depression
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
anyone else dead inside
>>17143119
You're not alone. Every morning I wake up wondering why I'm still alive.
number 3 reporting for duty
im not even depressed nor happy, its just neutral as fuck
i have no feelings
I am just so sad and have nobody to talk to. My problems are ridiculous. I need to call to this work place to ask for work on monday. I need to get the place so that i can finish school. But i can'tt even call there cause of anxiety and if i say about that to anyone they just say to man up (actually i am a girl) and that adults have to be able to call places. And if i manage to call i know i cant go there and if i go i want to kill myself cause i cant do it. I am 23 and others finished schools when they were 19 and i cant even do it. And tons of other stuff. I want to kill myself but i am afraid of hell.
>>17143177
There is no hell, so go ahead and end it.
>>17143179
What if there is? So scared. Are there alternatives to suicide? I don't use drugs or alcohol so maybe i could start and it would help me forget my depression
Let your self esteem fall low enough it will loop back around. you will have delusions about being more moral and respectable than others. Try it. it's great
I don't want to live.
And then I realize for all intents and purposes - I already am dead.
This cycle repeats every 15-50 seconds for the entirety of my waking life.
Sometimes, very rarely, something distracts me long enough to have a several-minute long lapse of that feeling.
I call it joy. People disagree, but this is joy to me. The blissful forgetfulness and ignorance of the fact, that I'm still alive.
I don't want to live...
>>17143182
Live and suffer, die and be at peace. The choice is yours.
I do a lot of drugs and drink a lot too, and it doesn't help.
im 22 and realizing i need to do something. i went to college or two years but left cuz i ran out of money. i've spent the last few years working in a factory. i used to smoke weed and drink everyday (alone) but ive cut back to just the weekend. i crave intamicy but cant really find it. i used to have friends when i lived in Louisville but i moved state when i was 20 so everyone i meet at work is some what established and doesnt want anything to do with me. im trying to better myself but i keep fucking up
Don't know what to feel, or am supposed to feel.
>>17143191
All the help i get is "you can do it :)". I will probably jump out of my window, I think 7th floor is high enough
>>17143239
Oh and, "don't worry about it :)"
"everybody has to work, don't take it so seriously :)"
if i was mentally ill i would be taken seriously. but now I am just some freaking shy girl who needs just some encouraging. I have already quit like five schools and two or three jobs. why won't even my family understand that it just isn't working out.
>>17143239
You're an idiot, you're literally still a child that hasn't got a fully develope brain, yet.
If you want to call someone, write exactly what you're going to say on a piece of paper beforehand. If you feel it's necessary, rehearse it.
Don't pity yourself, and don't listen to the advice of someone trying to get you to commit suicide, they are /b/ tier and probably too far gone for help if they aren't trolling.
>>17143248
Developed brain yet*
>>17143242
I don't know if I should go to speak to some doctor. Everybody thinks that I am just fine even when I tell them about my suicidal thoughts. It makes me even more depressed if I am just such shitty person that I am not even really depressed and this isn't even a real problem, I'm just not capable of being an adult. Well maybe I could go to doctor and if they say that I can't be helped and none of my problems are real then I could just kill myself.
>>17143119
>been depressed for as long as I can remember
>suicidal thoughts come and go regularly
>haven't actually attempted it
>feel like if I actually wanted to die I would've done it by now
So what is this? Melancholy? Ennui? Am I just a faggot?
>>17143510
For me its Existential angst.
My god. I always yearned for death. I always lived just so my family won't have to deal with my death. Always had hope of things geting better eventually. Found out recently I had 1 chance to make my life into best life possible. Blew it. Have to endure whole life of pain and regret. I want to end it already. Everyday I want something to accidentaly kill me. Maybe I will suffocate in sleep or car will kill me, or i will be stung by bee in throat or some madmen with gun will shot me down. FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT!
>>17143239
People have lived from the 9th. You don't want to end up cripple.
>>17143510
dysthymia
I ignore my depression now because there's no easy way to kill myself. I do close to nothing all day and I am basically good at nothing.
If I were good at something I would probably want to live, but some people were just born to kill themselves.
im just going through the motions of life but not living. i work fulltime and go to school partime and its just killing me. i dont go out cause it costs money.
My friend is and I am trying to help him. He won't go to a doctor what do I do?
As for me, I've been through the shit but I am keeping going.
No. Chose some healthy lifestyle habits and quit crying allover 4chan, you faggot.
I think there's something inherently wrong with me. I don't know how to explain it, but I've always just known I'm worse than other people. I barely passed school, and I don't have any head for business or working with my hands. I'm never going to have a good career. When I'm in social settings, I just hate myself. When my family asks me about girls I want to kill myself. Why would they even ask me? My genes are just bad, my life is just the painful process of garbage getting filtered out. Why wouldn't I be depressed? I fucking hate myself.
I have depression, I don't feel like doing shit and I also feel like shit about not doing shit
Occasionally I try to get up and do some shit but I'm never in the moment while doing it, I'm constantly worried and thinking about something, and when there's nothing to worry about, I'm anxious in anticipation for something to worry about
>>17143177
got a question, are you Asian?
I USUALLY feel dead inside. Seeing a dog cures this for a few moments but then it comes back. I tried to off myself before but I couldn't bring myself to cut deep enough so apparently despite being dead inside I don't want to actually be dead. DESU I'm afraid of no longer existing and being forgotten. At least if I'm still here I will notice and remember me, even if women, men, and my whole community doesn't.
People don't know because nobody would care except my immediate family god bless their souls and everyone else would feel awkward to hear this and would avoid me, therefore isolating me further. I wear a thick-banded watch every day to hide the scars. I think a lot of people would be surprised to hear this as from the outside I look like the happiest, most cheerful guy most of the time.
Yes.
I'm pushing middle age, and I've lived this`way most of my life. There really isn't much left of me, these days. If there's good I can do I'll push myself for a little while longer, but I have no problem ending my life. I'd also prefer to do so after my parents pass away, to avoid bringing them pain. Otherwise, I have most of my plan worked out.
>>17143170
Mind elaborating on why? I wouldn't mind feeling the same way.
>>17144663
>I'm pushing middle age
How old?
>>17143119
sometimes man, just getting up is a challenge but I just keep on reading novels, and do new things
find a way to make money etc not sure what's the cuase of your depression but keep trying I've been in a college for 10 years and still trying even thou I know I might get a F in both classes
>>17144681
39. Is 40 still considered "middle aged"?
>>17144687
I'm 38. Yes, 40 is middle age.
The way I look at it, I'm existing, not living. I thought about whacking myself. Just can't go through with it for similar reasons as you. I've been depressed pretty much my whole life and current stressors in my life make it worse.
>>17144687
You're middle aged until at least 55, I say this as a 19 Y/O so I'm not biased.
>>17144687
>>17144696
>>17144698
I stand corrected. The old definition of middle age was 40. They pushed it up to 45.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_age
>>17144696
I could have typed that myself. I can endure a lot (otherwise, I wouldn't lasted this long), but when everything goes wrong all at once and you're trying to juggle a half dozen problems alone on top of being mentally and emotionally crushed, the mind begins to crack. Though I doubt I have to explain this to you.
The worst thing for me isn't the depression and anxiety, or isolation, or stressors, it's the utter exhaustion from fighting it all for so many years. There really aren't words to express just how tired I am.
>>17144698
>>17144703
Still relatively young, then? Well, yay, I guess.
>>17144725
I don't know if you're the spiritual type or not. But something that gives me a level of comfort is knowing that people in ancient times also struggled with emotional issues and stressors. They made it through life despite their hardships and despair.
I'll read Ecclesiastes or Psalms sometimes.
>>17143119
A little less dead inside now due to new medication regimen.
Still on amphetamine, added high-dose L5MTHF+Bs.
Got my hands on betablockers and they seem to improve the anxiety a little. Much better than benzos, but not enough.
>>17143177 >>17143182
Go to a fucking doctor. Seriously, let me repeat it. Go to a fucking doctor.
It is their job to help.
I've been to 3 psychiatrists and 6 therapists and been on over a dozen medications and I'm still resisting the urge to kill myself. Other anons have similar stories.
Don't even think about suicide before seeing a doctor, for a lot of people the first goddamn medication or therapy they try fixes it.
>>17143242
>now I am just some freaking shy girl who needs just some encouraging
Imagine how the "shy" guys feel. Even my father basically just called me a pathetic, feminine pussy.
>>17144556
Yeah, there's something wrong with you. Low self-esteem is what we call it.
>>17144626
Out of curiosity, why did you choose your wrist?
Always wonder why people cut in visible places then make efforts to hide it.
>>17144766
It's been a long time since I considered myself spiritual, but I still sometimes draw from that well for a temporary boost - especially when someone's depending on me. I wouldn't call it a comfort exactly, but there is a kind of...strange connection. I suppose that's why I was drawn to this thread in the first place.
>>17144909
>Always wonder why people cut in visible places then make efforts to hide it.
Not that anon, and I can't speak for everyone, but for me it was mostly because the wrist is what first comes to mind when I imagine "cutting". In that state I really wasn't capable of much rational thought, so my brain reacted on the default choice.
