Ok. So before i tell you people about my issue. id like you to know a bit about me, because its going to be a long and drawn out post. theres going to be a bit of background, a bad time. and a good time. and where i am now.
as for background, Im a 25 y/o guy, ive had sex with 3 women, one was a relationship for 6 years. it ended badly. the second was a one night stand withe her best friend. that was when i found out i do not like one night stands.
the third is my current girlfriend, we've been together for 2 and a half years. no problems at all. we get along great, are into the same things, and both have our own careers.
The first half of my life was shit, in elementary school i was a very white, red headed, adhd obnoxious child. I was picked on, made fun of, bullied, and hated. this went on all throughout middle school, and half of high school.
My junior year in highschool. I went from a 5'4''
super white, red headed afro obnoxious kid with ADHD, to a 5'11'' chiseled, red bearded buzzcut with all the right features. instant popularity.
from there life was a breeze, i made friends who didnt betray me, i had girls hit on me all the time, which i didnt act on because of girl (A). I graduate highschool at 18. for the next two years, i did the typical fuck around, dead end job, have college kick my ass, lost my girlfriend, lost touch with highschool friends ect.. at 20 years old i get my associates, and decide not to continue college. I said fuck it, selfishly used my family connections, and stepped on other peoples toes, and threw people under the bus to be in the spotlight. i made some enemies, i made some friends. i traveled.
fast forward to now. Im 25 years old. have been making 150k - 200k per year for four years. it took me a year to get into the position im in now. I virtually have no bills. a nice high rise apartment, a nice car thats paid for, my beautiful girlfriend, and no end in sight for the success.
bear with me.
on a scale from wizard to chad ive gone from wizard, skipped right over chad to success.
life. was fucking. awesome.
So. this past january, my johnson starts itching. this prick itches for 3 days straight. ive never had an std test but i figured this was a good time. so i go to my local free clinic, and get tested, a few minutes goes by and the man comes back into the room, hes says to me, "well you dont have anything that would make you itch." im relieved. but then he goes on to say "but you do have HIV".
my heart drops to the floor.
a few days go by as i go from panic to rage to depressioin, to desperate. so i go to the doctor to see what can be done and pray the whole time that im a "natural suppresor" or whatever its called. i sit down in the doctors office and he starts telling me that you can live with HIV and it can be manageable.
im relieved. the conversation goes by amd he asks me if im having any symptoms. now, i knew that these symptoms were not related to HIV, but i told him anyways because i figured why not. i could stand to hear him tell me to stop smoking a pack a day, and to quit drinking.
So i tell him my huge list of symptoms that through the use of webmd i could tie to my substance abuse. heres the kicker. he suggests that i do some tests, mri's, ct scans, have my head checked. i asked him why and he says "just a precaution, its most likely nothing serious." two weeks later i get a call to go in and speak to him. I have lung cancer.
nobody knows. not my parents, not my girlfriend, not my friends, not my co workers.
life is black and white.
im losing interest in work.
my awareness of these symptoms are hightened 10 fold.
i cant sleep.
when i do i have the most twisted nightmares. i couldnt even make them up.
i have no drive to do anything.
my life is over.
im a dead man.
>>17162683
>>17162655
>>17162652
Bump cause damn dude that's rough.
My best advice would be to find out how much longer you have left. If it is long try to focus on the good things in life and try to live it like normal. If it is not then say fuck it, quit your job, and use your savings to live life the way you wanted to. Travel, buy nice items and make these last few moments of your life the best that they can be. Your life may be over, but you can still make your final moments be fucking amazing.
>>17162683
Would that mean that your partner likely has HIV as well? Sorry anon, but chances are that with your money you might be able to manage things, I think.
>>17162987
thats a thought. i was thinking live decent in the states until it becomes noticeable that there is seriously something wrong with me. then use the last bit of savings in a third world country. its a serious consideration. nobody will see me die a horrible death. nobody will be responsible for the bills. ill just disappear.
>>17163035
you think i could manage terminal lung cancer AND HIV? without my immune system i wont be able to even remotely fight cancer....im dead. she may be able to fight. but im dead. and i dont know if she cheated on me.... or if it was one of the other two girls... but it doesnt matter now. ive been having unprotected sex with her for two years. she has HIV.
>>17163047
I guess something to do would be to tell anyone you've had sex with that they might have it, seeing as you don't know how long you've had it. And to find out who gave it to you.
If you know you're dead for sure, why hide it? Why keep working? It's time to cut the bullshit and literally live as if you'll die tomorrow.
>>17163071
believe me i know your point. its hard to go to work knowing that its all for nothing. ive got about 150k in savings. but its hard to know how i want to spend the rest of my life. i dont care about the other two girls. ill probably tell my girlfriend...but i dont know if i want to. if she knows then she'll never be able to have sex again. she'll never be in an intimate relationship again...ignorance is bliss.... if she doesnt know she might get one more good relationship out of life...
>>17163083
If she has sex with other people after you're gone and they get HIV... well shit anon, those are people you could save right now by telling her. Those other girls as well, they might be living in ignorance as well and spreading it.
Your life might be over but you can still do good for other people. If you're looking for things to give meaning to your final months/years/however long it may be, this is it.
>>17163096
Its the trade off between caring about her well being, and saving people down the line. but then again, i dont know if it was her... like i said, ive only had sex with 3 women. either way. its going to be a huge shit sandwich.
>>17163096
ill probably have to tell all three of them the truth and then ask them to be honest...the only bad part is that i dont want anyone to know.... i have a passport... i have the funds.... i can disappear...but not if i tell any of them...
>>17163167
Rotting away in some third world country doesn't sound too appealing to me. No one will know what happened but is that really what you want? To have your loved ones wonder for the rest of their lives what happened? What would you want if you were in their position?
Honestly, it's probably going to be shit for you from now until the end no matter what you do. Might as well do what's right and come clean, end your existence the proper way, if there is one at all.
>>17163224
I may have a warped opinion or point of view, but i would want the people around me to remember me as the person they know, the person i am, i dont want them to remember me in a hospital bed, with no hair, clawing and fighting for every breath. and then leave them, with medical bills, and funeral bills. because....you know... we have to pay to die in the U.S. I'm going to sleep, i have the thread bookmarked, if youd like to talk about it tomorrow. that is assuming this doesnt get cleaned up.
>>17163284
I'm going to sleep as well, I reckon it'll get archived by tomorrow.
Good luck anon, only you can decide what's right. I really feel for you, but hey - at least you got to experience the good life while you were here.
>>17163304
i suppose.
move to a country with free healthcare if your insurance doesnt cover the cost, you have little reason to stay in the US with those illnesses. if you stay there, 150k seems to be nothing
Find out what stage your tumor is in, find out your likelyhood to survive (early stage 50% 2nd stage 30% later on <10%)
HIV doesnt kill you and you will live long enough, that a cure for it will probably become available in your lifetime, also you can have kids free of HIV, if you live in a non developing country.
Best case you have about a 50 : 50 Chance to lead a pretty normal life otherwise you are dead in 5 years
Chances are 100 : 1 that it was one of the chicks you had a relationship with. it's just important to find out which one of them, but I would talk to your now GF about this, they will notice your mood changinc anyways and you want her on your side rather than kill her affection once and for all. Sure chances are she has it aswell by now, but its also easily possible, that she gave it to you. Ask her, if she has ever taken a risk in that regard, and only if she always used a condom, you presume its from your ex. I would tell her, or leave an anonymous letter in her current BFs postbox
godspeed anon,
sincerely medfag
>>17163047
You have to tell her. You might be okay with dying, but she might want to try to live with it
![bios_rackam[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/aTjVXlL.gif "bios_rackam[1].gif")
what's that got to do with based Jack 'Calico Jack' Rackham?
>>17163416
>move to a country with free healthcare if your insurance doesnt cover the cost
yeah because you can just move to some other country where they'll be delighted to pay the medical cost of your lethally ill ass. doesn't work like that.
>>17164255
yea. i agree it wouldnt work that way. if it did, everyone would do it.
>>17164061
im going to tell her after i talk to the other two women.
>>17163416
its late. and non operable. thats why i opted out of treatment. theres no point.
