Ladies and gentlemen, cancerous memelords, and whatever poor fuck stumbled upon this site and can't leave- I am a man deeply conflicted about something with too many variables to figure out myself and seek the advice of third parties.
I should've posted before I started getting funny feelings but hopefully I can still stay objective in my description:
I've been good friends a woman for over a decade since high school. We've always gotten along fine and had fun and bla bla bla. She has never been deep in my circle of friends 'cause she is one of those that yeah they're really cool and all but you don't share that many interests so there are few occasions to hang out.
For a few years now we've had this dynamic of playful flirting, little jokes here and there with innuendos, occasionally giving me a spank or something, etc. If I tried to describe those interactions between us the best I can come up with is a "yeah you're attractive but we know how we are well enough where we probably shouldn't actually do anything" kind of thing. I never thought anything of it because she is like that with everyone she is close to and I'm pretty damn flirty with all my friends too.
2/3
She has been in a relationship with someone for years. I make it my policy not to delve into more personal aspects of my friends' lives unless they want to initiate conversation. I do not know their state of affairs but for the past year they have seemed to be drifting apart. I've heard rumors thrown around that together form an image- something to the effect of them not being together anymore because the dude is a selfish manchild or something but she still lets him live in her house out of pity for his financial situation. I wouldn't discount such a scenario as it wouldn't be out of character for them. However, I do not know what is going on regarding this. I stick to my policy of not sticking my nose into peoples' personal problems without them wanting me to and I am not going to compromise my principles.
Over the past few months she and I have both been working out with a few friends in the park twice a week and carry on the dynamic I described earlier. It was nice harmless fun, a boost to the ego, etc. However, I have noticed a trend in the past month or two. The things that we usually do are more frequent, the jokes laced with innuendo are sounding a little more like hitting on each other, and other weird things that I can't remember happening before. When we go out with friends we tend to be closer and more touchy and our innuendos are more risque right in front of the groups faces sometimes. I notice eye contact stuff like stolen glances or whatever it's called and I have to stop myself from doing it too. I could swear this is not unusual for her but lately its like its taken up to 11 compared to a few months ago.
3/4 actually holy FUCK this is long
I kept trying to tell myself "nah man she's just like that with people she is really close to," but I find myself acting in a similar manner, something which is out of character for me. I'd know that things aren't weird 'cause when I jokingly reciprocate the more blatant actions she recoils giggling and we just laugh it off, but that's happening a little less each time. Every once in a while she will lean in to her friend and express preference for me regarding more intimate hypotheticals, while we are all there in a circle within earshot. I tried to think nothing of it because we have joked about things like that as a tag team referring to other people just to mess with them.
Then there are weird things once in a while where I'm just thinking "lol wtf are you even saying." An example was when she was meticulously packing a bowl while we all watched intently and I crack a joke by sensually whispering something like "yeah just pack it in there" as expected and we all chuckle, and then she states something to the effect of "somehow when Anon says things like that my vagina doesn't clench in discomfort."
4/4
I'm not so naive that I can't see what it looks like, but at the same time I know her well enough and I'm paranoid about damaging relationships with the people I know where I have to ask myself if all this is some kind of coping mechanism for her personal problems, or I'm reading to much into things, or some other shit like that. This wouldn't have even bothered me before if I didn't finally realize that yes, I am totally into her, and it took me this long to realize what I was subconsciously acting on. I'm also terrified that my interest is really just to use her as a crutch for my own problems or some stupid shit, 'cause deep inside I am a bitter, cynical, depressed fuck. My worst fear is that if we really are into each other and we do something, based on what I know about her and myself, it'll not work out and everything will be ruined.
I hate problems and love solutions and I do not like being unable to figure out the right solution to something so volatile and delicate.
>tl;dr long-time friend and I have always been flirty but now it's getting too flirty between us and I need to see where this is going, even if it causes irrevocable damage
I need the thoughts of people not involved with us in any way. Am I reading too much into things? Am I a retard for not having done something already? Am I just a retard altogether?
Too many words. Not enough actions.
Do it faggot. Reflection is at best properly circular. Experience is the best teacher. Now go and learn.
>>17146929
>I've heard rumors
First of all, just stop. Rumors are exactly that - rumors. Don't misuse them.
>I am not going to compromise my principles
Well you already are, so stop it.
>somehow when Anon says things like that my vagina doesn't clench in discomfort."
Abort right fucking now - she's crazy.
>if I didn't finally realize that yes, I am totally into her
Don't you see how that magically happens once she starts paying attention to you? Unlike most women, this girl has taken cock before and understands how it works. She knows she can't seem too easy access to you because she'll spook you, so she's slow dripping the sexual affection and attention on you.
I can already tell she's a master and she's already worked her claws into you Anon. Get. The Fuck. Out.
> use her as a crutch for my own problems or some stupid shit
I commend you for seeing this about yourself so I don't have to tell you. You hit the nail on the head - and guess what, you're ditto for her. You're her way to cope with her shitty relationship.
Please just stop. I feel like your Dad right now but I'm serious. I have BEEN down this road. I have FELT the destruction.
>I am a bitter, cynical, depressed fuck
And this will break you. Don't. Do. It.
>>17147376
Wow, so bitter. So damaged.
>>17146924 (and the rest)
So to summarise, long time friend who has flirty nature is these days more focussed in how she flirts with you?
You're both old enough to know how this works and old enough to sort out who's worth elevating to a relationship. You've not disparaged her so she's possibly quite a nice person and she sounds like a counter part to your nature (from what you've described).
I'd give it a chance. Talk to her alone, be charming and tell her what you've told us. Tell her you're interested in serious long term commitment and see how she reacts... talk generally, sound out her relationship goals. I think it could be good.
>>17147449
>Wow, so bitter. So damaged.
No just accurate. Don't foist your emos on me or my advice - my advice pertains specifically to OP's situation.
If you seriously delude yourself into thinking that giving a woman who "has a shitty boyfriend" and is leap frogging onto OP when OP is depressed, bitter, and cynical in his own words.....a chance is a good idea, well you deserve what happens to you.
Experience talking.
>sound out her relationship goals
Oh you mean the girl who:
>She has been in a relationship with someone for years.
???
Nope, been down this road. She's leap frogging onto OP from her shitty relationship that she probably hasn't even broken off yet. So she's cheating on her boy with OP and OP is rationalizing it as "he's a manchild."
This isn't going to end well because the girl's character is shit. But hey, if you like giving shitty people chances to treat you like shit.. be my guest ~
