Gay 20 some year old here. Everyone is so sex/open relationships/poly positive in my social group and it makes me really uncomfortable. I don't feel like I'm a prude, but I only really have romantic or sexual feelings for one person at a time, and I get jealous and feel bad when someone I'm into has sex with other people as well. It seems to me to devalue sex and our relationship.
I like the people I hang out with, but none of them seem to understand where I'm coming from at all. The person I'm currently into said he doesn't understand jealousy, even.
Should I find new people to hang out with or what? Is there any hope for me as a homo seeking monogamy?
And to that end, what do you think about poly or open relationships? I hear they work for some, but personally, every instance of it I've witnessed stems from some insecurity or lie, and I know first hand it can really hurt.
>>17131054
All this open/poly shit is today's kids justifying being a slut.
yeah you just have to find new friends.
>>17131054
I know exactly where you're coming from OP. I don't think that I'd be able to handle a crush/SO having sex with other people. I'd feel jealous and betrayed too, and I think that's okay.
People argue that, because of the reliability of contraceptives and STI prevention/treatments, monogamy is a dated concept, and that we have to move forward as a culture by accepting that polygamy is the future. I guess there's probably some truth in that, but I just can't accept it either. I really like the idea of mating for life and sticking it out with somebody that I've got a real history with, so I think I'm going to hold onto it despite what others say.
I think another part of the conversation that's missing here is just that, most people who advocate for monogamy just don't bother preaching it, because it's still the norm by a huge margin. There are lots of really good reasons to be monogamous, even if lots of people paint it as an inevitable decision to become bitter toward your SO.
>>17131084
this
when you take the intimacy out of sex you don't have a relationship you have a fuckbuddy.
and thats more or less what they want.
i feel like meeting some gay guys that aren't on the sexual liberation bandwaggon is going to be tough dude idk what to tell you.
>>17131054
gay, 23, poly here. i mean i only romantically date one person at a time, but i make it very clear i have sex with other dudes at the same time and appreciate when they do to. that being said, i date very rarely. i think people are more hoping to find romance then they are actually experiencing it. i catch feelings once every 2 or 3 years it seems.
as for you there is hope. plenty of monogamous gays left in the world, but the form of the gamy doesn't really dictate whehter or not you will have chemistry. try to pursue people you like. you might forgive certain things, so maybe try to forgive this if you REALLY like someone. but dont force yourself if you're uncomfortable either i suppose.
as for your friends, does it matter? im literally the only person i know who doesn't smoke pot. and im the only person i know who drinks like 1 or 2 beers a month. you arent dating your friends after all.
eh I don't think poly stuff is too healthy especially with things like stds.
>>17131094
He's a 20-something queer looking for monogamy. New friends are just going to change the faces in the fuckpile he's mad about.
>>17131156
with the exception of herpes and hiv, all STDs are curable or you can vaccinate against them. HIV now has truvada, which gives you 99% protection against HIV (which is safer than using a condom).
considering condoms only protect 40% against herpes, and 1 out of 5 people have herpes (people, not gays) and 4 out of 5 people don teven know it cuz they dont show, herpes isnt something to worry about too much.
dont get in line for the gangbang, but worse case scenario, you get an out braek a year for a few years, then one every few years, and by the time you're into old age its only the occasional little bumps here or there.
herpes wears down fast with medication
>>17131054
Yes, you need to find new people to hang out with. Have you tried online dating? I heard that gay guys have some of the best and healthiest long-term relationships so I'm sure the right person is out there for you
>>17131165
>>17131229
I'm just saying, the gay community has never been especially monogamous and the trend today is even more aggressively towards poly. Might he find love? Sure. Would I bet on that love not wanting to hit the back room at Touche every now and again? Nope.
>>17131235
i wasn't disagreeing, that was the closest thing to a 'lol' reaction image i could find.
i dont think OP needs new friends either, though mostly just cuz hes not dating his friends. or at least he shouldnt be.
