I've been with a girl 6 years now. I was planning on proposing to her soon. I had not cheated on her during our relationship. She was always open to me flirting with girls as she thought it was healthy. Last Saturday I got drunk and kissed a girl. 3 second kiss...no one really noticed. I never got her number and was not planning on pursuing her. Since I wanted our relationship to be honest and open I decided to tell her what happened. I told her Monday night and she FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT. It seemed like she was having a nervous breakdown. She started referencing some past instances where other boyfriends had cheated on her. She left and I haven't heard from her since Monday...well but 2 texts that said pretty much nothing.
Our relationship was rock solid until this time...I believed. I am 33 and she is 30; if that makes a difference.
What the hell to think?
Well... technically you cheated. If she takes you back she's never going to trust you to flirt with other girls again.
Let her cool off and give her space while she decides how she feels about your fuck up.
I don't know, I'm pretty suspicious of people who don't mind flirting and stuff. I guess she was only pretending to be a "cool girl".
>>17133383
Was she actually okay with you flirting with other girls? Maybe she only said she was because she was afraid of losing you if she seemed too controlling. Then you kissing another person crossed the line.
>>17133398
I don't disagree with you...I was totally wrong and fucked up. I just don't think cheating is a black and white issue. So she allows me to flirt and dance with girls. But then I kiss one...one time and tell her about it. I don't think that is grounds for the end of a relationship...which she declared right away.
>>17133406
of course it's not black and white
but you did technically cheat, so she is justified in freaking out a bit.
>>17133405
I think she was. More back story...she always wanted threesomes with other girls. And we had one. Shes watched me fuck another girl. And she always wanted me to find another girl. So flirting was fine.
So you cheated and she doesn't want to be with you anymore. What of it?
>>17133383
well you shouldn't have done that, you should be smart enough to not put yourself in a situation where something like that would happen.
she has every right to be pissed bro.
the thing is there is always the opportunity to cheat, she has it, you have it. not cheating is about respect and self control, so one of those things is missing for you.
idk man sometimes stuff like this breaks trust and that can break a relationship.
>>17133415
Useless comment...
>>17133413
>And she always wanted me to find another girl.
Wut?
>>17133421
For a threesome...
OP Here...for those of you consider kissing cheating...which is everyone...Do you also consider dancing or flirting with someone cheating? if not, why?
And what's a bit more concerning to me is you trying to justify it rather than accepting what you did was wrong
It was wrong. There is nothing to diminish that. There is no reason she has to accept it and move on, no matter if she wanted a threesome or was OK with flirting in theory. This is different, it was behind her back and was physical.
>>17133418
No it's not. What do you want us to do about it? What advice do you want? You cheated and she dumped you for it. You're single now, that's what to think.
>>17133431
If you don't have anything useful...why say anything at all?
>>17133430
When did I justify it? I know what I did was wrong...that's why I told her.
Let me ask a direct question...Does this act quality the relationship to be over? In your opinion...not from the girls point of view.
>>17133436
So you just want us to tell you that you did nothing wrong. Okay.
You fucked up your relations, get over it. "I was drunk" is no excuse
>>17133429
What is a relationship to you? Why would you be doing all that? It sounds like he was trying to play it cool to not seem clingy and it was fine if she was included (threesome) but you crossed the line by going behind her back.
>>17133406
Ok but when did she tell you it was okay to kiss them? I'm guessing never.
>>17133413
Well obviously its different when she gives you permission first.
>>17133429
Don't ask us. Its about what your partner considers cheating. You guys should have those boundaries established by now.
>>17133439
>does cheating a good reason to break up
Yes, almost objectively yes.
>>17133441
Telling you that I was drinking was for context...not an excuse. you read that wrong...and made up a quote.
>>17133439
well no, she could forgive you and things would go back to normal.
Of course it's a good reason, as >>17133448 said. But no you aren't irreparably broken as a couple yet.
>>17133429
it doesn't matter what i consider cheating. that's beyond the point.
your girlfriend set boundaries (implied or explicit idk), you crossed them. you violated her trust.
she could have set them at flirting or anal or w/e it doesn't matter.
i know swingers and for them as long as certain bounderies aren't crossed they dont think its cheating. but if they were to fuck another guy/girl behind there partners back then that would fall outside of their acceptable boundaries and therefore be cheating
feel me?
>>17133448
Thank you for answer.
>>17133383
I don't think you're getting married. If you are it's going to be horrific.
bye.
OP here...thank you for your answers. All answers did help me a bit. Sorry if I can across as augmentative. I will try not to act that way in front of her.
>>17133468
Assuming she wants to see you again.
>>17133481
again..a dick comment. what motivates you to do this?
>>17133484
Because she's not talking to you. And if you can't handle people being *mean* go elsewhere.
>>17133491
Just because an individual doesn't communicate doesn't mean that all communication are over for ever. How old are you? Maybe I should discount some of this advice.
>>17133499
Come back here in a few months and tell us that it all turned out fine
>>17133503
Ok, how can I contact you?
>>17133511
make a new thread?
It's the same 8 people in every thread
>>17133383
A kiss is cheating you fuck. That's why she flipped out, as she should
Look, you need to get a grip. You did something that violated her trust. She was FINE with you having threesome because she was present and consenting. She is fine with you dancing and flirting with other girls because she likely sees it as lighthearted. She is NOT fine with you kissing other women. End of.
You need to talk to her if you want to salvage the relationship, not come online and try to get people to massage your wounds when she's the one who got hurt.
Chicks who let their men """innocently flirt"""" and go to titty bars are femcucks waiting to happen. This thread is proof.
>>17133429
>OP Here...for those of you consider kissing cheating...which is everyone...Do you also consider dancing or flirting with someone cheating? if not, why?
It greatly depends on the type of dancing and how heavy the flirting is (and if it's repeated with certain individuals). But what I think doesn't really matter, because I'm not your ex-girlfriend. Boundaries are different for everyone and for every relationship.
>>17133439
>Does this act quality the relationship to be over? In your opinion...not from the girls point of view.
That's completely up to your girlfriend. If she wants it to be over, then it's over.
>>17133568
No, this is dishonorable. OP, buy a belt and a knife. Color the knife red, buy some green rat poison or something, and rub the top with it until the top of the knife is green. Then, color the belt in alternating blocks of red and black and make tiny cuts in between each block. When you see the guy, slash the knife at him back and forth twice while yelling "dd spec". Then, whip him a few times with the belt until he's on the floor. Yell "gf", loot his body, and walk away.
Bonus if you can eat an entire shark and drink a vial of yellow milkshake during the fight.
>>17133383
few reasons:
probably didnt give a fuck if you flirted with girls because
1-flirted with guys
2- didnt give a fuck about u
3- tried to impress u in not being a crazy bitch
4-thought the relationship was strong enough to not need to talk to opposite genders
