It's been almost a year since me and my ex-girlfriend had a sudden breakup. June marks the month. My life after that has been pretty good so far (for coming out of a year and a half long relationship), I tried not to let depression or sadness lead me.
Straight after the breakup, I was confused and kind of scared. I tried to reconnect with her because I realised it felt to me like we had made a mistake. All of this led to me being blocked on everything, except whatsapp. In August, she was ready to talk things out because I wanted to.
I moved in in the apartment next to hers, so we basically lived together from April to October 2015. We broke up in June 2015. You can imagine that this leads to unwanted situations. I noticed that there was a guy coming around to her place a lot in August. Felt pretty shit.
Anyway, those two are in a relationship now. In the past year, I started experimenting with/doing drugs more (I take LSD and other psychedelics regularly), lived the party life, as my old roommate gave me some solid advice: "The only way to get over her, is to get under somebody else". I tripled the amount of bed partners I've had since then. When I was 19, before my relationship, I had 3. Now I'm 21 and I'm at around 9. I've been seeing a very nice and kind girl for about half a year now.
The thing is, I get the feeling that I'm not over my ex yet. I tried blocking her out of my head, but she appears in my nightmares (Let's call them nightmares). I haven't spoken to her since August, but I ran into her on the train about a month ago. We very briefly talked, she commented on my beard, I told her that I looked like shit as I just got back from a party in the main city nearby. That's all irrelevant. We are over. Maybe some part deep inside me doesn't want it to be over, but I have to accept it. Which I thought I did.
cont.
cont. from OP.
She was my first serious love, and she trampled my heart like this. The fact that she engaged in a new relationship, probably through tinder or some shit, only two months after we broke up, cut the scars even deeper. I thought we had something real. The day before we broke up, she even texted me "When will I see you again? I miss you. I love you.". And then, boom.
I struggled to start out relationship at first because of fear of commitment or something. But this breakup made it come back, and stronger than ever. I feel that this is unfair to the girl I've been seeing for six months now. I told her about the situation, and she is okay with me not wanting to go further yet, but it feels like I'm wasting both her time and mine. We have great sex and fun times together, but I'm too scared that this shit will happen again when I commit.
What do I do to:
1. Get over my ex?
2. Get over my fear of commitment?
I would never speak of all this by the way, but I've been lurking around for a few months and you guys give pretty solid advice every once in a while. I was hoping you all could help me.
>1. Get over my ex?
Time. That's really all there is to it. But it requires you to completely cut everything to do with her out of your life. However, it does get easier.
1.5 years ago my ex of 6.5 years and I broke up. She was and still is the only person I've slept with. Yet, aside from the occasional dream, I am completely over her. She has someone new, and I couldn't care less.
I would have never thought I'd feel like this at the beginning, but yeah, time really does heal things.
The commitment and trust issues are really down to you now. You gotta trust in your own ability to be strong no matter what happens. Realise everything is temporary, yet no less meaningful.
>>17130380
I think a big part of the commitment thing is that I've idolized my ex after the breakup, and I feel like I could do better than this current girl.
Because my ex was prettier, basically.
Extremely shallow, yes, but it's some deep-ass scars.
you have to understand, you're a man.
you have to understand, that you can love someone, equally as much as you loved her.
and it can be another girl.
perhaps the next girl you meet, will be as great as her, and many are.
as girly and true. but you are a man. above all, and you can love another girl.
polygamy, not hypergamy.
>>17130592
It's not that I'm hopeless about future endeavours. Not to sound vain or cocky, but I'm at least a 7/10 and I'm pretty sure that girls like my looks. I'm also the "sensitive musician" guy.
I just want to forget and move on. The cost of being sensitive, I guess.
Dreamt about her for the first time in a while again, probably because I made this thread. Woke up and proceeded to have sex with the woman next to me.
