My gf told me there's some guy trying to put the moves on her and she told me she's gonna cut off contact with him. However, she refuses to tell me his name or show me what he looks like even though I've assured her I won't go picking a fight or anything. This bothers me, if she's got nothing to hide why would she refuse to tell me his name and all that. Should I bring it up? Or am I just being insecure and is it not worth the argument it will most likely spawn.
Do you not trust her to deal with him?
She likes making you jealous without dealing with the consequences. It's an easy way to make you protective and defensive over her without her actually cheating or you beating the shit out of someone.
You don't give her the attention she wants or she'll make a habit out of this.
>>17128563
I guess i don't fully trust her
>>17128574
She has complained that I don't give her enough attention/affection in the past. I've tried to do a better job of this but she also knows that I wasn't raised to be that kind of touchy feely guy. I hug and kiss her all the time now though, I try yknow?
>>17128589
>I guess i don't fully trust her
Then you probably shouldn't be with her. This will become an issue at some point.
>>17128589
>I guess i don't fully trust her
Then you need to deal with this.
>>17128589
Then she's trying to provoke jealousy in order to make you show affection. You need to sit and talk to her about this maturely. She's not cheating on you, but she is emotionally unfulfilled and you really have to do something about it.
>>17128594
Idk man it's been a year, her and I get along pretty well for the most part plus her family have all met me and all that (they're Asian so I feel lucky that they accepted me somewhat)
Also she's super hot so
>>17128603
How do I bring it up without making her feel attacked and go on the offensive herself
>>17128605
Just be straight forward but don't be angry. Just tell her you think she's trying to make you feel protective because you don't show enough affection but you're not upset about it, you just want to talk because you've been thinking about it. Best case scenario is she was trying to make you feel protective and you talk about it. Worst case scenario is that she wasn't but she still wants you to show affection so showing you've been thinking about it will seem sweet to her.
There's no real bad outcome as long as you don't act like an accusative retard.
>>17128617
Thanks mate
>>17128617
Idk about the protective thing though she has expressed in the past that I'm a bit over protective
>>17128628
Complaining you don't show enough affection but also complaining you're too protective of her doesn't make much sense. Overprotectiveness implies you're clingy and smother her with affection, not the other way around.
However, if she really thought you were overprotective why would she tell you about this guy other than to provoke a reaction? There's obviously a reason she said this to you.
>>17128628
>Idk about the protective thing though she has expressed in the past that I'm a bit over protective
Yeah, she's not trying to make you feel jealous on purpose, thats stupid.
>However, she refuses to tell me his name or show me what he looks like even though I've assured her I won't go picking a fight or anything.
Maybe she's not telling you because she knows you're overprotective and she knows you'll add stress and drama to a situation that she has under control.
She's a woman. Men will try to put the moves on her all the time whether she's in a relationship or not and its unrealistic for you to think you can go after every single one. She's a big girl, she can handle herself, and if things cross the line or she needs your help I'm sure she wouldn't hesitate to ask you but I think in this situation you're trying to force your help on her and she doesn't need it.
The fact that you don't trust her to handle these situations on her own is a bigger issue than some guy hitting on her.
My girlfriend works in a shopping complex and dudes hit on her all the time; guys coming in, guys she works with. They know she has a boyfriend but it happens all the time and all the time she politely turns them down, goes about her day, and as of yet hasn't told me that any of them have crossed the line. If one of them does go to far I'm more than willing to step in but I also trust that she is capable of handling herself.
Trust her to be an adult. If she asks for help, help her, if she doesn't ask, let it go. Sometimes being a man means knowing when not to puff your chest out and get all aggressive over shit.
>>17128645
Man you're where I want to be on the issue, I guess my emotional maturity is lacking. The fact that he knows she's with me but continues that shit really stirs something inside me, it didn't bother you at all? How did you get over it if you did
>>17128654
>The fact that he knows she's with me but continues that shit really stirs something inside me, it didn't bother you at all? How did you get over it if you did
I got over it with age and experience, man. The thing is you can't control your partner. Being overprotective or hovering over her won't make her stay if it isn't meant to be.
When I make a commitment to be with someone I make a commitment to trust them. Trust them means giving them the benefit of the doubt even if your own insecurity and inner bullshit is telling you otherwise.
If they ever break that trust, its over, but you can't be afraid to trust them.
My girlfriend gets hit on and propositioned and people message her and even try to buy her things at work but at the end of the day she comes home to me. Not anyone else. Me.
That's what you need to focus on, dude. Not that other guys want her or that she won't tell you ever single detail to every single interaction she has. Focus on the fact that she chose you.
Women like a man who will protect them but they typically don't like men who try to own them. That's where you have to be careful.
If she needs help, be there for her, but in this situation she has already said she is cutting off contact. She handled the situation and wants to leave it at that, just trust her.
If you can't trust her or won't trust her, find a girl you can trust. Its that simple. None of your relationships will work if you don't trust them. None.
>>17128668
Thanks man, this is the kind of stuff I often need to hear
