If a friend did something wrong, but they didn't really know it was wrong, can you be mad at them?
Like say, they didn't expect you to be offended, or they didn't expect a certain action to have certain consequences, can you still justify your anger? One of my oldest friends has been really pissing me off lately, but I honestly don't think he's doing anything to piss me off, but since it's either in my face or I know about it, it'll annoy me anyway. I risk looking like a bitchy asshole if I keep on bringing up certain things, but I feel I need to because otherwise I'm just gonna get paranoid or angry and become self destructive.
So basically, if someone didn't entirely know they were wrong, and presumably didn't actually intend to hurt anyone, can I be mad at them? Can I be mad at their lack of common sense? Should I just try and let go?
What happened anon- stop being so secretive about the sotuation on an anonymous message board. How the hell could anyone respond to something so vague.
>>17139870
couple of things here
>what are they doing?
context is key. tell us the context. one size doesn't fit all. it may be forgivable. they may just be willfully ignorant.
another thing
>its not an A or B situation
by which i mean there arent just two options. its not just
>blow up and be an asshole
or
>ignore it cuz he doesnt know
if he doesn't know, educate him. if he still does it, hes being an asshole.
>>17139870
It's not wrong if you don't tell them it's wrong, bring up that you don't feel comfortable with their behaviour, if they continue it after the fact, it's wrong.
>>17139894
>
>>17139893
Ok basically they got whipped on a girl, and got really close with her, and after 2 weeks of knowing her they got together. I told him this was a bad idea since there was just no way it would work - They had a year to spend before she goes to uni, so there's no genuine point. I was also annoyed because essentially I was playing third wheel and that shit was in my face, and he didn't seem to care about alienating me at all. They call off that shit after a day or so because they realised in the end it wouldn't work, and partly due to her already asking me if he's been seeing other girls and all that shit - She's a bit of a mess.
All is well, and I don't have to deal with that shit, but as it happens she's still around. We all go to sixthform together so we see each other all the time. She says she wants to move on and avoid us, yet she still walks home with us and shit all the time, which becomes annoying when you realise they're not meant to be together, but are still flirting and shit.
I feel I'm either out of the loop and I'm not being told everything, or this is simply antagonistic behavior.
I can understand he might have feelings for her, but basically after her telling me that she really needs to move on, and him apparently being apathetic to it all, them carrying this shit on in my face feels weird.
The reason it's actually annoying me now, is because I feel I'm being lied to in a way, and it's also how he'll act around her. I hate how he's still flirtatious, then he'll turn to me and berate me. We're really good friends so I don't mind but I feel that I'm almost being used as a tool for him to look good now, as in he's trying to impress her.
Sorry if this isn't coherent, I'm really just venting hard at this point.
>>17139894
Oh yeah, I should bring up the fact that I am telling him the shit he's doing is a bit questionable, but it's still happening. I'll admit, it's getting better, but it's still happening.
>>17139917
>these people trying to understand and sort out their feelings is offensive to ME cant they see its all about ME
this is what it sounds like. sure shes a bit annoying in general, but you are basically saying he is an asshole for dating a girl.
>theres no poiint to them dating
most relationships dont even last a year, so saying you shouldnt date cuz you only have a year is dumb. considering that 99.9% of relationships end in a break up, why is it bad to date for a year enjoying each other then moving on to do your own thing in life? by your logic no one in highschool should be allowed to date at all cuz they will inevitably go to different colleges.
life isnt about trying to limit yourself to one true love. dating is a casual field. we happen to find our 'true love' in whatever place we are happening to live. if we moved we'd find another.
point is that tthey can date for fun.
>he'll berate me
how so? this is the first thing you mentioned that is actually assholeish of him.
id tlak to him about it.
You're offended about a situation that has nothing to do with you huh? Why don't you but out and let them have their sleeting moment of love so that they might forge a bond and reconnect later in life? Stuff like that happens all the time. Frankly you seem like a jelouse clingy control freak.
>>17139934
It's not that she's annoying at all, it's just that it's literally never gonna end well. They have a year, and she's already basically accusing him of cheating and being distant. They don't know each other at all either.
She's really insecure, like I said, to the point where she was already accusing him. I wouldn't have cared about it at all if she wasn't coming to me asking shit like that.
>>17139936
I actually had no problem with them getting together. I told him that if it makes him happy I'm down for it, but don't alienate me or let anything happen to our friendship. I honestly do feel I might be a little clingy in a way, but fuck, I've known the guy for ten years.
>>17139950
i understand its annoying when a girl comes in and ruins things between two dudes. it sucks. i think its dumb that we spend our lives looking for a female to take us away from the people we've spent out lives with. within a matter of months they are suddenly 'the most important thing in the world' and we'd readily toss aside our life long friendships to cater to them. and then we act all surprised when that women leaves us. like it hasnt happened to literally every other relationship.
but your best friend succumbs to that. talk it out, see what you can salvage, but the issue at hand here is your friend is being an asshole. if you tell him that and hes still an asshole, then you are not in the wrong. you are not a bad person for asking him not to bully you on aregular basis. but you are perhaps in an abusive relationship with your brofriend.
>>17139966
He doesn't bully me, it's just that in that specific case I was saying nothing at all, especially nothing negative, and if I'd point something out he'd make a smartass comment at my expense. I don't normally mind it, but since I wasn't doing anything to deserve it, and it felt like it was to impress her, I naturally got annoyed.
>>17139973
>he didnt bully me
>he just makes comment at my expense
>which is a lot like bullying, except i wont define it as such for reasons
its bullying. its being mean. its being rude. hes bullying you. dont want to use the word, fine, but you're missing the point.
call him out as often as you need. leavei f he doesnt stop cuz that shits messed.
>>17139950
It happens anon. Esp around college. People grow apart and start living life abd its fine. Don't be the force that drives you apart, if it happens just let it. It'll make the times you guys reconnect later in life way better- but ttying to keep a constant link will eventually poison your friendship. Growing up means growing away from childhood tendencies and becoming independent and exploring. Sorry to be crass before but rip that bandaid off anon it'll hurt less later. I'm not telling you to disown your friend i'm telling you that you guys have your own paths to walj abd its ok if they deviate. You love your friend and don't want to loose him to something as trivial as somone just passing through his life temporarily- thats understandable.
>>17139980
Nah he really doesn't bully me, we're really close, and usually I'm just as much of an ass. I explained already that in this case it was me being silent.
Call it banter.
>>17139981
This is good advice. Thank you. I need to live for myself more than I need to live for friends.
Oh yeah, another point I should make is that he's not completely ignoring my advice. I have told him about this shit and he does agree with me, but it still carries on. It's improved, but it's still there. I just want to put it all to rest, and I'm here wondering why we're still with her if he's meant to not be with her at this point. It's really confusing and antagonistic - probably unintentionally so, but still
>>17139986
Dude wants to get laid, respect that. Sometimes hormones drive actions subconsciously, even if its self destructive or seemingly pointless. Sort of like Ron shwanson in parks and rec.
>>17139999
That's why I'm thinking that I can't be mad at him. Even if it's stupid, you can't blame a good brother for letting his emotions take hold of him, especially when it comes to love. Thing is though, it's not really love cause they barely know each other, and if it is just for him to get laid, don't do that shit in my face and make me a third wheel for it.
>>17140003
Dude, guide the cock, don't block it.
So he's making a fool of you in front of somobe you consider nonessential? So he might pork her later?
Think about it, does that really matter? Isnt that worth take a few 'hits' for the team? Or is your ego so fragile?
It isn't bullying, its playful jesting to make her laugh so he can get in her pants. A pittle bather isn't really so detrimental is it?
