You are in such a situation that she shouldn't talk shit to you, try to talk reason with her, if she is still acting like a bitch you should ignore her and not bend to her will, like sleeping by the couch because that makes no damn sense, you are working your ass off and need to get some sleep dude. You have to set limits in life or you gonna get rekt.

This sounds like a really horrific situation.
The fact that your wife is so paranoid and threatened over masturbation to the point of making you sleep on the floor is fucking nuts. It may just be that she's using that as an excuse because she doesn't want to sleep away from you since you have so little time together, but it's still a shitty thing to do.

You can't be an amazing husband and father if your family never gets to see you, or if you fucking die because you passed out behind the wheel from sheer exhaustion.

Something here needs to change.

>>17129054
>>17129059

I didn't really want to talk bad about my wife but I guess I need to. I maintain the peace because my wife used tl be physically abusive to me. I love my kids far too much to have them see this kind of behavior so i fake everything so they can have a better life. We almost got divorced af one point because of her violence but the legal system was fully prepared to fuck me hard so i just gave up and said "you know what hun you were right all along". It is an incredibly long story so I don't know if you would want to read a massive wall of text.

>>17129079

Jesus christ, dude.

Is there any way you can work less hours, at least, just so you can keep it together?

Don't quote me on this, but once the kids reach a certain age, I think they're generally able to choose which parent to live with.
I have a friend who got fucked over in a situation like this where his dad didn't get custody. Lived with his abusive cunt of a mother the first 14 years of his life and was then able to go live with his dad, but by then it was sort of 'damage done'.

Maybe you can find a way to manage things so you can stick it out for a certain amount of time, until you're able to divorce her and take the kids with you. You'd obviously want to talk to a lawyer about that though.
And that's not exactly an ideal plan, since 10+ years is a long fucking time, even without all this bullshit.

>>17129114
I am in a hole right now and can't move so finding a new job is out of the question. Once these obstacles clear I will be able to move on, maybe find something with less hours. As far as the abuse goes, I am in a better place. It is all passive aggressiveness, shaming, and guilt tripping. I have come to recognize these traits and just nod my head and agree with her but its demoralizing to me. I don't really want to divorce her I strongly feel my kids deserve better than see a broken family. Im so fucking torn. On one hand I know its better for me in the long run to split but on the other hand if I keep up the illusion my kids will have a caring and supportive father around when they need one. It feels wrong but it would destroy me to be away from them and only see them every other weekend they truly are my angels. I just want to taste freedom again but is the risk worth cost? Would it be selfish to leave?

OP I don't have much advice to offer, but I truly feel for you. When I read your story I see a man who is trapped in his own life with no idea on how to escape.

Not all children are traumatized by divorce, that's all I will say. If you decide to leave do your best to maintain a relationship with them and when they are older they will understand. I honestly don't think staying with your wife is a viable option. She is mentally and physically abusive and I doubt she will change any time soon. Good luck OP. No matter what you decide.

>>17129144

Kids aren't stupid, once they reach a certain age they'll probably be able to tell that something's wrong.
And I really hate to say this, but there's a risk that comes with pretending this is all normal, modelling a really bad relationship for them which they'll take into adulthood as an image of default expectations of what a relationship looks like.
Pretending things are good isn't the same as actually being good. Divorce is never ideal, but sometimes it's the best option people have.

I'm not telling you to divorce her, I'm just saying don't rule it out. And even if you come to that decision, you don't necessarily have to do it right away, you can take some time to get yourself in a good position of being able to see your kids enough etc.

>>17129185
I understand and I do agree. I just wish there was some other way. I offen wonder that the future may get better if I hold on longer. Sometimes I wish I could be allowed some time to hang out with a bro every now and then(though I have none lost them all due to my wife's issues) I feel even that alone would give me enough sense of identity to hold on. I mean I have been through hell and back. Every now and then I dwell on the thought of divorce but it just tears me apart. I think I could be on my own with free time to unwind every night, maybe drink a beer or two, read, or watch tv. Just last night as I was putting my son to bed and he legit tells me, "daddy your the best daddy in the whole wide wowold" I nearly broke down in tears. Who am I to be so selfish when there is someone so innocent like him in the world.

>>17129209
>hang out with a bro every now and then(though I have none lost them all due to my wife's issues)

I can't speak for your friends, but when my friends and I lost one of our own to an abusive woman (not married, no kids), we were ready on the sidelines for him the entire time. Just felt too iced out and powerless to help the guy after a certain point (he eventually found his way back to us, thankfully).
So it's possible your friends would still be there for you if you're ever able to get back in contact, even if it's been a long silence. But even if they aren't, there are plenty of people out there.

My best advice is get some vague long term plan so you have something to hold onto. Whether it's having a set plan to eventually reduce your hours, or an expiry date on the marriage where you can leave your wife without having to miss out on your kids, etc. Just something.

>>17129243
That is some pretty sound advice, thank you. I like the idea of a long term plan and hokding onto that as time passes. Nothing is guaranteed and it is always a possibility that my wife becomes physical again, if so this will be my escape no matfer the legal repercussions. She has "relapsed" ,in a sense, before and there is just no excuse for it.

>>17129272

You sound like a really good guy, it sucks that you're in this position. I hope it all works out for you some day.
The way divorce and domestic violence laws are structured, your position sadly isn't that uncommon, even if it's under appreciated. I don't personally know of any, but if you do some googling, I'm sure you'd able to find some support networks to help see you through in the mean time, connect you with people who can empathise and give you experienced info. Might be a nice thing.

>>17129296
sadly, when I started the divorce process my wife hired a shark like lawyer. He adviced her to get into a batfered womans shelter to make me look bad. Then he advised her to talk to our District Attorney who is a balls to the wall mofo when it comes to domestic abuse. She did and he believed her. I was hit hard with threats of jail time and fines all of which I was not responsible for I never harmed her. She also get the police to intimdate me. They would come over and harrass me saying, "how could a 6' man such as yourself get beat up by this little woman". This fucking world sucks.

also sorry for gramatical mistakes, i am using an old beat up device as I have to hide this sort of stuff.

Ur wife misses u and it must be terrible to be alone with cabin fever, while u r busy at work running around...she might be a bitch because she is jealous u have a life, not sure but hope u don't go around acting like she owes u shit because u put a roof n food over her table..take testastarone pills n fuck her many many times per day, at least three or she will stress u the fuck out if u don't "get her done"