yesterday, i posted pic related. (bf in yellow, i'm in blue)
long story short:
>bf works at a shitty district night club where shootings happen. out of concern, i suggested he starts looking for a new one; he hates his job anyway. he's been giving me attitude since, which i did not expect...
last night he messaged me, and things seemed ok again. he mentioned how he understood why i said what i did in his text and that he was just frustrated. after his shift, we asked about each other's day and he mentioned his male friend jordan might sleep over. then it turned out he bailed, and i joked "haha ohh~ slumber party next time then :)"
then he abruptly said "sweet dreams xo" (unusual way of him saying good night) and haven't spoken to me all day. (also unusual of him) i haven't messaged him either because to be honest i wasn't sure what would be the wisest move.
should i let him message me first? i don't want him to think that i'll always come back to him when he's being pissy or let him think it's fine to treat me this way. and maybe he also needs more space and time to cool off.
or should i message first? maybe i should ask him what's up and if he's still mad at me about something? because i get he was stressed after i told him that, but i don't think he should stay mad at me for this long.
Oh god that was a cringy read.
You need to be 18 to post on this site
inb4 I'm in my twenties
God help you
>>17144399
It's possible your bf is a homosexual and you outed him.
>>17144399
Just message him. Dont play little games like omg is it okay to message first? Its your bf. message him. Its okay
Xox
>should i let him message me first?
Holy shit, you're a fucking moron.I hope your boyfriend breaks up with your dumb ass. How about you be an adult and properly communicate with him face to face.
>>17144443
Quints lost
>>17144443
Also a very good point, or maybe his side hoe isn't give him the attention he wants
>>17144399
>to treat me this way
...To treat you what way? The dude went to bed. The fuck?
OP, I am pretty repulsed by the way your bf communicates. My first thought was 'ew, what the fuck'.
He's lying to himself about the options he has with his debt and his work, and would rather cry about his problems than solve them. Also, if you live in the US, healthcare is free now and Obama will pay for his hernia surgery. So stupid to wait on getting it done, doesnt he realize it will cost 10's of thousands later if he lets it fester??
>>17144399
People who are lazy about being proactive with taking care of things in their lives are going to resent good advice about fixing things. It's what most relationship "experts" tell men: when a woman is complaining about her life, don't try to make suggestions about how to fix things, just be a sympathetic ear to let her vent.
Because offering suggestions on how to fix things is viewed as criticism.
Behave in the way you think you should behave though. I don't have a whole lot of tolerance for someone who keeps fucking up in the same way over and over again and just makes excuses for behavior they should know is fucked up.
At the same time, you need to realize something: if you want to "teach someone a lesson" or communicate someone, OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW. Don't play stupid games where they have to guess your intention.
You don't want him to think that you're always going to come back if he acts pissy? Then fucking tell him that. Don't withhold communication because that's what he's supposed to be guessing you're doing.
>>17144399
Seems like your boyfriend was in the right to me and you just got emotional.
By the way, just push the hernia back in, that's what I did.
>>17144399
>i don't want him to think that i'll always come back to him when he's being pissy or let him think it's fine to treat me this way.
What the fuck has he done that is in the slightest pissy or unreasonable to you? Unless he sent you a message saying "shut up dumb bitch" inbetween these then he's done absolutely nothing and the only one being unreasonable is you.
>>17145117
>Also, if you live in the US, healthcare is free now
Either you are not a US citizen or you are not responsible for obtaining your own healthcare because you have no fucking clue how healthcare works in the USA. The USA is not governed by a single set of laws and policies. Each state has its own laws and method of implementing "Obamacare" and that includes states that deliberately aren't passing along federal healthcare subsidies for their citizens. Subsidized healthcare is also not the same thing as "free" healthcare, and a hernia operation is not automatically categorized as "necessary" healthcare by an insurance provider.
I agree with you though that OP's boyfriend is looking to whine to a sympathetic listener, not looking for solutions.
>>17145117
>>17145144
I think you're confusing the girlfriend with the boyfriend
Your boyfriend is the one whom all these problems are affecting. He's stressed out and dealing with a lot, and even though you're just trying to help, understand that he's got way more incentive to resolve this issue than you do. So if it was really as simple as you're making it out to be, he'd probably be doing that.
Instead of making it all about you and getting butthurt over a completely baseless presumption that he's mad at you (seriously, where did that even come from?), remind yourself that he's going through a lot right now and needs your support. Not a saviour to solve his problems and make him feel stupid for the fact that he can't get out on his own, and certainly not a burden just keen to add 'girlfriend is mad at me for some reason' to his list of problems. Just support.
Instead of telling him what he should do, ask if there's anything he needs YOU to do that would help him. Listen and empathise, give him a safe place to vent without being judged.
Yes, it's frustrating when people don't seem to be taking obvious steps to solve their own problems. But it's also frustrating to be reminded what a pile of shit you're in mere hours before you have to go to work. He's right, even if there's no correct time to bring it up, that's a really terrible time to do so.
He's the one who has to deal with a dangerous job. You fearing for someone you love is not worse than that. This isn't all about you.
>>17144399
>It would have been one thing to talk about this on one of the last 3 days off, but I literally have to go into this place in 6 hours
He's fucking right, what the hell OP?
>>17145129
Funny thing is, I totally am ok with people wanting to just talk it out sometimes. And I am pretty proactive myself.
Op, just learn to deal with the fact that some people just like having somebody to vent frustration with because it's how they deal with things. Or don't. Do whatever you want.
Your boyfriend is a gigantic faggot. It bothers me that you wont fucking acknowledge this. Why do girls insist in staying with absolute joyless mongs when there are more opportunities out there? It's like you love wasted years with a shithead
Can someone please explain to me how OPs boyfriend is remotely in the wrong here?
>>17145145
Nope. OP is trying to suggest that the boyfriend do things to try to improve his situation. The boyfriend is resisting those. You might think the girlfriend is here to whine, but I'm going to take it at face value that she's actually asking for advice on what to do.
>>17145167
Because talking out a problem to figure out a plan on how to deal with it (and then dealing with it) is what proactive people do. It's not that I disagree with something like >>17145147, it's at some point, people need to stop complaining and looking for commiseration, and start trying to change things for the better.
>>17145219
I assume from reading this that the bf is constantly complaining instead of making a real effort to make things better. It's not that he doesn't have real problems (dangerous low paying job, debt, health issues) it's that all he does about them is complain and make excuses why he can't deal with them.
