatever. If she asks you what's going on tell her you realized you don't want to be her friend. Don't let her bug you for explanations or answers, if she keeps pestering you tell her to fuck off. There is no reason for you to stay friends with her, nothing good will come out of it, at least not for you.
From now on, when you meet a girl you're interested in make it clear. Ask her on a date as soon as you can. Don't go out with her and her girlfriends. Don't talk to her over text too much (preferably not at all), keep it face to face. Try to go out on "normal" dates with her, don't let her drag you shopping or some bullshit like that. Do these things and you will never be "friend zoned" again. You will be seen as either a potential partner or as an assholes. Both are better than being treated as one of their girl friends.
>>17179493
>how an alpha handles it
>>17179518
>how a beta handles it
>>17179493
>>17179526
Meanwhile, in the real world that girl doesn't have any romantic interest in OP and making her see him as a potential partner would be close to impossible, time consuming and not worth the effort, even if he would manage it.
Also absence doesn't create desire, it amplifies it. If she has no desire for him to begin with, limiting your interactions with her will do nothing.
>>17179493
how do this
like how do I apply this to girls?
>>17179555
>>17179555
Read
The 48 Laws of Power
and
The Art of Seduction
both by Robert Greene, this may as well be where that guy got the idea from, but it doesn't apply like that.
Basically limiting your interaction with someone keeps that person from seeing you as a commodity. The rarer something is, the more valuable it is, that includes someones company. But she won't magically develop romantic feelings for you if you limit your interactions with her. Maybe she will value you higher, but it will still be as a friend who she can bitch at, not as a possible partner. Rarity will only increase a desire that's already there, it won't create a new one.
>>17179574
We're REALLY GOOD friends.
I'm like the backup, incase shit hits the fan.
>>17179551
I have to reply to this post first
>in the real world that girl doesn't have any romantic interest in OP
It is the real world, and it's likely she doesnt, but we do not know for sure. But that also implies that "romantic feelings" are static and unchanging. That's far from the truth.
>making her see him as a potential partner would be close to impossible
False.
>time consuming and not worth the effort
What he is already doing is time consuming and fruitless. What i suggested is pulling away slowly but still keeping contact.
That takes far less time and far less effort.
>Also absence doesn't create desire, it amplifies it.
There's a reason there's that saying : you don't know what you have until you lose it.
Meaning you notice something that isnt around anymore or as much.
My suggestion is limiting it with reason, while increasing the experiences that are limited. Essentially concentrating the relationship in brief moments.
Your suggestion is cutting things off cold turkey and being an asshole to her, completely alienating her, in essence severing the connection they have completely. That gives her not only a reason but an excuse to sever things guilt free if that was her intention to begin with.
This tells me that in some way you haven't been with many females. Not a personal attack but i remember when i used to think this way, i was still very new to the whole "dating" thing.
>If she has no desire for him to begin with, limiting your interactions with her will do nothing.
>If she has no desire for him to begin with
>desire for him to begin with
>desire for him
>to begin with
Begin where? When they met for the first time? When she was born?
Again, implies feelings are static and unchanging.
"Beginnings" and "endings" occur at every moment.
>>17179555
Keep in mind my solution was directly an answer to the issue you posted here >>17179480
>I was ignoring her and shit and then she starts asking to my friends about if I'm mad at her.
>She confronted me today after band and I made awkward conversation, but I think it's putting a strain on our relationship.
so to answer
>how do this
>like how do I apply this to girls?
Imagine the situation flipped. You dont see someone often but when you do they are very happy to see you, hug you, focus on you, and give you a pleasant experience at the worst. Imagine a girl who loves you to pieces. As a guy we already inherently put women above us due to cultural and biological circumstance, so to receive this interaction from a girl is already rare, because we value them.
SO as you become rarer and more valuable by being less available, the interactions you have with her will matter more. Being friendly, welcoming, and making her feel good will keep her wanting more. But you must first be less available.
>>17179574
>Read
>The 48 Laws of Power
>and
>The Art of Seduction
>both by Robert Greene, this may as well be where that guy got the idea from, but it doesn't apply like that.
I actually haven't but now that i see that i will definitely read them.
Nothing wrong with learning more.
>>17179469
No, its a turnoff if she wants him too and he is always unavailable - it makes her think he's not interested. I have seen this tactic used over and over again. It doesn't work unless she finds out he really is interested
>>17179425
Get rejected.
It's just that simple.
You have to nut up and be straight. Fuck the games shit. Tell her you like her straight up, and you want to date.
First real rejection hurts like a bitch. It's supposed to. If you want to be the man you must go though that grind my friend. There are no shortcuts. You'll get laughed at, made a fool of, rejected time and time again until you start to learn.
also, it is possible to be a real friend to women, without trying to make it more with them all. You're complaining about being a friend when being a friend is what they think you are, so if you're not, then don't be a friend
>>17179618
>he is always unavailable - it makes her think he's not interested
That means that she wants him to be the one who's interested and goes out of his way to show it to her. Instant redflag that it will be a bad relationship. He is better off letting it go.
>>17179589
>>17179605
>False.
This is where we disagree. Once a girl stops seeing you as a potential partner the chances of you getting that possibility back are very slim. It would require a complete shift of your status, personality and/or attitude towards her. And it most definitely can't happen over night.
>What i suggested is pulling away slowly but still keeping contact.
Fair enough, but consider OPs feelings. If he still keeps contact it would be harder for him to get over her and this would affect the way he's interacting with other girls and the way he feels about them.
>>17179631
>It would require a complete shift of your status, personality and/or attitude towards her.
Everything i suggested he do.
>And it most definitely can't happen over night.
nothing does, however you said it was Impossible.
>If he still keeps contact it would be harder for him to get over her
He's already IN the friendzone. She's as good as lost to him right now. Pulling away and keeping the interaction sparse while filling that void with important activities like self improvement is what he needs to do.
>this would affect the way he's interacting with other girls and the way he feels about them
My advice is universal. He treats the other girls he interacts with the same, limited interaction that's amazing for them. He may even pull a girl better than his Besty who friend-zoned him.
I'm not giving OP a fish, im teaching him how to fish.
>>17179643
I said it's close to impossible. It can happen, sure, but I mainly see it as the exception that confirms the rule.
>He's already IN the friendzone. She's as good as lost to him right now.
Aren't you kind of saying what I was saying in the last post? The one you claimed was false?
And my point was that he should completely break off with her to save himself the time and emotional investment.
>He may even pull a girl better than his Besty who friend-zoned him.
That's what I was suggesting to being with. Aren't we just having the same opinion? What are we arguing about?
>>17179676
>Aren't you kind of saying what I was saying in the last post?
I wasnt saying that she is lost to him, im saying that's how he has to see it to not be "hard for him to get over".
It's a psychological tool. And one of the hardest parts of the transition.
>Aren't we just having the same opinion? What are we arguing about?
Breadcrumbs
OP wants to stop being the "guy friend" in the Zone
I point out he's not a "guy friend" but a "girl friend"
I tell him how to be an actual "guy friend" which includes more limited, but positive, interactions
I tell op to pull back, keep contact, and fill his time with self improvement
op says:
>I was ignoring her and shit and then she starts asking to my friends about if I'm mad at her.
>She confronted me today after band and I made awkward conversation, but I think it's putting a strain on our relationship.
OP admits that she's worried/upset by his Cold-turkey cut off, something you suggested him to do.
I gave him the solution to her unhappy confrontation: Diffuse the situation by being happy to see her, this could include apologies for being unavailable
I suggested using honey, you suggested vinegar
both have uses, one just has a higher success rate
plus, you dont want a woman who thrives off being treated baddly.
>>17179708
I never suggested treating anyone badly, especially not his potential future partner. Just that he should give up on his current crush and break ties with her, for his own sake. I don't consider that as treating someone badly. If anything, she's treating him badly for keeping him as a "girl friend" when she knows he likes her.
>>17179729
>I never suggested treating anyone badly
>Just that he should give up on his current crush and break ties with her, for his own sake
>I don't consider that as treating someone badly
see >>17179518
>Ignore her completely. Stop going out with her, texting her, whatever.
>If she asks you what's going on tell her you realized you don't want to be her friend.
>Don't let her bug you for explanations or answers, if she keeps pestering you tell her to fuck off.
>There is no reason for you to stay friends with her, nothing good will come out of it, at least not for you.
Stop talking to her, stop being her friend, tell her to fuck off if she wants to know whats wrong.
All for not liking you back when you like her. If that's not treating someone like shit then idk what is.
>she's treating him badly for keeping him as a "girl friend" when she knows he likes her
She has ZERO obligation to do anything because he likes her. And the only keeping anyone as a girlfriend is him, he said so himself.
The fact that she's his crush isn't her fault in any way.
She shouldn't have to change or be abused because OP refuses to be something that she values and wants.
That's tumblrette level thinking.
Listen intently to her problems. stand up...smack her in the head with your cock. tell her "it was time"...then walk away....Nothing to lose.....there's a MAJOR difference between being a FRIEND.....a sometime shoulder to cry on.....and "one of the girls"....don't be an emotional tampon for these ladies. Be a "buddy"...the friendship can come after she takes you out of the "one of the girls" category. But have patience....and get out and put some distance in there...absence ....and aloofness.....goes a long way....sad but sorry truth....trust me.....My generation got scarred by all those fucking John Hughes movies. Good Luck......break a penis
>>17179478
So this is why my life sucks. Thanks Anon.
>>17179425
Turn off your phone? Stop answering the texts? Sign out of Facebook?
It's called me time. If they don't respect it, they're not good friends.
>>17179425
Stop getting friendzoned, that simple.
When you ask for their number, have the intention of taking them on a date and SAY IT'S A DATE. Also, ask the ones that have already put you in the friendzone if they have any single friends. This will turn on that competitive anxiety for them and they'll see you a bit differently.
Also, stop facetiming them. Men shouldn't have "female friends". There's nothing they are actually interested in that we have interest in, and if you want someone to talk to, another man will understand more than a woman will. I don't have any female friends anon, either I'm fucking them or we have nothing to talk about.
>>17179425
quit treating women like friends and start treating them like possible sexual partners
you will lose friends but that is perfectly ok. personally though i think you had to be a special kind of guy to get in to your position in the first place i would never allow myself to expend so much energy on multiple women without getting anything out of it.
>>17180930
>Stop getting friendzoned
Kek, like its so simple. Nighas like u is why we cant have nice things
>>17180936
it is simple. quit being so friendly. don't put up with their shit. make it clear that you aren't "just a friend" if they arent having it then forget about her because she's just a waste of time.
if you get friend zoned it is 100% your fault for sticking around afterwards and falling in to that trap aka that guy who listens to all the meaningless details of her life because this is the closest he will get to interacting with a woman he's attracted to.
>>17180945
>if you get friend zoned it is 100% your fault for sticking around
Breh, listen to yourself. Do you even logic? Its completely natural to be friendly. It takes an outside source to explain to a person what "friend-zoning" even is. We arent born with the inherant understanding of social-cultural dynamics. We learn it. So no, nigga, it aint simple until you understand it.
You and i may get it because we learned that shit, not cause we were born knowing it from the get go.
Its only "simple" after you you get introduced to it, comprehend it, and see it in practice.
If it were so "simple" everyone would know it.
>>17180950
>Its completely natural to be friendly
no it is not, that is also 100% learned.
to me it is simple. i realized a long time ago that being friends with a woman who i was attracted to who did not reciprocate was just painful and draining so i quit being friends with women altogether. i have to say life is a lot better when you only have one woman in your life.
>>17179425
Are you literally autistic?
Just tell them what you told us - that you are sick of being a babysitter and free therapist.Tell them if they have a problem with their boyfriends they can either suck it up or break up and that's none of your problem - unless they want you to be that boyfriend. THEN you can help them.
Maybe it will be hard for you, but think about it - is there anything about those girls you can't afford to lose? You are being used without getting to fuck any of them.
>>17180961
>to me it is simple
>it is simple
>to me
When the fuck did you decide that just because your comprehend sometying for some reason that everyone else does too?
Do you know anything about learning process?
>>17179762
Yes, not being someones friend is not treating her like shit. He doesn't have to be her friend or provide any explanation for that just as she doesn't have to be his girlfriend.
>>17180966
i just cant imagine someone not being able to figure out how to stop being friends with people he doesn't want to be friends with, not to mention the fact that i and several others just explained exactly how and why.
you just do it. quit being a pussy and do it. easy
>>17180950
It is fucking simple. You don't want to be someones friend? Stop talking to them, stop hanging out with them stop acknowledging their existence.
It's not that you don't know how to stop being friends with someone, it's that you don't want to, cus you're too scared of completely loosing that person and you would rather be their bitch.
>>17180971
No. Not easy.
And you just said it yourself: you cant imagine not being able to figure it out. Which means you arent capable of seeing it from his perapective. He doesnt comprehend what you comprehend and you dont comprehend what he does. Thus you arent the right sort of person to give him any advice on anything.
You litterally have nothing to say except "i did it, so can you", good for you, move along.
>>17180986
you're talking in circles. grow a spine, man up, whatever you want to call it. it's easy for me, i understand it's harder for others.
cut the bullshit, you know exactly what needs to be done you're just waiting for some other faggot to come in here with some easier way to do things that doesn't exist. I remember when i was a teenager and i was the exact same way. all it takes is reaching a boiling point where enough is enough and you finally make a move
>>17180983
this guy said it well
>It's not that you don't know how to stop being friends with someone, it's that you don't want to, cus you're too scared of completely loosing that person and you would rather be their bitch.
You literally don't even have to do anything to stop being friends with someone. Literally just don't communicate with them. What is this current year bullshit again
>>17180995
What to do =! How to do it
Constantly regurgitating what needs to be done with out going into detail how to is how you set people up for failure.
"Just do it!" Only works if you already know what to do.
>>17181008
see
>>17180996
>Literally just don't communicate with them. What is this current year bullshit again
>>17181008
Dude you've been told what to do and how to do it. Over and over. What's so hard to understand or apply in "STOP TALKING TO THEM"?
>>17181008
You have been told what to do and how to do it several times. You are just pretending to be retarded
>>17181014
>>17181015
>>17181023
Who the fuck do you even think you are talking to?
>>17179619
Fuck it's harsh though. Pretty girls living in a world disconnected from what it is like for the rest of the population. Even the studs get rejected a lot. They just power on through, an amazing feat of mental stamina.
>>17180961
I like this guy. It is true, meaningless formalities serve no purpose outside of securing pro-creation.
>>17180950
Anon if you are talking to 5 girls and genuinely find yourself interested in what they have to say, I'm sorry but you might actually be homosexual.
>>17179425
>has tons of female friends
>doesn't make use of it
Just ask each one to hook you up with one of their friends. If they don't help you, distance yourself because this is not an equal friendship.
>>17179425
listen for five minutes and then say you gotta go
then go do your own thing
