My S/O is convinced i'm the "most attractive" partner she's ever had, but is "disappointed" because she's met a few of my ex partners, and feels like she's less attractive than them.
How do I explain to her that even though that's objectively true, I'm still physically attracted to her, and if I didn't see qualities in her that I didn't see in other people – rationality, trustworthiness, reliability, honesty, and potential for a real future together – that I wouldn't choose her over other people? Am I in the wrong because I think some of my exes are more attractive than her?
If you tell her this, it will only girl her anxiety. Tell her that to you she is the most beautiful in addition to telling her all the positive qualities you listed. Also you can make a connection like seeing her smile is nicer than looking at others always bitching face.
Yes, you're in the wrong. If you're with her, no matter what, she should be the most attractive because you are with her.
>>17177444
You're not in the wrong for thinking that some of your exes are more attractive than her, objectively, but you should think that in your eyes she's the best partner you could ever get, and you should make her feel like that. List all those qualities. Tell her she's better than them when it comes to her personality and intelligence. Tell her she's beautiful, often. Make her feel appreciated.
Don't lie, but never (NEVER) make her feel like she's worse than them.
My ex always told me I was the best partner for him because of my personality, but I wasn't the most attractive girl he ever dated.
After we broke I realized that he used this to manipulate me. He made me feel vulnerable and attached to him: I felt like he was doing me a favour by staying with me, because he could do better while he was the best guy I was ever going to get, so I justified his shortcomings.
Everyone in here is obviously a beta cuck who had never been in a proper relationship. OP did nothing wrong.
>>17177454
This is so stupid lmao
>>17177444
>see qualities in her that I didn't see in other people – rationality, trustworthiness, reliability, honesty, and potential for a real future together
Just say this part and forget about everything else. Don't ever compare her negatively to your exes. Preferably avoid talking about your exes at all.
>Am I in the wrong because I think some of my exes are more attractive than her?
You're not wrong, but you better not fucking tell her that.
If you can bring yourself to lie, tell her she's the most beautiful too.
If not, don't say anything at all, just compliment her in other ways.
See a pattern here? Compliment as much as possible, and take care to avoid anything that may make her feel inadequate. Any less-than-superlative comparison on your part will stoke her insecurities. Only do it on aspects where she really is by far the best.
>>17177462
>After we broke I realized that he used this to manipulate me.
Are you sure?
As in, are you sure he said it to manipulate you and not just because he's as emotionally clueless as OP? I feel bad for insensitive guys because i've seen them get a lot more shit than they deserve, they might not be very kind and gentle people but that doesn't mean they're doing it for nefarious purposes, it's just their personality.
>>17177539
He manipulated me for sure, but he didn't do it on purpose. He did it to keep me around.
He was extremely insecure about some sides of his personality (he is very anxious, terrified of failure, held himself to standards he couldn't reach, scared of intimacy, huge trust issues) and he used this kind of bullshit to be the "leader" of our relationship, even if I was the one giving him emotional stability and, when we broke up, he was the most devastated one.
>>17177444
Yeah don't tell her your exes are more attractive than her, that would destroy her.
