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Anonymous
2016-05-12 05:19:20 Post No. 17135369
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Anonymous
2016-05-12 05:19:20
Post No. 17135369
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Hey /adv/
So in the past month my life went from pretty alright to absolutely fucking garbage.
>Living with dad and fiance
>have shitty job but it makes the bils and has a nice atmosphere
>dad says corny jokes and is my closest relative
>relationship is great
>live willingly with father, he is not health savvy enough to live on his own
>but we are peas in a pod
>april 19th
>dad comes home acting strange
>dial 911
>paramedics come
>"i dont want to die anon"
>"you wont dad"
>paramedics ask me to leave
>they tell me he died
>last words i said to him were a lie
>cant afford rent anymore so have to live with astranged mother
>she is trying to be close to me but its only weird and uncomfortable given our past
>father gets cremated
>ask to get small amount of ashes in specific urn for me
>rest will be in mosoleum
>go to cremation office to pick up small portion in nice urn
>gives me ALL of the remains
>"sorry anon you have to take all of it, just deliver it to the cemetary yourself"
>carry my dad in a box out to the car
>"how does it feel to be holding your dad in a box" my mother says
>feel my soul leave my body
>dads ashes now sit in my living room
>right next to where my mother put a mattress down so i can sleep
>cant sleep
>put on weight cause depressed as fuck
>fiance gets horny
>havent had sex in over a month now
>lost all drive for art which i used to love
>starting to fail at my job
>boss knows my dad died and is trying to be sympathetic
>but i have no drive anymore
>cant blame them for being annoyed with me
>go to doctor for anxiety medication
>beg her for it
>"no no go to this psychiatrist they will perscribe it"
>have absolutely no motivation or willpower to do this
>panic attacks near constant
Now i lay here, with the only relative i loved dead, no house, listening to my mom have sex, have an unsatisfied fiance, and im getting fat.
Life is garbage guys, im pretty fucking over this life.
Post ending in dubs decides if i off myself.