You read the title. I need advice anons.
Thanks in advance
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>>17130329
Both you and your partner need to be physically attracted to each other. A lot. Next you need to be attracted to each other intellectually. A lot. You need to share interests. Like music, enjoying the same food, vidya, books, animes, sitcoms etc.
Last but not least is you and your partner both need to be relationship material. No self harming emo faggots with issues, no clinically depressed people no daddy issues no nothing.
Just be simple people with self respect and common sense who can enjoy the life of your own without needing to clutch on somebody to not feel lonely anymore.
Then the first key for the relationship to work is being 90% honest, the other 10% is never to be mentioned because it is too hurtful for your partner and wouldn't have any effect it it was even mentioned. Always tell your partner how you feel about something. Explain it with metaphors and with simple words if needed. Of course you first need to reflect and understand yourself before you can explain yourself, so do it faggot. Your partner can't have empathy with you if he/she can't understand you and your partner doesn't have some mystic superpowers to understand you even less if you cannot understand yourself you lazy faggot. And don't expect them to have those powers, that's the biggest Bullshit ever.
Second key for your relationship to work till death does part you is maintenance. You need to put effort into it and both parties need to do it equally.
If someone feels down it'll be up to the other to cheer them up and other way round etc. Both partners always need to be understanding, loving, empathetic and patient with each other.
>>17130504
>>17130504
The last key is to always keep close contact. You NEED to see each other daily and have skin contact daily. Regular kisses, cuddling, holding hands or just touching each other you need to do on daily basis.
Have skin to skin contact and sex with each other regularly. No matter how much stress you've had, just let it go and concentrate on the brighter side of life. Appreciate your gorgeous partner and always spare them your time.
If you cuddle a lot, especially without much clothing to feel the warm skin and relaxing touch of your partner, having sex on a regular basis will be easy enough. Usually even if you're not in the mood even innocent cuddling will make you horney.
Also do massages, take your time if your partner is stressed, has a headache etc and massage their shoulders and head. And don't hesitate to ask for massages yourself if you need them. If will make your headache go away as headache 99% of the time stems from stiff shoulders/neck.
Well that's everything I can think of for now.
I'm the 30 year old femanon mom with three kids 6, 3 and 9 months. I've been married to my husband for 10 years now, we've been together for 2 years before marriage. We're very happy with each other and our biggest wish is to get old together.
Shameless bump to spread the word
>>17130504
Oh wow. Not OP but that seems impossible...
>>17130504
>>17130518
This is pretty much it.
I think one of the most important things are intimacy and good communication. Other than being a good match, to start with of course.
Intimacy - me and my boyfriend are not a romantic couple but we are very physical and kind.
We play around a lot, we cuddle all the time, I'm always hugging or kissing him. Every day before bed we cuddle and fuck, in the morning he kisses me before work.
Other than that, we are always very kind to each other: I make him breakfast every morning, he brings me flowers, I prepare his clothes on the bed, he does the grocery.
We also have a lot of silly inside jokes, we talk in stupid voices, we just feel comfortable in our silliness.
When we were living apart, we talked on the phone and slept like that. Even if he got home late, he would call me and we would sleep like that.
Communication: Criticism and support played a huge role in my relationship, maybe because we have been together since a young age. We grew up a lot together. I could ALWAYS say that he was being a piece of shit if he deserved it, and vice versa. We supported each other a lot and helped to work through every sort of issue we had.
We have been honest, but never too honest as the other anon said.
8 years together :)
>>17130760
About the whole leave 10% of what you think out of it, that you agreed with. How do you cope with the idea that things that come out of their mouth are not just part of that 10% when you need them to be honest. I don't know it bothers me because my girlfriend is a bad liar and I can read when she is lying and she thinks it's a helpful time to lie while I think it's not helping and skipping over problems we should discuss. I feel like a controlling asshole though asking her to be 100% truthful all of the time.
>>17130504
>Both you and your partner need to be physically attracted to each other. A lot. Next you need to be attracted to each other intellectually. A lot. You need to share interests. Like music, enjoying the same food, vidya, books, animes, sitcoms etc.
Attraction is important but I know of lasting relationships which didn't have some of those elements. It really depends on what both people look for in relationship.
>The last key is to always keep close contact. You NEED to see each other daily and have skin contact daily.
I'll also call bull on this one but it's more of again - the above matter of expectations. I know relationships where people aren't too touchy and quite introvertic and they absolutely need lots of time, if only to sit peacefully on their own in their home away from people or to do some extra work. In fact, I am one of those - I really care about my girl but if she wouldn't be able to let me lock myself away from people for a day or so from time to time, this thing wouldn't work out.
>>17130329
...Which is what I'd make an important point - make sure you and whoever you want to be with have the same expectations of relationship, share or at least can respect and easily tolerate each other's morality and views regarding roles of the partners and how relationship should work.
Differentiate between infatuation and actual love. Infatuation is that wonderful feeling when you're still "fresh" - days, weeks or just a few months into relationship. It's passionate and full of emotions but you need to keep some guard up and still work extra hard ot make sure it will work out - because after that period, infatuation dies and people start to notice their partners for what they are - people, with their own flaws, differences and shit to deal with.
>>17130893
Communication. This is something I'd agree with >>17130504 about. People aren't telepaths, sometimes if you need something you need to talk about it and if your partner has issues with sharing their own thoughts - you have to be able to ask them what's up (or, long-term help them learn to actually voice their thoughts instead of first expecting you to magically guess and get disappointed when it won't happen - that's just unrealistic or at least unfair expectations). I need to add that you also need to be able to discuss such things and be ready to explain it because shit can still get misunderstood.
Explore and learn about things, develop together. I wrote above that you actually don't have to be alike and compatible in every way, like interests. But it does help. Don't treat lack of such as a deal breaker straight away, hovewer. Learn about what your significant other likes and give it a go - hell, let them try to show you this and that. It's a good way to bond, exchange opinions, learn about each other and together develop as a couple.
Be respectful but assertive. And yet, still able to commit yourself and do little sacrifices four loved one. This one is a bit wonky because like points of the first anon answering you is also dependant on people - and insome relationships it may work less than in others. It depends on dynamics between you two. In general, from my experience I've learned that balanced approach is the best long term most often - you have to be able to stick to beliefs and opinions that are really important and define you, you shouldn't smother with your expectations not let your partner walk all over you. It may bring some little disappointments but if your partner is someone reasonable and thinking of this relationship seriously as well, you two will get over it with time and discussion (or will know at least why you cannot be together without it turning into painful surprise at some bad moment or without one of you suffering).
>>17130917
Take your time and appreciate little things. Small gestures can be wonderful and just showing you care from time to time will take you further than grandiose shows of love once in a blue moon. Don't rush and try to show off - have some trust in your partner and believe that they're with you for you, not just for free shit you may provide them with (unless they are just for freebies and luxuries, in which case you can treat this approach as a way of determining how pure their feelings are).
Don't rush things. Take your time and learn the other person instead of going headfirst into plans for a house, family etc. It's good if you can discuss dreams regarding those with your partner but rushing your life may have dreaful consequences if things won't work out.
Be ready for when they won't, at that. In most relationships, even those really good, there are often rough patches, disagreements, clashes. It's natural, make sure you and your partner is ready and aware of those - lots of romantic preconceptions or dreamy expectations will be probably broken over time and you both need to be ready to work through or around things even when the working will be a pain in the ass. Shiw simply happens - just make sure you both remember that your relationship is worth it. And if it isn't, seriously work to fix it. If that won't work out, then don't blame each other, just accept your differences, break up and move on. It'll be healthier.
Generally, rule of thumb is to work for balance in all things, like nearly in any other sphere of life. Not being distant but not too clingy, neither a slave nor a vain, selfish asshole. Reliable but able to trust with your own worries and problems. Working on yourself but also helping your partner learn what you need. Supporting each other.
>>17130831
>How do you cope with the idea that things that come out of their mouth are not just part of that 10% when you need them to be honest.
Leave it out means leaving it out. It doesn't mean that you should lie. Lying is a no go.
For example there might be guys hitting on you all the time at a party, because that's what usually happens if you go out. All the time. You ignore them and tell them to beat it because you love your partner and just concentrate to have fun with your girlfriend who happens to have birthday.
Do you tell your partner you got hit on when you come home? It isn't necessary and would only make him feel uncomfortable and nothing would be gained if you told him. So leave it and tell your partner about all the other fun things that happened that night.
Or you have amazing sex usually but this time you're a little tired. The sex was nice but not as mind blowing like usual. He asks you how it was and you answer "very nice". Because why involve him in something that he isn't even responsible for and something that isn't worth mentioning because you know next time will be amazing again? Telling the absolute truth (it was nice but not mind blowing like usual because blah blah.....) Would only load some weight on his shoulders for nothing important. Because you know he would care and wonder if it was possibly his fault. Again nothing gained by telling the absolute truth.
Before you go ahead and blabber about anything that comes to your mind think about the consequences first. And then decide if it's better to be left out or not because you are considerate of your partner. This is what we mean by leave out 10% of the truth.
>>17130718
It's easier than you might think.
>>17130893
>I'll also call bull on this one but it's more of again - the above matter of expectations.
>I really care about my girl but if she wouldn't be able to let me lock myself away from people for a day or so from time to time, this thing wouldn't work out.
How long have you been together even?
It's not bullshit, close physical contact is VERY important. If you do not maintain it, along the years the relationship inevitably cools of.
It is also a proven fact that skinship helps your body produce endorphins. So yeah love is your drug if you do it right.
This is how our human brains work.
Whenever we start fighting over bullshit reasons it'll occur to me we forgot to have close skinship. And we'll just stop fighting and start cuddling. It calms us down then we can talk about what was frustrating us in the first place and all of the time we find out it was just a simple misunderstanding.
You live your relationship how you like but don't be one of those guys who starts a thread because "suddenly I don't love my girlfriend anymore. I need to break up because there's this hot chick I can't stop thinking about." Or "my girlfriend just broke up with me. She told me suddenly she doesn't love me anymore. What do I do? I'm so broken".
Also did you know that even newborn babies will just die off if you don't give them love by skin contact? By gently hugging kissing and caressing their body/skin? There was a cruel experiment made where hundreds of newborn have been feeded and changed diapers with as less physical contact as possible. All the newborn died of unknown reasons and the experiment was cancelled.
>>17130954
>Take your time and appreciate little things
I absolutely agree with this.
>>17131686
>implying that everyone is physical and that everyone values it as the same
Skinship has its role but it's not absolute necessity - not in every case. It really depends on what are couple's expectations. Which makes it a good advice: make sure you both seek the same things in relationship or at least can provide each other with what the other one seeks.
>>17130504
>>17130518
fuck, anon, this made me tear up.
>>17132371
>it's not absolute necessity
Well I disagree with this. Especially in the long run, +10, +20, +30 years of relationship it is an absolute necessity. This is how you were programmed as a human anyways. See the newborn story. Btw whenever I see a very very old couple on the streets (+70 years) they're holding hands snuggly side by side, shopping groceries, walking, etc.
I wish to end up like that with my husband.
Why are you so against it anyways anon? Try and see, it won't hurt you, it feels very nice and is very relaxing.
>Talk
>Compromise on everything
>Don't dismiss their feelings - even if they're unreasonable they're still feelings
>Your pride is meaningless
>If you're being a cunt; stop
Bump for more please.
>>17133307
