Ok, this is kind of completely fucked-up.
My girlfriend is borderline, depressed, and all the shit it comes with. I know I'm crazy, but I love her so much I'll do anything.
The thing is, she told me she needs to feel pain. She like it and she feels relieved. She want that I take her wrists and tighten them hard.
I did this a number of time, but now she wants me to do this without her asking me. The thing is, I have no fucking idea what to do.
I don't know shit about depression and people who are hurting themself. I have no idea what they feels like, when it could be appropriate for me to do this to her.
Any people here could explain me a little these self-desctrutives mechanisms? I know It's impossible for me to help to fix her in any way, all I want to do is to be with her.
no one can really say why your gf wants to hurt herself because her experience with her mental illness is unique to only her.
but i can say for myself and others, sometimes pain is just what you seek because it elicits an emotional response. and when you're depressed, pretty much every emotion is hard to come by. inflicting pain just makes you feel something for once. some people also see it as a punishment they deserve, or a coping mechanism to make themselves feel pain as opposed to another hurtful emotion.
your girlfriend is a person who probably would benefit from professional help if she doesn't already see someone. you'll send yourself down a dark path if you continue to do the things she asks you to do.
Stop indulging her with that shit. As someone who has struggled with depression probably longer than your gf has been alive, I can tell you there are ways of dealing with it without self harm. Look at alternative forms of calm, like meditation or get her into therapy
>>17160178
It's the reason people cut themselves. The (warped) thinking goes like this: "I'm in emotional/mental pain and there is no visible cause of it. If I give myself physical pain I can see the cause-and-effect of that, and so agt least it makes some sense."
>>17160195
Thank you, I understand a little better.
I tried to make her think about seeing a therapist again, but I don't know how to bring it without making it selfish. She took antidepressors a time ago but stopped because she said it was changing her personnality.
>>17160199
She was doing a lot of meditation, but stopped when we began to see each other in a romantic way. I don't know why she stopped, she dodged the question when I asked her. I think it is because we are almost all of the time together. But when we aren't she wants me to come to her immediatly.
When I'm angry and upset I feel all over the place. Cutting made me focus on the sharp pain. Basically think of any stereotypical scene in a show where someone is freaking out so you slap them and bring them back to reality.
It's like that, with the undercurrent of depression and "this is what I deserve anyway." I was the kind of person who figured I was already fucked up so, this wasn't fucking me up worse.
I'd be careful about grabbing her wrists though. That could leave bruises. And well, borderline depressed girl with bruised wrists and a boyfriend? Doesn't look good. Get a rubber band she can snap on her wrist maybe.
>>17160229
One time I tried and asked her ( instead of just doing it liek she wanted ), but she was, and I didn't even know, angry with me so pushed me back. I was so ashamed with myself and scared about the fact of falling again that I didn't try anymore.
About the bruises, she said she like it. This girl like shit like this. Fuck
>>17160243
This is the part where it's not helping or "being strong" for her. You're trying to, and you have the right intentions, but she's going at it in a bad way and both of you are getting hurt.
She likes it because she thinks she deserves it probably. Just because she likes it though... Really think about it. That's not going to convince other people you aren't purposefully hurting her. Getting fucking dangerous there if you're supposed to do it without asking.
>>17160257
Well yeah I really think about it, I have no intentions to hurt anyone in this world.
But she's said she stopped hurting herself because of me agreeing to doing it with my own hands instead of cutting shit.
I have intention to do it again. I'll just see. But when we are normally together we are mostly happy and laughing so, I don't really see when to tempting something risky for both of us
Try to convince her to go to therapy.
If that doesn't work, maybe try BDSM AFTER you have researched it and know how to do it SAFELY.
I used to self harm, definitely don't do it FOR her that'll fuck both u up pretty bad in the long wrong. Definitely try to get her to consider therapy. If she still likes it rough when she's healthier and happier, it'll be way more fun then anyway
>>17160411
long *RUN lmao
>>17160178
So I just skimmed through the replies, might be redundant what I say:
First of all, Self-harm has little to nothing to do with depression. It has instead to do with Borderline. The major reasons BPs (Borderline personalities, incorrect terminology but who cares) hurt themselves, to my understanding, is to a) relieve internal tension b) punish themselves for perceived shortcomings/failures c) evoke a reaction from others. Eventually it turns into a habit. It's pretty similar to smoking actually. You know it's an unhealthy habit, but it does what it's supposed to and you don't care about the consequences.
So the solution obviously is to teach her more healthy ways of coping with stress/tension. How you do that, I don't really know, that's up to you to find out.
However, what you shouldn't do is indulge her. If she cuts (it didn't become clear from your OP), don't show compassion or pity, best not to give her any attention at all. This might seem counter-intuitive, but as stated above, a major reason for self-harm is because others take pity on you and give you attention, so by taking that away, you give her one reason less to self-harm. My approach would be to make her feel like you are annoyed at best at this behavior, but I guess that depends on the severity of her disorder and other personality traits.
And how would it be selfish of you to ask her to see a therapist? You want her to better after all. Keep in mind though that Borderline is a tough disorder to work with and it is unlikely there will be big improvements.
Here for other questions. Sources: Personal experience (my fiancée has BPD, been with her for four years), personal research for obvious reasons and four semesters of Psychology.
>>17160178
go watch some facial abuse vids
maybe shed like that ????????
>>17160404
inb4 rape accusations
