it is suffering to not have a girlfriend.
tell me the truth, does the suffering really stop once you get a girlfriend?
>>17155622
Lol how dependent are on others for happiness
>>17155622
Yes and no. Yes because if you have someone who is awesome and has similar interests as you, then it will be so good talking and hanging out together... the downside is that you always have a feeling in the back of your mind that she will go off and get picked up by any sexy Chad that walks by, or that she's talking to other guys and flirting and stuff.
Best way to deal with that is to realize that there are always people like your GF now (maybe without the flirting), and that you are great and can get any girl. Be confident in yourself.
Only if your only problem is being single.
>>17155622
>it is suffering to not have a girlfriend.
No, it is suffering to nit have your life together. You think it is suffering to not have a girlfriend because you are trying to get a girlfriend before (or perhaps as part of) getting your life together, but this is putting the cart before the horse.
>tell me the truth, does the suffering really stop once you get a girlfriend?
No. It stops once you have your life together.
No.
The reason you'd like a cute gf is so you have something to strive for.
It is just a pipedream.
The sad reality is that once you achieve her, even if she is perfect, you will not be sated. The human spirit drives onwards evermore.
Think about the men who already have what you strive for. There are millions of them, right now. Ask yourself, are they truly happy? Perhaps they have simply shifted their anguish up into a different facet? Once their current one has been filled.
I wonder if the key is... to avoid climbing this neverending ladder?
Could it be, that the winning move is not to play?
>>17155650
I like the cut of your jib or something or other
no also you need to love yourself to love someone else
>>17155622
Relationships are overrated,there is no rule that states that you have to have a girlfriend to be normal nor is it always satifsying to have one.
Like the based anon before me said,The winning move is not to play at all.
>>17155622
I wouldn't know ;_;
>>17155650
Cool, imma go kill myself thanks to this advice. Only way to not play the game is to take myself off the board entirely.
>>17157141
coolstorybro.jpg
pics or it didn't happen.
>>17157141
>Only way to not play the game is to take myself off the board entirely.
Not at all. You just need to change your strategy. As it stands, you're trying to do things in a weird order. Just change the order to somwthing more realistic -get things together first, and THEN start seeking companionship- and it'll go better.
having a partner is overrated.
the best part is getting to have sex daily instead of fapping and even that isn't worth the trouble most the time
There is no end, because we exists only to suffer.
Life is a pointless, cruel nightmare, and only death brings sweet release of oblivion.
>>17157160
I don't think there is any other conclusion to reach here. I mean, life sucks, and then you die. Why drag it out? Just put the bullet through your brain stem and get it over with. I don't see how adjusting things to a more reasonable goal is going to make me stop wanting things. The only way to not move is to ensure you can't move at all. This logic feels pretty air tight man
>>17155650
Or just find a pretty girl you get along with on a fundamental level, who shares interests and inspires you to be ambitious
It increases
>>17157184
>I don't see how adjusting things to a more reasonable goal is going to make me stop wanting things.
You didn't ask to stop wanting things. You asked for the pain to end. That's reasonable, but it's not the same thing as wanting to die.
My way takes time, it is true, but so what? All ways take time. There is no instant fix.
>The only way to not move is to ensure you can't move at all. This logic feels pretty air tight man
It's airtight as far as it goes, but it's predicated upon not moving. Why insist on not moving? This place where you are right now is hurting you terribly. Why not move, and in so doing, reach a better place? Alive and intact, so you can enjoy it?
>>17157289
>alive and intact
No one here gets out alive...
>>17155622
After the cute little honeymoon period of getting together, the true suffering begins my friend.
>>17157307
>No one here gets out alive...
True, but then why rush to the end? It will come in due time, no matter what you do. So you may well adapt to the ride and enjoy it while it lasts.
>>17155622
Basically it's like this
Being with the right person who cares about you and loves you > being single > being in a relationship with somebody who doesn't give a fuck about you
>>17155649
>it stops once you have your life together
To what capacity?
There's not a simple black and white between having it altogether and having nothing. There is a massive range in between. Massive.
>You think it is suffering to not have a girlfriend because you are trying to get a girlfriend before (or perhaps part of) getting your life together, but
>this is putting the cart before the horse.
I don't agree with this.
First of all, you will never be "complete", so putting off the process of finding someone until you're "ready" isn't always the best thing. Unless you literally have nothing at all. Imperfect people who are still on their path get relationships and sex all the time.
Second, modern dating has warped into something a lot of men have to "learn". If you haven't had a girlfriend, a kiss or sex your entire life, it's gonna be harder for you to meet women even if you do have most of your other shit together. It's better to casually ease into meeting women and learning how to relate to them now, otherwise it's just gonna be one more thing for you to agonize over down the road. So yes, getting a girlfriend - or at least trying to - IS a part of getting your life together.
>>17157671
>First of all, you will never be "complete",
Of course you will. The catch is that completion is temporary. We live out many lives over the course of our time on this planet: you get things together, move along for a while, and then something happens to throw it all into disarray. Nothing can ever be as it was, and so your old life is over: you must build another one. You've already been through several such transitions: from home to grade school, from grade school to high school, from high school to college, when your parents divorced, when you entered the work force... I could go on. You may not have experienced all the transitions on this list (I haven't either), and you may have experienced some I haven't mentioned, but the point is that you have been through several. You will go through others too. This cycle stops when we die, and no sooner: dying itself is the last transition.
And this is the big secret: relationships can survive transitions -this happens all the time- but new ones (normally) can't form in mid-transition. Once you start a transition, you have to finish. Only then does the possibility of a relationship open up again.
>Imperfect people who are still on their path get relationships and sex all the time.
I didn't say you had to be perfect; if that were necessary, there would be no relationships. I only said that you can't be in transition. Finish the one you are in, and THEN start looking. If another transition hits before you find a gf, that's a bummer, but pause your search, complete the new transition, and then resume. That's how it works.
>>17157289
You insisted on not moving, not me. I think you have some cognitive dissonance because you don't want to admit that suicide is the only rational option here. Join me, as we step into the sweet cradle of death, accepting our mortality on our terms, and slip with me into the unending procession of the dead. Join all those before you, kings and commoners, lovers and enemies. Everyone who has ever lived, now joined together in the annuls of history, linked by the commonality of their own inevitable death. You can too count yourself among them, rejoicing in a release of pain and misery to an unimpeding nothingness that neither judges nor rejects. Death is the ultimate release, the last destination for all, and the greatest kindness possible. Death is not to be feared, but embraced and celebrated as it signifies the ending of a being's torturous existence. Join your body back with the universe that unknowingly and unwittingly granted you life, and let your consciousness fade into nothing, from which it arose. Are your ready anon?
>>17157720
>I only said that you can't be in transition.
You said you have to have your life together, but OK.
>Finish the one you are in, and THEN start looking. If another transition hits before you find a gf, that's a bummer, but pause your search, complete the new transition, and then resume. That's how it works.
Fair enough, though I still don't agree entirely, unless the transition is something major like moving away to start a new job. If it's just graduating college and getting a job in the local area, I don't see the need to "wait". But I guess it's up to the individual to decide whether they think they're ready to have another person in it or not.
>>17155622
no. your life sucks. having a random woman there isnt going to make it not suck. on occassion it makes it suck more.
>>17157732
>You insisted on not moving, not me.
Um, no.
>I think you have some cognitive dissonance because you don't want to admit that suicide is the only rational option here.
If I'm the one experiencibg cognitive dissonance -if suicide is really the only rational option, and you are the rational actor here- then why are you still alive? Shouldn't you have done the "rational" thing by now?
No. Either there are other rational options, or you are acting irrationally (which itself throws your premise of suicide being the only rational option into doubt). Either I win, or you lose. Which is it?
>>17157735
>You said you have to have your life together, but OK.
Yes. THAT life. This is never a permanent state.
>Fair enough, though I still don't agree entirely, unless the transition is something major like moving away to start a new job. If it's just graduating college and getting a job in the local area, I don't see the need to "wait".
You might not. Many people do. See below.
>But I guess it's up to the individual to decide whether they think they're ready to have another person in it or not.
Not just the individual. It's also up to any prospective partner of theirs. That's the thing about relationships: it takes two. And when Number Two (whoever that may be at the moment) keeps deciding that you aren't ready, it's time to start questioning how you evaluate your own readiness.
>>17157124
Not true at all
>>17155622
For me it did
I had someone to talk to someone to laugh with and someone to sleep with,play games, watch movies, cuddle and do whatever you like
Now its worse than ever but what can you do
>>17157755
>the winning move is not to play
You sure did say that, buddy. I want others to see the light of the beauty of death as well. I can't very well do that dead, which is just an unfortunate fact of reality. That's the only reason I'm still here; to help usher others into death. A sort of ferryman who guides others to death, unable to act on my desires for the sake of other's happiness.
>>17155622
If you were suffering before, then a girlfriend won't stop it.
>>17157769
>when number two decides you aren't ready
You said it yourself, it takes two. Maybe they themselves aren't ready, maybe they aren't interested. Really, I wish it was as simple as "get your shit together and people will want you". But I literally had this discussion with a good friend of mine the other day, and she told me about two guys she knows who have a lot going for them. In great shape, financially well off, social, etc. They can't find girlfriends. Maybe she neglected the fact that their standards are probably pretty high too, but I digress.
When I'm evaluating relationship potential, it's not so much about being "ready", it's about "does this person care about me? And do I care about this person?" Somebody who is settled into their current life, but isn't emotionally available, is not ready for a relationship with me. Somebody who is in between jobs and finishing school, but knows how to be present with me and cares a lot about me and the state of our relationship then, assuming it's mutual enough, they're ready. That's how I see it. The kind of "readiness" people might vet for is different - some might be looking to settle down and raise a family, in which case it'd be hard to be with someone who's job involves a lot of traveling, or who has to pay off a lot of student loan debt.
Depends how reflective you are and what that is built upon. For example, if you already have a tendency to be neurotic and critical of your thoughts and actions this is unlikely to stop when you have a girlfriend.
Depends on how you define suffering. Depends on what you base your self esteem and worth upon. Phew this is a difficult one to just lay out there without assuming a bunch of shit so I'll talk about myself.
I find existence a burden. Disregard the assumption this is simply teenage angst, I'm wholly aware that held within existence is the opportunity for everything positive and negative which a human being can find and experience to determine and form a perspective on notions such as meaning and importance, I just recognise that this is a burden. It isn't something I reject, I embrace the challenge, I just know that it is more troubling than the alternative which would be a state of non-existence or not having the awareness that comes from a self constructed self identity within which there would not be any notion of positive or negative.
I try and structure my life based around a positive self image born of an awareness of my relative freedoms and my ability to influence things within a positive manner. Some simply this as try and live the life you want to live, or don't sweat the small stuff. Most of it boils down to trying to take actions because I want to take them and as a result they are truly rewarding and pleasurable and they don't generate hang ups and neurotic overthinking.
A girlfriend is yet another individual with thoughts I assume like my own. I mean, holy shit that is another massive can of worms right there.
Suffering pretty much ends when you decide that it isn't suffering any more. What does it mean to suffer? Like if I still my mind to the point where everything else fades away and I become connected completely to my sensory organs, suffering is gone because I'm beyond such an intellectualised concept of suffering, no self, no other.
>>17157821
Like what does it mean to suffer? To feel pain? Relative to what? Your own experience so far? How subjective is this and at what point does it pass from positive, to normal to suffering? Do you know how bad it gets? How do you judge that? Do you assume others feel things the same way? Do you try and relate to the experiences of others? What about in the absence of others? Can you truly know the minds of others? Are you basically the arbitrary judge of these subjective states and as such how does this have meaning and isn't this just a matter of perspective?
>>17155622
Nope. Unless you're happy with yourself you won't find happiness in someone else.
I have a serious problem of low self-esteem and had a girlfried last year for 8 months.
She was cute and very supportive but Iended up breaking up with her because I started to (I know it'll sound retarded but it's the truth) feel disgusted that she'd go out with someonr as shitty as me.
>>17157779
In other words, you're acting irrationally. Got it.
no, you cant guarantee that even if you have one she will be with you forever. I dont understand how people can feel sad being single. you know what sucks? having a gf for years and then have her cheat on you/break up. being single isnt suffering.
No. Just more bad heartbreaking decisions to be made. Hate to tell you man but life is pretty much shit.
>>17155622
It depends on the girlfriend. You don't know what suffering is until you get a bad one.
>>17155622
I am the best and most loyal girlfriend to my boyfriend, I am a girlfriend on easy mode. I let him do what he wants and I dont nag him, I don't go out and I don't talk with other guys. Despite this he is MISERABLE. He is suffering through his life even though I am there for him and very nurturing. Fix your life first.
>>17158877
Not worth it. My GF broke up with me today on my birthday, she even said how good I was as a BF but she said she doesn't know what she wants and she just wants to be alone. :( I fucking hate this feeling.
>>17155622
no. just because you have someone else in your life dont automatically change you into this brilliant human being. you can be absoulute if you want to. you have to change yourself into someone WANTS to be with. sitting around moping wont change your situation. go get your shit together first. cant love no one if ya dont love yourself first
>>17158885
yeah i have a feeling my BF will do that to me because of how miserable he is in his life. its sad to lose someone who still loves you. also shes a dick for breaking up with you on your birthday you deserve to have a fun night out or a fun night in whatever you wish. drinks would be good for this
>>17158216
>>17158216
>You don't know what suffering is until you get a bad one
This... A bad marriage is even worse.
Being with a good woman is better than being alone, but being alone is far, far better than being with a bad woman.
After my divorce, being by myself or with my male friends was like the most wonderful vacation I'd ever imagined.
Focus on being happy in your own life. As a nice bonus, that air of happiness will attract girls.
.
>>17155622
Nope.
A different suffering takes it's place. You'll be thrown in a roller coaster of emotions, needing love, and needing space.
I wish I were single at many times to take the stress off, even if it meant not having sex for a while.
I gotten so used to it that it doesn't hold meaning to me anymore.
