Is it wrong to push people out of your life because you don't want to become more like them?
I always feel like I'm being terribly judgemental when I do this. I worry deeply a lot that other people are going to do the same thing to me and it eats me up inside.
i've been debating this myself
one of my very good friends basically has made no effort to make his life better whatsoever and keeps fucking up. he now has pretty much no one except me. he feels sorry for himself more than anything and won't just pick himself up by the bootstraps. i'm realizing more and more that he only cares about himself.
i've been debating for awhile whether to drop him. i think i am going to. because being around him drags me down. i don't have time for that shit. i'm in college and trying to work hard and make my own life better. meanwhile all he wants to do is get high/drunk and wallow in his own self hatred.
ain't got time for that shit, m8. i don't think you do either.
Surround yourself with people you like, and who like you, get rid of everyone else, and don't feel guilty about it. If you are incapable of doing this, figure out why and fix it.
>>17170325
>>17170327
I think I'm actually on the opposite end. Wallowing in self loathing, like your friend. Thinking bad thoughts about others is just how I express it.
At work there are tons of people that I absolutely refuse to deal with because of thoughts I have about them. Most are petty, irrational and terribly maladaptive but I cling to them as some sort of "defense" against outside stress. My substance use makes it harder for me to actively manipulate the way I handle things.
>>17170325
Tell him to get some help. Sounds like depression.
No support network leads to self destructive behaviour.
>>17170350
ah ok i see. that doesn't sound too constructive OP. not that it makes you a bad person, since it doesn't sound like you act out on people or anything.
i'm not quite sure what to tell you, but since this is obviously bothering you, maybe a way to help would be to check/balance your bad thoughts with a good thought.
for example, you could be like: "wow i fucking hate that horrible bitch" or whatever, but then "but she does her job well"
or something like that.
i have huge self esteem problems, and this is how i've started trying to handle myself. it sounds stupid and might be fruitless, but it's worth a shot. i dunno.
Nope. I've had to do it before and my life is much better because of it. Don't stick around for people out of nothing more than obligation if they're toxic or trying to bring you down. Yes, you are being judgmental, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It ensures you're taking care of your own well-being.
I had a friend who was super crazy negative and I couldn't take it anymore. She didn't respect me as a person - I was just her sounding board. Objectively, she had a great life, but it wasn't what she wanted/expected it to be, so she did nothing but bitch about how miserable she was and did nothing to change it despite having the means to do so. So I cut her off.
If someone does that to you, so what? People have different levels of what they can tolerate. If you think there's something wrong with you, decide if you feel like you need to fix it. Maybe they just want to associate with a different crowd. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you; it's just who they are. My dad's brother has pretty much cut him off because he sees us as "below him" because he makes way more money than we do. Does that mean there's something wrong with us? In our eyes, not at all.
>>17170360
i've told him time and time again to get help. i've even called crisis services on him before. but he won't help himself. he won't even try.
he's also extremely hot-headed, arrogant, and sometimes verbally abusive.
i've supported him emotionally for three years, and financially sometimes for three years too. but he's a moocher. and i don't think he even cares about me at all.
>>17170361
I think that's a really good idea. It will help stop my brain from being ruled by negativity.
No. Not at all.
Next question.
It's called 'growing up.'
I returned to my town of birth this past winter for a visit, and saw many old friends. While I was there at a house party filled with 40-something people, out comes the coke, some weed and shit like that.
I've got kids, I'm married, house and mortgage, live 1,500 miles away from them, and for some reason, and don't go out of the house without a collared shirt. I'm captain of an oil tanker, and I like good whisky and am willing to pay for it when I'm not at work.
Aside from the fact that just being near that shit is a threat to my career, I have no interest in the inane conversation and shit that will follow. I love my friends, always will, but people grow and change.
As said
>>17170327, and perfectly:
>Surround yourself with people you like, and who like you, get rid of everyone else, and don't feel guilty about it. If you are incapable of doing this, figure out why and fix i
i found the tumblards in their unatural habitat on 4chan
>>17170318
Let me tell you something. I did the same when a friend of mine has starting to throw away his life and prettymuch dragged me down. At this point in life I was already doing pretty bad and the amout of weed we were smoking was really making my psychological state even worse. I decided to cut contact with him all of a sudden and he quit school. I started to resent him for trying to drag me down and some of my other friends. I lost alot but I know I made the right decision.
tldr; OP you have to see life as a singleplayer game, everyone else are NPC's. Chose your friends wisely because they will shape your life.
