Anyway cocaine actually fucking sucks anyway but something about the rush of snorting it and the ego boost just makes it very addicting. I stopped using it for, now that I think about it, only about 3 months but it seems a lot longer.

Still I continued to smoke pot all the time and if I remember correctly I managed to cop a script of valium right about the time I stopped but I ate those like candy. But hey, I stopped doing coke!

Eventually I got cut off from that script cause shitty docs doing their jobs and whatnot, and at that point I figured, what the hell, I'll stop smoking weed as well. Sober life ftw or something.

I slipped up on the whole weed thing a few times but I cut back a ton and was saving a lot more money anyway so I wasn't too upset with myself.

I kept telling myself, as long as I keep my nose clean, I'm doing a fine enough job.

I actually managed to stay completely sober beside a few beers one or 2 nights for the past month.

I just couldn't take it though. I stopped hanging out with all my (very few) friends in order to avoid any exposure to temptation. I even started meditating, not quite successfully as I never managed past a 30 minute session and most were 10-15 minutes. At least I was doing that daily for a few weeks, but now that I think about it I gradually started doing it less and I haven't mediated in almost a week I think.

My problem is that smoking weed had become my main hobby for the last few years, to the point I was literally just an unproductive worthless stoner. I have no other interests beside doing drugs. I need something desperately to fill the abundance of free time I've got. I need something to avoid the dreadful memories that plague my mind. I need something to kill this overactive brain. I now realize drugs are only a temporary fix, because once dependency kicks in it gets way too damn expensive to maintain a habit and withdrawal only makes it all worse.

The problem is even knowing doing drugs are extremely counter productive to a healthy mind, I can't find anything else to fill the void in my life, or I'm too anxious and self conscious to do the things I know I need to do to to make a better life for myself.

I'm trying to quit playing video games because they usually only frustrate me. Imo video game addiction can be more detrimental to ones health-body and mind- as drug addiction depending on the degree of each.

I started walking/jogging at least a mile every day. Just to get out of the house at least.

I started casually lifting weighs but I'm too self conscious to actually go to a gym so I can't follow a real program I just kind of improvise off one I found with the barbell set I've got.

I want to go back to school to a community college in the fall but I'm afraid to even meet with a counselor to find out what classes to take.

I've been eating healthier, but I've noticed cutting sugar out of my diet is harder than quitting any drug I've ever done and it depresses me when I realize the extent of this nation's addiction to unhealthy food and entertainment. It really makes me wonder if the evil that controls this world can really be overcome. They really got us by the balls. I'm too empathetic too I suppose, that 'kids are starving in Africa' shilling really got to me. I have a really hard time enjoying my life with suffering clearly apparent all around me.

Only way i know how to stay off drugs is being stingy with my money. If i don't buy drugs, i can't do drugs.

>>17173258
Look at these walls of texts holy shit are you speeding balls. Fucking drink some water and relax before you have a heart attack. Don't even bother on here if you're fucked ip right now you have a false sense of well being and it'll all go over your head

The way I quit was thinking small really small like I wouldn't bother to be like okay I'll quit for a year no man id think of it in the day and reflect at night like I would think and thank myself "well at least I stayed sober today" and continue thinking like that everyday at night right before I nod off asleep because the first few months were really tough and the people I surrounded myself with were equally as crap which lead me to changing my environment for the better and slowly those people fucked off and stayed stagnant well what I'm getting at is I never had a goal or deadline to meet for quitting I just respected my self and thanked myself every night that I stayed sober for that day while I put all my attention to things like working out excessively and maintaining a diet while being a sexual deviant and just generally overall bettering myself because it's better then what I once was which is good to reflect on at some nights

>>17173324
>>17173265

You are a clear example that the problem is clearly not drugsm but rather the lack of purpose.

I dont have any answer, I think you are on the good track but you can't rush it, and it will probably take a few years to reach your goal.
Maybe finding on thing you like and stick to is the way should be the priority, it makes all the rest a lot more bearable.
I guess some ppl will will advise you to enlist, can be good.

Anyway, from my post in the OP you can see, in the famous words of Ms Spears, oops I did it again.

The addict in me, which I accept as something that is and will likely always be a part of me, got the best of me. But I also know it is something that can be overpowered, or succumbed to. And I pray for the willpower to overcome it.

I tell ya /adv/, once you go through hell on earth, it really convinces you to put your faith somewhere, if only to find peace in your life. Forget an afterlife, if death is the final end to existence, that would be a pretty sweet deal. However its been made pretty clear to me at least that death is not the end, there will be consequences to pay for your sins. If not in life, they will catch up eventually. The thing about the truth is, it's true whether you believe in it or not. I know I said I wouldn't preach, but by God guys, do good and you will be rewarded. It's simple cause and effect.