Hey /adv/,
Not a hugely serious issue here. But definitely would like some advice or pointers. Here's my situation:
I'm an averagely antisocial person. I'm alright with public speaking or casual conversation, but I struggle immensely with thinking up conversation topics. This is where I need help.
I'm also really lonely. I've had many long (3.5years+) relationships, but never really had to branch very far to search for somebody. I'm very inexperienced with flirting and getting phone numbers in general, and there's this girl on facebook who I think is cute, and we met a long time ago, but I'm not sure where. Not even sure if she remembers me.
Could I have some pointers on how to message a girl I barely even know on facebook, and get her number/ask her to hang out?
Additional info: She may be SLIGHTLY out of my range, but not by much. So I definitely have to give it an honest effort to go anywhere with her.
If she's an 8.5, Im an 8 type of thing
>>17175406
>so i definitely have to give it an honest effort to go anywhere
this is where most anons are very sadly mistaken.
im not saying effort is bad or anything but what kind of effort can you exert that will make a woman say 'WOW I WANNA DATE THIS GUY' ?
think about it. you rarely have that reaction to a woman. its pretty much on sight they are attractive. if they are attractive, you might lose that with their personality.
the thing about girls is they have to have a spark to be interested in you. if that spark doesnt exist all the effort in the world wont help.
that being said, go for it. just please dont think of girls as a safe to crack. there isn't some exact fine tuning that you would do to prove you are the perfect man. they are not magical vagina monsters. they are not judges of whether you are WORTHY of dating.
all they can simply say is whether or not they feel any particular inclinination toward you.
with that in midn try the following
>hey how have you been? we havent seen each other in forever!
she will respond (hopefully) and ask how you've been. if she says anything other than 'good hbu' then you are in luck. simply ask about those topics she brings up. it might be 'oh ive been doing X at wokr or Y for fun' etc.
if she doesn't, she will generally at least ask how you are. so you say 'im doing great. just finished ZZ in school, planning to do YY this summer, really looking forward to XX.'
then try to use those to ask her more specifics about what shes been up to.
before the conversation gets too far, you should cut it off.
>'that sounds pretty great. I have to go, but we should seriously catch up, its been forever. drop me a text? (insert number'
>>17175417
Makes perfect sense. I'll try to limit it to just like ten messages back and forth I suppose.
How to I bring up another conversation with texting her (supposing I get that far), and how long should I wait?
>>17175445
assumign she texts you, simply wait a couple hours or until evening. then text her back with general wahtsup'ness. be short simple. succinct, and if you can: flirty.
dont spend too much time texting. thats how girls lose interest. simply ask her to meet in real life with an activity you both like or a meal or what have you
>>17175490
>dont spend too much time texting. thats how girls lose interest
Really? Just as a human being, I have such a hard time believing this
>>17175498
it happens. if you do that, then a girl gets everything she needs from you via text. unless she already has a deep interest in you, you quickly become someone who validates her over the phone and keeps her busy when bored. keep yourself a bit of a mystery and she will be more inclined to meet you in person. otherwise its just 'OH IM BUSY THAT DAY' and keep on texting. its a cycle a lot of people fall in to.
so dont. general rule of thumb is that texting (after the initial getting to know you portion of meeting someone online) should only be used to schedule a specific date, or to remind them of said date.
once you are officially dating do whatever you want.
>>17175503
if texting is just used to get to know the person briefly, how the hell am I supposed to get to the point where I ask to hang out or go to dinner or something? Without her knowing a damn personal thing about me
>>17175529
again, there is that initial 'getting to know each other' conversation. but you guys have met in person. maybe i was mistaken but the impression you gave was that you actually did talk and not just cyber stalk her.
its pretty easy to ask her out, id avoid dinner though. its a bit too formal (i know, weird) instead ask for lunch or just a drink. dinner is where you take her on the second date to show you're into her.
>without her knowing a damn personal thing about me
she shoudl know you a bit from having actually met you. that initial conversation helped play catch up. and again, initial texting sure. but dont make it a long winded thing. dont get stuck being a texting buddy.
the thing is women already know if they want to date you. very little you say will make her go 'OH WOW HES DIFFERENT THAN THE OTHER THIRTY GUYS, NOOOOOW ILL GIVE HIM A CHANCE BUT I WOULDNT HAVE AN HOUR AGO'
think about it. you know very little about her and already are freaking out this much about trying to get a date with her. girls are the same way except they are approached.
assuming you actually talked in real life, she already knows all she needs to know before agreeing to 'hang out'.
>>17175552
We HAVE met in real life. But it was like five years ago. I don't remember it, I THINK it was at her school through xc, but I could be wrong.
I'm lucky if she even remembers THAT much. So put that in perspective. I hope what you're saying still applies. But for the most part, assume we've never met and go with that.
>>17175557
like i said, initial getting to know you conversation. after that, you're a busy guy with a life.
you check in at night generally with a 'hey hows it going?' if she hasnt texted you first. she responds asking what you're up to. you respond stating something interested you did that day. then you 'gotta go, time for XX or YY'
you can spend a little more time in the initial conversation but you dont want to just become a texting buddy.
this is all assuming she has any remote interest in you.
>>17175571
We shall see.
Believe me, I shouldn't be as desparate as I am. But to be honest, I've already got a couple other girls picked out to message, if this one goes off the rails.
Part of me feels pathetic, the other part of me is just accepting that I'm ready for the next stage of my life and want to make an effort at it finally.
>>17175581
you shouldnt really feel pathetic man.
>>17175589
Just lonely. I've got a nice engineering job and am pretty successful for my age (22) but just dont hang out with anyone. Got plenty of good friends, I just hate doing things.
>>17175601
>hate doing things
maybe fix that
>just lonely
the bobcat teaches us to be alone without being lonely.
