I have a nearly 4 year old nephew that lives with me, my brother uses me as free babysitting and works nearly every night. So I get to put him to bed some nights, other nights I'm not alone but the nights I am alone I have lots of time to observe his behaviors. Here are a couple points that I think are most important.
Note: I understand the nature of raising kids is subjective and usually is influenced by personal experiences. Please keep things civil.
Observations:
>the child will eye me periodically before doing something he isn't allowed to, such as throwing a toy or trying to climb on top of something.
>when asked to do something he will often just say no, shake his head, or laugh. If I move towards him he runs away screaming no and laughing at me.
>if he does something bad, throwing toys, hitting, or being 'mean' to the kitten he gets irritable and starts being mean and screams no while growling.
>if we ignore his bad behavior he will constantly try to get a reaction from us, by screaming, hitting, throwing stuff and my personal worst...slamming doors, opening them and screaming no. Then repeating.
>if we try to get him to do anything he does the opposite, if he has sticky fingers and we ask him to wash his hands, and not touch anything he instead touches everything at least once before playing with toys.
>other stuff. I asked him to put a pullup on for bed, then got a bedtime book, I turned around and he stared at me without touching the pullup and slowly spit onto the carpet. Before sitting down and screaming, singing and giggling out 'sit' which I assume means he can't make the sh sound and that I am also going to have to have a talk with whoever taught him that word.
Now the pediatrician said that some children are unruly until 5 or 6 but I don't know if I can handle his rude, mean, and often dangerous behaviors.
She also recommended spankings if he gets worse which we have tried, sparingly.
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Pic unrelated
>>17141684
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Spanking didn't help, if anything he didn't care and still acted the same. Some kids spankings help, some it doesn't.
Apparently he does nothing.
I have been babysitting, giving timeouts spending hours trying to get him to bed. Putting up with hours of him yelling at me. Saying he hates me, telling me he is a bad boy, saying he doesn't need to listen to me or saying he wants to kill me. I can't handle the constant stress of him being a sweet boy who likes iron man, to being a bundle of hellfire that hates me wants me to die and hits me.
Now a lot of the problem is that 2 weekends a month his mom gets him and we think she might be teaching him stuff, or letting him watch bad TV shows. Most of his comments we never hear until she drops him off and he goes wild and crazy.
Stuff we do to try and fix behaviors:
Button jar, he gets good job buttons which after he gets around 30 he gets a free toy.
If he is good we give him popsicles. Or small candy.
If he helps us, or is nice, polite we play outside at the park. With other kids.
We give him lots of positive reinforcement, rewards. Playtime. And anything he wants. But he just will not be controlled, and only does what he wants or he throws a fit..
I'm at the end of my rope and I just don't know what to do..can I have any advice on how to get him to be nice again.. At 2 years old he was the sweetest little boy ever. Now we can't take him in public without him causing a scene or being mean to someone.
Just any advice would work at this point.
>>17141684
>>17141739
SHOCK COLLAR
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Opie can't you stand up for yourself though? Your brother is USING you. To take care of a kid he doesn't want.
The child probably knows this and also knows that you aren't his real mom and is taking frustrations out on you.
I don't have a kid nor have I ever done any serious babysitting but how about just putting him away in a dark closet when he is consistently being a brat? Start with a warning then a second strike then on the third just put him in a dark closet for an hour so he can put himself to sleep? It just sounds like he has too much freedom and that he isn't being punished for his wrong doings seriously enough, therefore hes not taking any of it seriously.
>>17141819
>how about just putting him away in a dark closet
DO NOT DO THIS
DO NOT DO THIS
DO NOT DO THIS
Repeat
DO NOT DO THIS
Short of physically abusing the child, there is no surer way to fuck him up for the rest of his life than this.
Too many adult criminals had this done to them as small children.
>>17141684
I have two nearly four year old sons. The behavior you describe sounds a bit extreme but basically 4yo normal.
You have never spoken to a pediatrician about this. No pediatrician will ever recommend spanking--the American Pediatric Association concluded years ago that it is ineffective.
If your nephew exists, read a book called Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, Listen So Your Kids Will Talk. Good info about setting limits.
>>17141833
I had to cut words because I went over and didn't realize I cut the first part where the pediatrician referred us to someone else.
She referred us to a psychiatrist who specialized in early childhood development
She said that if the child was reacting to our verbal communications with physical contact the child may not understand why hitting is wrong and recommended that we should try small slaps on wrists of lightly spanking his bottom when he kicks or hits.
She then recommended we take him to therapy or bring him in to see her and she would observe him for a few hours.
Also thanks for book suggestion, I will look it up
>>17141809
Oh hey it's my dad...yeah I've had this discussion before, honestly though if I don't babysit there isn't anyone else who would. So although it's set my life back a bit being a full-time babysitter...its what I have to do. Also I hope he doesn't realize I'm not his real mom because he still sees her. And I'm his uncle.
>>17141831
Yes...I realized that might not be smart..don't worry
>>17141831
So how do you teach a child consequence when there is no significant punishment? take away his toys? don't let him watch tv? These small things don't do much and would only cause him to throw a tantrum. I'm thinking take away his freedom and isolate him so he can't be anymore disruptive or destructive. Ok so maybe the dark closet is bad idea how about an empty room with the light on.
