So, my girlfriend made a new male friend. He's a new volunteer at community center she regularly volunteers at. Now, my girlfriend has male friends. But these guys she's known for years, back from high school and some even from middle school, and its never been a problem for me. But this new friend. I don't know how I feel about him. They volunteer together on Saturdays, and they exchanged numbers and they text all day, everyday. To be somewhat fair though, my girlfriend texts a lot of people all day long, she's social af and always on her phone. But still. I've read their chat logs, and didn't find anything suspicious, some lame attempts at flirting that my girlfriend probably didn't pick up, but he makes her laugh all the fucking time. Sometimes she just bursts out laughing when she's texting this dude. Other than that they just talk about their day or their fucking cats or whatever. I thought this dude might've been gay at first, but I found him on my girlfriend's Facebook friend list and he still has photos on there with his ex girlfriends. Makes me feel a little insecure because this dude is actually pretty attractive, tall, drives a nice car, dresses well, and I'm the opposite of all that. This is the first time I've felt scared of being cucked, and I can't stop thinking about it.
There's a decent chance you'll get cucked, judging from this evidence 2bh. Adult men and women aren't meant to be friends, no matter how much people pretend it's fine. There will always be some attraction, unless they grew up together and see eachother as family, or keep enough distance and are just 'couples' friends that you meet with your partner now and then.
>>17161651
Honestly this is a very touchy situation.
If you confront her about him you might make her feel like you don't trust her.
I say wait until you have something incriminating about their relationship first before you panic. However, you could ask her about him... You know to pick her brain about him..
>>17161651
Why does she need to have his number?
Why does she need another male friend?
Respect yourself more OP, You are the last male friend she needs OP. You can work without people without being their text buddy. Confront her on this OP.
>>17161651
>attempts at flirting that my girlfriend probably didn't pick up
No. She knows. At a point in most relationships partners stop cultivating opposite sex friends unless that person is friends with both partners. This is two people getting to know each other with the possibility it will change to something more they both want to pursue. They're nearly dating OP.
>>17161651
since she spends so much time with and chatting with this guy has she ever asked if you want to meet her new "friend"?
>>17161651
Show this man who the real alpha male is, beat him up using your immense strength/dirty fighting tactics.
>>17161791
She's never asked me, no. She's told me about him though. I'm gonna go volunteer with this weekend so I can meet the guy, and see what's up.
>>17161778
Trust me, man, women are really fucking oblivious to flirting sometimes.
Hence all the fuss about girls being a tease and stuff, they often do not notice when they're being flirted with and fail to reject a person they aren't attracted to. Which then leads to /r9k/.
>>17161732
I'm pretty sure it's normal to have friends of the sex you're attracted to. It's not normal for your SO to be completely dependent on you for friendship, and it seems like OP's gf is naturally social. It would be controlling and sound jealous if you barred her from being friends with a dude she's known since middle school.
>>17161836
This is a cuck post and uninformed post
>>17161732
OP, please don't follow this transparently awful advice. Real answer: stop being paranoid and do something about your lacking self-confidence.
>>17161879
Another cuck post
>>17161812
No, don't bother. This is a power dynamic in your relationship. If you volunteer, you're playing into her hands.
There is only one way to deal with this and it's to cut it the fuck out from the start. Sorry dude, being meak or beta over this is going to result in you getting walked over. There's a LOT of partners that will cross the line with boundaries. That's exactly what she's doing. She's almost testing the waters. Slowly, to be sure. But she's doing it all the same. Perhaps she enjoys the attention. Or the sexual chemistry, or both. You know why? You know why she's doing it innocently? Because it places you in a tough spot. If you are passive and let it happen, she gets her way. If you raise an issue with it, but raise it in a meak way, you will just get the cliche "You've nothing to worry about" brush off answer. You know why? Because a lot of males don't want to be seen as controlling/possessive, so they let their girlfriends pull this sort of shit on them. Don't let her.
You need to call it. But you need to do it smartly. If you say something along the lines of stop talking to him, you WILL come across as controlling. So you need to raise an issue with the closeness. Remind her, you're her boyfriend and you consider the constant texting she's doing as crossing the line, that she's getting too close to this guy and you're not interested in being in a relationship with someone that is paying a ridiculous amount of attention to other men. If that's what she's interested in, thats her decision, but you're not going to stick around and watch her constantly text a guy that's trying to flirt with her and worm his way in, so she can either discuss whether you're staying with her or not or what she intends to do about it.
Mean every word that you say. I'm serious.
>>17161879
I work with plenty of males and females and not one do I text nor speak with during my non work hours. OP's girl has taken this to another level
>>17161903
This I did an exchange (23) in order to learn a language for over a year. I was never talking to girls outside of class unless I was actively trying to bang them or legitimately needed help.
>>17161651
I think you should have an honest conversation with your gf about this guy specifically, and cheating generally. Sounds like she has a mild crush on him, which doesn't have to be a big deal at all, and in fact your sex life can benefit from her excitement. You certainly aren't being cucked if you are the one getting the awesome sex. This can only happen, however, if you both feel comfortable and safe enough in your relationship to accept that crushes are normal in LTRs and don't have to threaten your confidence or self-esteem. You certainly aren't being "beta" if you aren't threatened by another guy because you are so confident in your relationship.
That said, the conversation you need to have has to include what the boundaries are. A crush is fine, and talking to him is fine, but not if it interferes with your time together, like if she texts him all day. And maybe being alone with him is also not fine - no sense in setting her up for temptation. I think it is a good idea to volunteer together so you do meet him, then you are a real person and not just a name to him, which makes it more likely the crush will fade on his end. She also needs to know you are aware of her crush on him, and it doesn't bother you, but that it doesn't mean you're in an open relationship. You can admit to feeling protective of her, and even a little jealous.This will likely make her feel safe and confident as well, because it shows that you are protective of the relationship without being controlling. If you are capable of being honest and introspective without fear of being meek, your relationship will be healthier and more successful.
>>17161831
Naw. Women have dudes trying to bang them from the time they sprout tits and they have seen every approach in the book. They know. Some are better at the game and can deflect while others bury their heads hoping it goes away. A true master at flirting can keep the guy hanging indefinitely and if he begins to tire she will say a little something to pull him back. OP's girl and this new guy are enjoying the game and it is not a budding friendship.
>>17161940
I agree with most of what you say anon except you neglect to address her crush is disrespectful to OP and it should bother him. Not whiny bitching bother but real disappointment in her behavior.
>>17161940
Don't listen to this guy/girl. This is an idealistic advice answer as to how something should happen. Which I agree with....idealistically. However, the reality is that when you speak like this to someone and try to be balanced on all sides, you come off as meak. Being meak when raising an issue like this, especially with someone who is pushing the boundaries,is a way to get bulldozed over. If people think they can persuade you, pull tricks to get what they want, they will.
>Not installing fear in to her when talking with any other males that isn't you or the family
Don't be a pussy.
>>17161651
shit like this is why im afraid of commitment
>>17161894
^MY MAN
>>17161987
commitment isn't what's scary it's choosing someone that isn't committed to you
>>17162004
friend of mine has been in 3 LTR and he was cucked in all of them, took him years to get over them
>>17161651
Your girlfriend texts a guy infront of you and you just sit there?
>>17161651
my GF made a new "friend" from work. The guy would try and flirt with her all the time and she said she ignored it or whatever. She would say "oh he's just a friend". After knowing each other for 2 weeks she was fucking his dick so I kicked her out, she moved in with him, and he beat her more than once. Which is hilarious.
So have fun. Shes going to get caught up in that "fresh new feeling" of meeting someone new and cheat on you.
>>17161651
not a difficult problem dude
Option 1: trust her
Option 2: bail
if you're not afraid of being alone and you still pick option 1 then you're a winner
>>17162038
>>17161651
To note, this same exact thing has happened to literally every man I know. Their girl meets a new "friend" and cheats a couple weeks later. Ever single time.
>>17162046
Why do women cheat? I mean, most men cheat for pussy. But why do women do it?
>>17162054
for dick.
They get bored easily because they are incredibly boring themselves. Unless you are constantly entertaining your GF or wife or whatever the fuck they are going to seek entertainment elsewhere. Usually the enjoyment of being with some one new is the excitement they want.
The whole "I want that FIRE we had" bullshit. Because that kind of shit is literally impossible to last with any relationship.
>>17162062
>for dick.
For higher quality dick.
>>17161651
If she puts her phone down screenside down, you're already cucked. Start mentally leaving the relationship bruh.
>>17162080
yeah that's not the case at all.
The "yay it's new" is all that matters. She could be going from a man with a career to a man that works min wage retail as long as it's new.
if u dont see any signs of her flirting back with him she still loves u and its just a friend. i have guy friends that make me laugh till i bust a lung but i dont feel anything bigger towards them.
>>17162468
you're thinking of a guy you've known for a long time though. This new guy hasn't been officially friend zoned yet.
I think OP and one of his friends should go out for a drink with her and this new guy. OP should give him a firm handshake with good eye contact and be otherwise friendly to him throughout the night.
This will achieve two things:
1. OPs gf will see that OP is concerned with who she is hanging out with (think protection over jealousy) which is not a turn off for women.
2. This puts the other guy in an uncomfortable position. He won't be able to flirt with her in front of OP (unless he is alpha af, which he doesn't appear to be) and he will feel lame, and therefore OPs gf will see him as lame. OP can take this opportunity to PDA with his gf to establish in front of the new guy that she isn't his, she is OPs.
Also, if you are friendly to the guy (and you have no reason not to be at this point) he will see that there is nothing he can use to convince the girl to come to him instead. Of course, if he is a dick, you have to be a bigger dick back, but that odds of that happening are very slim.
seems primal, and it is, but that's how it works.
>>17162468
>irting back with him she still loves u and its just a friend.
She could easily delete those messages or only flirt while talking.
If shes hiding something you simply won't be able to tell. One day she might slip up and that's when you'll find out. Hopefully it won't be too late.
Don't be stupid as I was. Had the exact same situation (plus fighting about that guy) that was lasting cca 5 months. She met him at UNI, they were only friends, blah blah. She didn't invite me to meet him. After 4 years of relationship I kicked her out when she turns out to be lying bitch.
End it OP, end it for your own good. Maybe she isn't cheating now, but she will get "that feeling" sooner or later and the only one who will suffer will be you. Play it cool and end it before it's too late.
>>17162557
I like this advice. Law of the jungle confrontation.
On the plus side, if you lose this in-person battle, you don't have to wait three weeks to read her post coital texts to the other guy.
>>17161651
what kind of girlfriend gives her number to guys while she is in a relationship? I have no idea why you guys put up with that shit.
>>17162054
because they get bored and they want to create drama in the relationship. happen to a friend of mine right after he told her he loved her. women only react on emotion and how they are feeling at that moment.
>>17161916
I (bf) bit this 'language practice' line when my gf was overseas.
Christ, nowadays I wouldn't even consider a woman who was overseas 'my girlfriend.' It'd be more like: good luck with the rest of your life. No I will not wait.
>>17161894
This guy a fucking legend. Basically explained thoroughly on what needed to be done. If you dont want to get cucked then do this. Youre not challenging. She knows if she do this youll stick around and say nothing. Shes not afraid to lose you. She sees no threat that might cause her to lose you. You need to show her that youre worth it. You give no shit if she leaves you. Girls can say whatever they want, but theyre nore turnes on on guys who have authority.
>>17161651
Start dressing nicely
