Hey guys, so my mom got voluntold by my aunt to host a baby shower for my pregnant cousin. No big deal, except they are planning to have about 100 guests.
What the fuck. This will take place in Peru (We are organizing it from the US and then travel to Peru for the baby shower and birth in July) but to me this is just bananas. I think it's ridiculous to expect my mom - and by extension my sister and me to foot the bill for a 100 person party just because my aunt wants to. I just found out how many people they have in the guest list so far today, so I haven't talked to my mom yet, but does this seem fair?
100 people baby shower? why? they say it's because they want to invite all this extended family that would be "hurt" if they aren't included, which I think is bullshit. The wedding can include that, but not the baby shower right?
Check with the aunt the difference between 100 guests and 100 invitations. It is true that certain people will be offended and upset if they are not sent an invitation at all. An expectation of them actually attending is quite another thing. I don't even think there would be a gathering venue and accommodation for 100 people.
I would say that about ~30 people is reasonable for a baby shower in a large family, especially if they have to travel overseas for it. Have you spoken to your mother about it? Basically since you guys got voluntold, respond matter of fact to the aunt that the fixings will only be enough for 30. Chances are, only 15 odd will show up and you will be left with piles of food.
>>17136945
thanks for the reply,
in Peru extended family rolls a bit differently, for example last year we hosted a large party to celebrate my grandma's 80th birthday, and invited 120 guests and asked them not to bring kids and in the end we had 140 adults + 10 kids so we were scrambling for tables and chairs and food for everyone. Family friends invite other family friends or people that weren't invited hear about the event and assume it's open invitation and just show up, that's just the way it goes over there, with my mom's side of the family anyway.
So yeah I like your idea of setting up the limit to 30 straight up, and if she says "but i have a list of 100" then ask how she'd like to pay for the accommodations of the other 70, pay for a bigger venue, etc.
Who should take priority in a baby shower? the mom's friend, or family (aunts)?
>>17137009
I think your family is just shitty. If the mother wants 100 people that just means she wants 100 gifts for her/her baby. Your mom should tell her to fuck off.
>>17137009
Well considering a baby shower is a bullshit political giftfest, the people who take priority are the people who bring gifts to said baby shower. To not to put too fine a point on it, in weddings/baby showers/et al, you're supposed to make up for the cost of hosting these things with the gifts it brings.
Like, I don't fucking care if it is your mother's village custom of inviting the entire mountainside for every family occasion. I am sure that your grandmother did not receive 70 gifts (assuming that each adult was a +1). I am pretty sure these other people will be moochers and leechers as well, and part of the reason this bullshit perpetuates is beacuse your aunt and cousins also partake of this bullshit.
I also rather get the feeling that since your mother can't actually organise anything like that herself on account of the fact that your immediate family is in the US and the location of this shower is in Peru, your aunt is in a very underhanded manner just asking for a lot of money from your mother. It will eventually devolve into your aunt doing whatever the fuck she wants and your mother footing the bill for it. In short, I recommend that your mother abdicate her voluntold position, give your aunt $500 and NOT go to Peru.
>>17137024
This. I've never heard of something so ridiculous.
Just tell your aunts to mind their own business.
No shitty excuses about culture or customs and how you're not supposed to go against it.
