What have I done..
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
THE LUBE HAS WORN OFF
I HAVE A PENCIL STUCK IN MY ASS
HELP
ALSO IT'S NOT THE SHARP PART
I DON'T HAVE FUCKING AUTISM
BUMP
THE PAIN
THE FUCKING PAIN
BUMP
MY CHAIR ALMOST FELL
IF IT DID THEN MY ASS WOULD BE IMPALED BY A PENCIL
MY LIFE IS GOING TO SHIT
nice caps locks, how far is it wedged up there, you can't just pull it out?
go to a hospital, they deal with this kind of shit all the time
HELP ME PLEASE
PLEASE ANONS
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR
>>17135396
can confirm
t. watched scrubs
>>17135396
IT'S HALF WAY IN
I CAN'T PULL IT OUT OR IT'LL TEAR MY ASSHOLE
I DON'T HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE
Just take a shit bro
>>17135413
oh ok
>>17135406
This is going to be difficult, but you'll need to relax your ass basically. That's the only way this is coming out. Take some deep breaths, start to relax the muscles down there...
Just stay calm. I know that's next to impossible, but that's what you have to do.
Also do you have any lube left you could work with?
>>17135406
what the fuck do you mean you don't have medical insurance, do you not understand how obamacare works? If you're poor you get the insurance FOR FREE. If you're almost poor you get the insurance for really cheap. You're an idiot lol.
Oh and protip: a hospital can't repossess medical care, when they send you a bill just don't pay it.
>>17135417
It's all gone.
Literally the closest things I have to it is some jello in my fridge and hair oil.
>>17135419
How the fuck am I supposed to sit down and sign up for insurance WHILE I HAVE A PENCIL HALFWAY UP MY ASS?
>>17135428
Calm the fuck down. You're out of lube, got it. Focus on relaxing your muscles. Slowly manipulate the muscles in your ass, and find a way to very slowly pull the pencil out as you do it. This shit is going to hurt, but it can be done. Just take it easy.
Oh and for God's sake, get some fucking insurance after this.
>>17135421
Oil? Petroleum jelly? Soap? Anything?
sit on the toilet and try to shit, if this doesnt work squat and push like youre birthing out your ass
next time dont put anything up your ass that doesnt have a base or a string
>>17135381
Emergency room. I don't care if it's embarrassing
>>17135631
Butter might work?
>>17135419
This. Just fucking go to the hospital.
>>17135406
>I DON'T HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE
First of all you gotta relax. Getting stressed makes it worse. Now do this:
1. Lie on your stomach and slightly raise your hips so your ass is elevated a bit.
2. Get a sheet of white paper and pass it behind your ass and grip it from both sides.
3. The paper is behind the pencil, now bring the paper into contact with the pencil.
4. Now clench and relax your ass muscles, this should make the pencil wiggle and you should feel the resistance very slightly. If it hurts apply less pressure with the paper.
5. Do this for 5 minutes. The pencil should wriggle itself out.
6. If not, crawl to street and sell your ass-art.
7. Go to hospital - pay bill with ass-art earnings.
>>17135421
I feel like somehow the answer lies in the Jell-O.
>>17135381
Keep pushing it in, it will then trigger a reflex and come back out.
>>17135880
>Steps 6 and 7
>Mental image of someone drawing street caricatures with an ass pencil
You have broken me anon, I might never stop laughing
Why didn't u use ur finger dummy
>>17135880
He could be this generation's Pablo PicASSo
>>17136046
Funk you carlos
>>17136046
I wonder what happened.
>>17137997
Is OP well now?
>>17138006
NO I'M NOT ASSHOLE, I HAVE A FUCKING PENCIL STUCK UP MY ASS NOW TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
>>17135419
nice joke about the obamacare. I tried signing up and making under $10,000 a year they want $250 a month for the cheapest plan.
>>17135381
Just pull that bad boy out. Grip and tear.
>>17138044
get medicaid idiot
>>17138011
pull it out and be crowned king of england
>>17138091
d e n i e d
>>17138097
this is what you get living in a red state, hope the guns you can't even afford were worth it
>>17138100
Liberal Douche
>>17138100
Faggoty ass Bernie supporting democuck
>>17138100
kys
>>17138100
I really hope that you quit being a liberal fag, grow some fucking balls, and actually listen to the fucking news. I bet you failed school fuck
>>17138100
Faggert
>>17138168
>>17138175
>>17138179
>>17138180
samefag
>>17138168
>>17138175
>>17138179
>>17138180
why?
if you can't come up with an argument just don't post
