>>17129418
You say medication doesn't help you. Who did you get that from?

>>17129418
I have bipolar, and self-awareness is god. You just need to be able to tell yourself, "I feel this way because of a mood swing", acknowledge the feeling, and then say "this isn't me, this is the mood swing, fuck off mood swing".

I mean y'know I still feel like shit most of the time and have the occasional rage-out but generally it's nice to have a social life, go on dates and actually leave my room.

But practice makes perfect man, you need to keep at it and always make sure you're not suppressing the feelings. Acknowledge that they're there, and logically move past them.

After that the next step is trying to work out what's logically real between your feelings and your mood swing when you're 3 months into a suicidal depression or when you're sprinting across train tracks 'cause you're invincible.

But keep trying bro, it gets better as we learn to manage it.

>>17129453
Psychiatrist.
I mean it does help sometimes, but I cant notice a pattern. It doesn't last. Then I'll get restless or angry at the fact that it's not working properly and I'll stop taking the meds. Will become even more emotional. After a few days I start taking it, and the moods tame again. And so forth

>>17129475
As far as I know, you can be totally normal and perhaps happy in between bipolar episodes. Is that true?
I'd rather not have self awareness, if I'm gonna suck to hell and back I may as well not be aware of how much I do suck. I'm trying to rationalize everything, be aware of it and even say 'this is not me' but then inevitably, having had these changing emotions since forever, the question will pop up 'who am i? which one of these emotions/modes?'
>when you're sprinting across train tracs 'cause you're invincible
this actually sounds nice, to have that kind of self ocnfidence and feeling of invincibility. Does it last at least a week

You have BPD?

>>17129509
I'm
>>17129475

But yeah, between episodes I can be normal and happy or apathetic or whatever. But that only lasts for 2 - 3 months at a time.
Generally my manic phases last around a month to 3, my depressed phases are much longer too.
But mania sucks worse than the depression. With depression you just have to stabilize yourself and hunker down till it blows over. It's awful, but when you're manic you get such a headrush of delusions. It destroys your life. I once hit a manic phase without realizing it immediately, and ended up breaking up with my long-term girlfriend and starting a relationship with somebody who I barely knew, who fucked me over later down the line when I got depressed again. Mania can suck ass.

My best advice would be to see a doctor about a referral to a psychiatrist or something, and to start keeping a journal.
Not a proper journal journal, but a mood journal, so you can look at where your moods have gone over time. It's really good for looking at how you change over time and finding a sense of what you might have that's wrong.

>>17129587
Yes, I have BPD. I assumed I had it before the evaluation and was waiting it out since in a few places i've read that it fades with age but I guess thats not the case. I hate this so much, not saying it's worse than your illness but i'd rather have bipolar or schizo or whatever else than this shit that implies a broken or empty personality. There's b arely any foundation on which to build or work on in therapy and generally speaking

Doesn't the medication relatively work at least for the depression phase? You did say you feel like shit most of the time
At which point do you get the impression/certainty that you're having or about to have a manic episode?

>>17130062
ugh yea first paragraph was for the other anon

>>17130067
>>17130062
or not rofl I think i confused the two of you, unless you're the same person

>>17129587
How did you realize that you were bipolar? I've suspected it for quite some time but i'm not sure and know self diagnosis is bad. I can't afford a psychiatrist so don't tell me to go to one.