Went on a date with a girl and it went really well, like I can't remember when someone last made me feel this way (backstory is bad breakup in 2014 that left me feeling emotionally empty for a long time). We text the next day and talk about the future plans we made during the date, and she asks if we can go as just friends. And my stupid reply is "could I ask what your reasoning is?"
I feel like we were both pretty into each other, but looking at it now I probably got too gung-ho and made too many assumptions. I'm trying to evaluate how much I fucked up, and how recoverable the situation is. I told her this morning that I understand these things take time, and that we can go as friends if she wants to. But I worry I made bad assumptions again. I haven't heard from her since Sunday, that's not really unusual (she can have 2-3 day lapses in conversation) but now I'm worried that I screwed it up anyway.
I guess the only thing to do is wait and see how she responds and go from there? Should I ask her next time I see her how she feels about me, or is that too direct?
Where did you meet her?
Perhaps she didn't feel the spark as much as you did, as disappointing as that is. Depending on how you met, she may not be looking for a friendship, which is why she has gone cold.
I think your best bet at the moment is probably to distance yourself and focus on perhaps meeting other people. You need to be sure that you're asking for a friendship for the right reasons, not just in an attempt to get closer to her or change her mind.
I hope it works out anon. Unrequited love (or crush) is never pleasant.
>>17177496
We met online, talked for a month and shared pics before we met in person. I suppose it's possible that she just wasn't into me after meeting IRL. It's hard to believe though with how we clicked, though maybe I had a rosy picture of things. Either way it's a bummer if it doesn't work out, I haven't felt this way for a while so i'd be supremely bummed for it to not work out.
Don't ask what her reasons are or how she feels about you.
A lot of women start to lose interest when the guy doesn't show her any signs of physical attraction, like touching and prolonged eye contact, brushing up against them, hugging, kissing etc. Body language in general is a huge part of building attraction.
But if she still wants to see you, the 'going as friends' thing might be her subconscious way of just resetting. You can always start over, but don't be needy about you rapport. Just act natural and pleasant and build attraction from there.
>>17177627
We were pretty far from not showing physical attraction, so I don't think that's an issue. Maybe she's just not ready? Or wants to take her time? I'm hoping she just talks to me again, I feel like I'm running in circles because I don't know yet how she feels.
>>17177697
>We were pretty far from not showing physical attraction
Don't know what you mean by this, but if you were building attraction by being physical, and didn't end up kissing her at the end - then that's exactly what I'm talking about.
>building attraction
>doesn't lean in
>she starts to doubt
Right now you're walking around worrying that she might not like you, without realising she's probably doing the exact same thing, only difference is she is actually doing something to express it. Going as friends is a defence against getting hurt, by not investing too much hope into it.
You can still show her that you are in fact very interested.
Save her from herself, senpai
>>17177720
Oh sorry. I meant we did hold hands, kiss goodnight, all that good stuff.
I guess it just caught me off-guard, the friends thing. I thought we were hitting it off really well.
>>17177740
I don't kniw if this sounds weird, but how are you not dating, or how is it unclear if you've held hands and kissed?
Because if this doesn't clearly show you're into her, I fucked up a lot worse last weekend and I'm not even aware.
>>17177751
That's what I'm saying. When I asked her reasons in that probable blunder text, I was thinking like she wanted to bring someone else and didn't want them to feel like a third wheel. Only today did I think maybe she didn't want to date.
The funny thing is that I've probably exacerbated the situation with all my worrying and with my messages to her. I should really just wait for her to get back to me and try harder not to go crazy waiting for that.
>>17177789
If there's one thing I have to learn over and over again, it's that when it comes to dating we get really inpatient really fast. Compare the time it takes from going on first date to dating steady and fucking regularly, with the time it takes to work out and gain. You'll need at least ten weeks before you can expect to gain enough that it's noticable, but in the dating world we expect people to fall head over heels within the first couple of weeks.
If first date goes well, but something prohibits the second date to be amazingly better, that doesn't meant date number 5, 6, 7, etc. won't be the most important time of our life.
Don't be needy.
Don't rush.
Be outcome-independent, while still working towards your goals in accordance with your ever-changing will.
She might dump you, friendzone you, walk all over you - but even then you can still win her back, in my experience - so going as friends in the second date isn't a disaster just yet.
I would go just out if curiosity, even if my hopes had already run out. Just dont show up with a lot of concerns and questions. Like I said, just be pleasant and fun. Women need good men, and it's not difficult to be one.
...but it's easy to forget, and show up all nervous and worried, and it will influence the development between the two of you, so don't do that. Relax. Enjoy. Be content no matter what happens, at least this serves as a stepping stone. Count your gains.
As a girl, it never takes us 2-3 days to write a guy if we like him. We would be constantly on the phone waiting for his message. I doubt she likes you as much as you like her. Probably got second thoughts during and after that first date. If a girl tells you to go out as only friends, then it's over. You have no chance at all at getting with her. Trust me. Move on.
>>17177891
We should get together sometime. I won't hold it against you.
