19 year old kissless virgin who's never been in a relationship. Any general advice on how to get and maintain a relationship would be appreciated.
>>17143522
stop thinking about relationships the way you do, cuz at the moment you treat them like a hard to find appliance. you shouldnt be aiming for a gf. you should be aiming to find someone you have a good connection with. and in this day, specifically with your context, saying 'gf' doesn't imply that anymore.
advice
>dont just hit on a woman
its no secret that women are the ones who are approached, and they make decisions on which men to keep in their lives. that being said, desperately drooling over each and every girl as if they are a potential love interest is silly.
give yourself more value by not letting a woman sway you on first impressions alone. before you ever begin to say anything remotely flirtatious, talk to the girl. see what she actually acts like when you interact with her. have a normal conversation. if there isnt anything special there beyond her looks, friendzone her. or simply stop talking to her. you do not need to hit on each and every girl that looks good enough to be your partner.
doing this gives you more value, and the psychological effects are great. in addition, women will take you more seriously. instead of being 1 of 500 men in new york who went straight for the kill, you took the time to get to know them. whether it goes anywhere or not, this approach also just gives you practice talking to girls in a casual context. its less pressure than trying to impress them.
>>17143548
>only ever use dating apps as a supplement to your real life dating.
dating apps are toxic. consider the following
>people use dating apps because they arent having much luck in real life
>they go to a dating app where they are introduced to an entire smorgasbord of men who want nothing more than to bang and/or date them
>after just one day they will have seen everyone in their area
>within one week they would have talked to everyone they are interested in
so anyone who has been using the app for more than a few weeks clearly has some sort of issue. likely, they are the female equivelent of what i discussed in my first post.
they want a 'bf' but because they have a very specific idea of what a bf is, they arent finding it anywhere. instead of seeing if they have real chemistry, they are simply walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what is the ONE thing at the groccery store they can buy, based solely on pictures and labels.
if a woman is on tinder for too long, they are losing their ability to feel chemistry.
you as a man can fall into a very similar pattern here, but with the added harshness of constant rejection.
it is an app made for people who want to date, yet no one seems to have success there for very long. that should tell you something.
>>17143552
>but anon, how do i use it as a supplement to an existing dating life if i dont have a dating life.
effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.
the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.
so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.
go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.
you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.
its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.
>>17143560
>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!
and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.
Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.
>>17143548
Thanks. Any more advice on approaching a wymin? Sorry I'm sort of autistic when it comes to this kind of stuff.
>>17143568
just do it. all the fucking time. everywhere. you dont need to flirt. you dont need to trade numbers. just talk. even to the ugly ones. thats how you get better. i was like you until about a year ago i started talking to random people, mostly on the bus. it gets easier and easier each time. still feel anxiety beforehand but thats what makes it fun. be a thrill seeker.
just remember that if they shut you down your life is literally the same as it was ten minutes ago and nothing bad actually happened.
>>17143578
Bless you, anon
>>17143598
anytime anon. just remember not to hang up on the results.
also, it helps if you are attractive, so if you want to post a picture of yourself we can do some makeover advice.
>>17143548
Just happened to me
>see a girl i used to know a few years prior
>engage in coversation
>she has all the same interests
>text her for a few weeks
>start to really like her and confident she likes me
>feel truely happy for the first time in a while
>she could be the one
>go to ask her out
>find out a coworker of mind asked her out a day ago
>icantbreath.jpg
>she was perfect for me
>i dont know what to do with my life
>i feel depressed
Can anyone give me some advice as to what i should do? The guy who she just started dating shares all of the same interests that i do, and i doubt she will break up with him any time soon. When I texted her before we used to have great conversations, but now she just replies with one word answers. I feel alone, what should I do?
>>17143642
dont ever think anyone could be 'the one'. that is the dumbest shit. look at how relationships work, or rather, look at how they dont work. people break up. things happen.
sucks this girl was beat to the punchline but in the end it shows she wasnt THAT into you if she didnt even try the old 'im not sure right now' to see if you'd ask her out.
it sucks, but its life, if you ''dont know what to do with your life'' because a girl you talked to for a week (yes i know you knew her before but thats not relevant) doesnt like you, than you need to change your priorities.
life is not abotu getting a gf.
>>17143647
you dont look bad, you dont look great. you have potential. i know you probably hate doing this, but can you post a pictur eof you smiling? you have the ugliest stoic face i have ever seen, but when you get past that oyu seem like you'd be reasonably attractive.
your hair needs work. i dont think it even needs a cut so much as a little bit of styling gel. you look kind of evan peters and you can use that to your advantage.
as for clothes you look a bit weird in that. is that your typical style?
>>17143647
also those blemishes could be removedi f oyu invest in a little maderma and try that for 8 weeks. also consider getting micro dermabrasion (one month supply cost like 20 bucks on amazon) i just started it myself and its a good start, skins looking better. yours is better than mine, so it could do wonders.
but yeah smile, fix your hair, and switch up the clothes. if you dotn wokr out, consider doing that to. even if you arent super consistent, some small slow results are better than no results. especially 20 years from now!
>>17143666
Sorry, I'm not very photogenic.
Usually my hair is much shorter. I dislike using gel because my hair has a tendency to get greasy, and that just makes it worse.
I don't really have a style of dress. As long as what I'm wearing looks nice as an outfit, I'll wear it.
I'm already taking an acne medication called Absorbica. It dries my skin badly, so my dermatologist told me not to use any other medication on my skin.
>>17143769
never heard of it, but make suer you're using moisturizer of course. you dont look bad at all and your hair even looks nice in this picture. id try to find a different style. that shirt in paritcular doesn't seem to be working for you.
as for hair style, not all gels are created equal. if you have the money go buy 6 different brands of axe hair gel. i use cease fire at the moment, and its pretty good for just shaping my hair and letting the rest fall in place.
you're looking pretty good and wont do too bad. you'd do better wit hdudes thats for sure, but thats not really a 'choice' so you'll make do with women.
>>17143642
>>she was perfect for me
No one is perfect and there's no way of knowing this.
