i wanted to ask this anonymously.
i'm a veteran, although i was never in direct contact with combat, my job was in intelligence, so very often i would be performing various investigative tasks and analysis. i did get randomly shot at and mortared, and i've seen the aftermath of combat in all kinds of actions.
it never really bothered me and i retired from service years ago. for the past month or two however i've been waking up crying or screaming nearly - startled awake with incredible fear for something not there. i live alone. it never affects me during the day, and i'm not really conscious of what it is exactly that i half-remember from when i was asleep if it was a dream or something.
i've been debating if it's PTSD, but i'm not sure, and my current job and recreation are highly scrutinized so any allegations of PTSD would seriously impact them. i'll tell you right now that i'd lose my job, and would likely lose a half-million in property. might even be jailed depending on circumstances.
what can i do? getting a fitful night's sleep of a handful of hours only to awaken in a sweat with a pounding pulse and in complete fear for my life on top of KNOWING somehow that i just "saw" something horrific or traumatic enough to bring me to instant tears is not something i can continue to do.
>>17167387
Perhaps you could look into some sort of "self help", like meditation and OTC drugs.
Nice picture btw, I've been in Pattaya but Kowloon seems like a whole different level.
>>17167433
>"self help", like meditation and OTC drugs
it would put a lot at risk on multiple levels. there's monthly drug screenings as well randomly.
>>17167445
I would really like to know how are they screening for people who meditate. As for OTC, they are usually OTC for a reason, they are light drugs/food supplements it's not likely that you will get tested for any of them.
>>17167468
oh, i read that as medicate. as for OTC, no joke it'll be screened for. even pain pills for headaches or whatever. might not result in anything, but the job is sensitive to any kind of drugs in the system. it's a security job.
>>17167387
as long as you dont tamper with information and dont tell anyone you have ptsd (saying that on 4 chan was pretty dumb of you) you should be fine. i recommend changing your house, usually these kinds of stressors are environmental.
>>17167387
Sorry to say, anon, but it sounds like PTSD to me. You may be having what are referred to as "intrusions," repressed memories or impressions (internalized and interpreted experiences of external events) which return unbidden and disturb the normal functioning and quality of your life. These can result in senses of anxiety, fear, depression, and worse from there, depending on the severity of the trauma and how you as a person handle such situations.
For whatever reasons, if you don't feel that you can seek out treatment, therapy more generally (without medication) orients itself for the gradual exploration of the initial traumatic event(s), discussion in a safe space, and then consideration of how those past circumstances might be affecting your life now. Psychologists will frequently establish a recovery plan which aims to slowly work out the repressions and then cope with them in a compassionate and realistic fashion.
If you really can't go talk with a psychologist, or if you don't trust their discretionary rules, then you could try working through some of it on your own. Try meditation (which really can be many different activities, as long as they make you feel calm and centered, preferably lower-stimulation activities like reading, or gentle exercise, or massage, or even breathing techniques) and keeping a dream journal, if the intrusions express themselves while you sleep. As soon as you wake up, write down any images you saw, any feelings you had. Even if they seem or feel unsubstantial, try to face them and put them into words. Do this for as long as the dreams continue, and "meditate" or try calming activities every night before bed and after you wake up in the morning. The point is to try to stitch back together those memories or impressions of events that in some way "traumatized" or disturbed you, so much so that they did not affect you at the time (your own mental processes repressed them in self-defense.)
>>17167504
alright. sounds like a plan.
