I'm quite lost on this one, /adv/. That doesn't happen often. So I might as well you your input.
Short story is that about a year ago I fell in love with my best friend. Before I could even figure out what to do about it, however, she got engaged and got pregnant quickly after. A couple months ago she had the kid.
It all happened so fast, but I figured we wouldn't be a good fit anyhow and the baby was kinda the last nail in the coffin on that one. So I just ignored it and waited for it to pass, as those things usually do. It didn't.
Recently she's been second guessing her relationship. For good reason, imho. But the kid kinda makes things complicated.
She asked me to honest to her about them being a good fit or not. For now I managed to stall the conversation until next time we see each other.
As you might have guessed, I'm confused about the whole thing. Usually I'm good at staying level headed and favor reason over emotion when considering what the right solution is. Now I'm not sure.
I don't think they suit each other. In fact I would have never imagined their relationship would go this far. He's a great guy and all, but not very smart and has zero interest in anything but "alternative lifestyle". She's way more complex than that. But who am I to say, you know? Maybe their feelings are what are important here.
But now that she is putting me on the spot, I'm worried my own emotions might fuck things up. I feel like telling her she made the wrong decision. I even feel like telling her how I feel about her, knowing full well there is no chance in hell. (At least for now.)
I just want to be a good friend to her.
PS: Writing this, I realize it must sound stupid as hell. I just wanted to spare you the sappy details about who we are as people and how I fell in love with her and stuff like that.
>>17147724
This is easy, you say:
I can't help you in this matter because conflict of interest.
This is legal, elegant and true way how to not tell her anything and still give out a "reason" why don't you answer.
>>17147749
How is that elegant?
I'd like to avoid indirectly telling her that I am in love with her. She's smart enough to figure it out.
If you're saying because of her fiancée: My loyalties lie with her and she knows that.
Apart from that I really do want to help her. I just don't want to sway her the wrong way out of ego or because I ignore the right answer, which just happens to align with my self-interest.
Perhaps I really should just say fuck it and be as honest as possible...
>>17147811
You are biased.
How can you think you can think straight when the person you are making decisions about is your "secret love"?
And even if she figure out, that isn't anything bad at all.
Trying to be as honest as possible will lead you to taking care of kid which isn't yours.
>conflict of interest
is your best bet.
>>17147840
I'd rather just give her a "I just don't know".
I appreciate the input, tho
Anyone else want to give their two cents?
Give her a 'soft' no.
As in "I wouldn't have thought it before you got married."
Tell her the truth, that you don't think they're a match made in heaven, but don't draw her away from him or put the blame on just him or her. Be gentle about it, as she's going through some rough moments, and you don't want to be the one that gives her the idea to do something crazy.
As a side note; the hell is an "alternative lifestyle?"
As a person who had a friend whos family to me and she was in a crappy relationship and i was asked to tell her my opinion i can
I told her its not healthy twice and when she told me to say what i think i told her
I was biased yes as im looking out for her first but you can see things if you're not over emotional and autistic like me
If i was you would i tell her?
If he's one of those futureless idiots that only listen to music while getting high and never clean the house and gets a girl preggo because fuck thinking
Then yes id tell her
If there isnt something wrong, her or his feelings aren't your business in this..
Then no id say its not my place
Also its unethical to say she should leave him if you want to be with her so leave yourself and that out of it
I hope you get it because i suck at writing
>>17147724
>im normally level headed
>I love her
>I wanted to be with her for the longest time
>shes asking me about being single again
>hurr what do I do
Are you this retarded? That's like asking a lobbyist what they think about donating to politicians. Of course you're going to say 'noo you're too good for him, break up!'
>>17147976
Thanks, senpai.
>As a side note; the hell is an "alternative lifestyle?"
Man bun, vegan, "I want to travel the world on my bike with my newborn!", dumpster diver,...
Must I go on?
Again, I love the guy. He's just really not smart. And she is borderline genius. One of the many reasons I didn't see it coming.
Fuck dude. Sometimes I am convinced she knows and even feels similarly and we just came to a silent agreement to never talk about it, because we both know it would never work out.
>>17147994
Nah, he's not a fuck up. I know he'll do right by her, if he let's her handle all the head work.
Once they hit a rough patch and I sat him down and made him see reason. If she weren't conflicted, I'd be really happy for her.
But if there were no baby, I'd tell her to look elsewhere.
>>17148009
Because I am not a teenager, that's why.
And I'm not about to tell my best friend to be a single mother, just because I have feelings I have no intention of pursuing right now.
>>17148040
Super smart girl
Gets a kid with a moron
Yeah sucks
Anyway look OP tell her what you think but dont say too much
State whats right and whats a fact, no dumpster diving and other shit isnt something you want in your life
See my point?
But if she gets touchy feely dont go all over her
>>17148053
Noted.
But then again that is partially the reason why I am not sure if they may not actually be okay. She is smart enough to make rational decisions. For her to chose him anyway, she must either actually love the guy.
Or he knew he was pressed for time and nailed her down as fast as he could.
Fuuuck.
Most of all I need a different woman to distract me.
