>>17139860
He's stressed and took it out on you because you're available.

>>17139860
You did nothing wrong. He sounds like a real pain in the ass. He's a very poor communicator. That being said, he's obviously stressed out and has a lot of complex problems to dig out of. None of the stuff you two talked about in that exchange are things you can help him with, unless you magically had a few thousand dollars to give him. And even then, I'd call you nuts to do that. I hope you don't plan on marrying this guy until his financial shit is completely solved. You don't want those horrible marks on your credit or affecting your ability to succeed.

Give him some space and only bring it up again if he asks for advice. If he's just venting, do what you'd do for a girl friend and let him vent. Do the standard "I'm sorry, I know it's hard" sort of shit. He seems like the kind of person who likes to bitch and moan but doesn't want to hear real solutions. So don't give him any.

>>17139867
should i have not brought that up at all? i don't know how to handle this and it sucks watching him suffer and complain. i just want to help him out

Stereotypical relationship problem, but genders reversed.
He wanted you to listen to him and comfort him, he wasn't asking for help solving it. Just emotional support.

>>17139874
No you couldn't have known he'd react like this. He's just going through a bad time, don't take it personally. Though if this becomes a regular thing I'd get out.

>>17139873
What an asshole.

>>17139860

you did fine. you offered solid real advice. same advice i give to people who hate their jobs here. but they always say

>ITS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO JOB HUNT WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE A JOB

your boyfriend is trapped in a loop unfortunately and he doesnt realize the only way out is to take another job.

>>17139860
To me it looks like he did not have a huge reaction, but that he was aware he cannot deal with the question yet. If he does not open the question up later on, does not want to discuss it week+ later, then yes, he is being irrational, but right now he is keeping the topic open, just postponing. Anyway, thumbs up for talking openly with each other, hope you get through this

>>17139873
marriage is far from my mind with him at his current state...

i love him very dearly, and he has great character and treats me very lovingly otherwise... but i'm not sure if i can stay with him much longer if he'll be stuck in this loop without wanting to improve his situation. he has told me right from the beginning, how he wants to be happier but "needs a bit of encouragement" and a "push", which is want to do for him, but when he reacts like this, i just don't know what he wants...

>>17139877
i guess so. it's just that, he's been complaining about this for as long as i can remember.

>>17139878
well this is the second time i've brought this particular issue up with him. (been together 11 months) the last time, he apologized and actually went to try and sort out his debt issues. (only to hit a wall i guess)

i guess i'll see how he reacts this time after wards. i don't expect to hear a text from him for the rest of the day though...

>>17139889
well thanks, it's good to know i wasn't being too pressuring on him... i know it's a sensitive topic for him but i just think he needs to face the reality of the facts sometimes.

>>17139892
no, but he's obviously in a bad mood now though... which i try not to escalate. thanks, i guess i'll just wait and see what happens.

You 110% did the right thing. If he can't find the time to look for another job, especially when he's only working 4 days, that is his problem. Looking for a job when you already have a job is easy, looking when you're unemployed and the savings are running out is much harder.

Also working at a night club with a hernia? Jesus fuck, get the sick pay and go to the doctor. Get obamacare or whatever it is if you're in the US. It will cause long term damage if left untreated. His employers would not be happy if they found out he is working and not in a fit state to do so either.

>>17139953
>Jesus fuck, get the sick pay and go to the doctor. Get obamacare or whatever it is if you're in the US
we live in canada, and i guess the surgery still costs money. (probably to bump yourself up the wait list) i don't know too much about it.

his co-workers are aware but there aren't any health benefits or stuff like that. it's like working at a glorified mcdonalds.

really makes me sad knowing that he spends most of his day off playing video games or watching tv for hours. even in the 6 hours he has left for work, he could be writing up his resume or something...

i think he's mostly afraid to make any changes...

>>17139979
not that guy but I thought canada had free healthcare like europe. its sad to hear its corrupt like the usa. but it's true he needs to get the hernia fixed asap. they can rupture internally or start internal bleeding and then shit gets really bad (as in hours from death)

>>17139860
are you guys in an actual relationship or is this just one of those fake long distance things where you guys only talk through instant messages and text messages?

>>17139988
yikes... yeah the last time he had the opportunity to get his hernia fixed, he started having a panic attack and bounced before they could perform the surgery. i don't know how long ago that was, but he's definitely overdue...

i've always kind of worried about that... i have no idea how bad it could be at his current state, but he still has to move around constantly and carry heavy things at his job...

>>17139992
we are kind of long distance, he's about an hour away from where i live by cab. i visit him about twice a month, since i'm kind of tight on cash myself and have been on the job hunt.

>>17139900
Meh it's fine, dub dubs. Just let him have his man period.

link to shooting article?

>>17140010
http://www.thespec.com/news-story/6552999-club-seventy-seven-bouncer-shot-and-killed-outside-the-downtown-bar/

has the most detail on the event so far.

I'm surprised this even warrants a thread.

you did nothing wrong. he didn't flip his shit and explained exactly why it "felt" to him that it was a bad time to bring up that valid advice you brought up. i take your side that even if you bring it up at the end of this 3/4 days of work that he'd still not want to hear it. but now you can bring it up then and he has to come up with a new excuse why its hard and you can try to point it out that its just hard to deal w/ finding a new job but its never ez and he has to do it.

you didn't push him too far. he wasn't irrational just isn't coping well with his own life situation but you already know that.

gl

>>17140031
i guess i'm just looking for some insight on what i can do in instances like this. he complains about his job quite often and i don't feel good just sitting there and letting him wallow in his despair. for a couple of reasons, it deters my faith in our relationship knowing he's not willing to improve his situation. but at the same time, i don't want to cause him any more stress.

thanks that's a good point that i could try though the next time he tries to make an excuse.

>>17140056
the thing is, your taking on an unusual gender role. he expects you to just be all lovey and supportive not to offer logical advice bc most females don't do that.

you can be up front with him, remember his initial emotional response doesn't matter. what matters is how he feels after he sleeps on it and thinks about what you've said. he's in a rough spot and having a rough time, his emotional responses are going to be shitty right now almost always.

just level with him. say all this complaining about his job makes you want to talk about getting him out of the situation bc that's the real solution. so him being mad about talking about gtfo'ing his job situation is a dead end for you and very frustrating. it makes you wonder what the point of the conversation is.

take it from there. be open to hearing what he's feeling and has to say but also just draw the line, you aren't ok with listening to complaints for the sake of complaining if he isn't willing to actually do anything to get out of this situation.

>>17140072
thank you, that's some pretty solid advice. i'll keep this in mind when he brings it up again and see how he reacts.

>>17140100
just remember it always helps to remind him that the /only/ reason you care and are engaged and involved is because you care about him and want him to be happy so you both can be happy together etc etc.

hope he can continue to be man enough about it to not take shit out on you or be mean when he's reacting poorly and even better he can hear the truth and logic of what you are saying and start fixing his own shit.

>>17140030
>hip hop nightclub
how are the 90s?

>>17140126
again, thanks anon. i hope so too... it's really for his own good.

Texting is such a poor excuse for communication. The least you can do if you want to talk to somebody is give them a phone call.

Kek, who cares if he was about to go to work? If someone told me my job was shit a minute before I was out the door to work...if they texted me my job was shit while I was working and I read it, I'd be okay with that. People are weird

>>17139860
Leave him and go out with me bb. I'll be good 2 u.

:v)