(I am a guy) So i have had the same best friend since middle school. That friend happens to be a girl. I recently complained to her that my gf was not being affectionate enough, and she basically said
>tell me how you want her to act, i will act that way, it will make her jealous and she will try to do the same
And so we have been doint that, and it works perfectly, but i have been sort of feeling bad. Is it wrong i an letting my best friend make my girl friend jealous so that she will be more affectionate?
I say no my girlfriend isn't affectionate either and its really painful to see everybody else's gf being extremely affectionate while mine barely aknowledges me even thought I'm trying to be affectionate myself.
The fact that you're asking means that you know it's wrong.
>>17126675
Alright, i will admit that. I do feel bad about it, but i am only doing it to bond with my gf more. So i dont know if it is a necessary evil kind of thing.
>>17126684
It's not a necessary evil, no. If you were an adult, you'd talk to your girlfriend, not run to your friend to have her help you play games with your girlfriend and manipulate her. What are you, 14?
>>17126694
I did talk to my gf about it. She said she would try. It did not work. I went to my friend for advice and that is what she suggested and it has worked pretty much exactly how she said it would.
>>17126698
Your 'best friend' is an attentionwhoring little cow who is jealous of your girlfriend, just so you know.
My gf is just very cold. I do care about her, but it is very frustrating when she is like that. It has kind of gotten to a point where i might break up with her, but i dont really want to do that.
>>17126706
How about you shut up with the excuses and stop trying to pass the blame for your shitty actions onto your girlfriend?
>>17126714
That mentality is stupid.
>x is bothering me
>STOP MAKING EXCUSES!
>but i am looking for ways to solve it
>STOOOOOOOPP MAKIGN EXCUSJSHFBJ
>>17126714
This.
Jesus christ I'm a fuckin' robot man and I think the problem is you, not the woman.
You either jumped into a relationship without knowing what she's like (DUMB) or you got into that relationship knowing she's cold, and expected her to be a completely different person (DUMBER).
Either way, you were stupid, did a horrible, manipulate thing that's probably made her feel like shit just to cancel out the stupid? And then you blamed her?
You're as bad as all the women who get with obviously violent guys and wonder why they get beat.
Or who get with Chad's and professional athletes and wonder why they cheat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
It's on you, idiot.
>>17126727
But he's not looking for ways to solve it. He's looking for validation that what he's doing isn't wrong. That's literally his question
>Is it wrong i an letting my best friend make my girl friend jealous so that she will be more affectionate?
anon, i dont see anything wrong with what you're doing.
just because you're doing something behind her back, doesn't make it inherently wrong. there are no losers in this situation. alot of what a person learns in this world isn't through communication. it's with their senses and understanding what is "real."
Your gf's lack of affection implies a lack of respect for you in a sense. she doesn't seem to place an immense amount of value on you because she views you as part of herself/property. When you first start dating someone, they pull out all the stops to try and gain affection and interest from the other person. Once they've got you, they stop doing what they initially did because they've achieved their goal.
You're simply showing her that you are not just a trophy she earned and now doesn't need to think about. You are a hot commodity and she is understanding that day by day. A small amount of jealousy can be healthy in a relationship as long as it doesn't breed resentment.
An open communicative relationship in which both sides understand each other and make sacrifices for the other without thought of themselves is obviously the ideal, but it's not reality. Human beings, especially in this day and age, don't behave this way.
You are not morally wrong here, it is not until you start taking advantage of someone that you have faulted. Everyone manipulates people on a daily basis, consciously or subconsciously. Makeup is a manipulation. A shiny car is manipulation. Dating before a relationship is 99% manipulation.
Do your thing OP, keep the passion in your relationship.
>>17126729
She was always kind of a cold person, but she was a lot more affectionate when we first began the relationship. It just became less so and more routine at a certain point.
I also think that this is okay as long as what you're doing with your best friend doesn't go any further then what's happening
>>17126745
Yes. We are in brother/sister zone with each other, it is kind of funny seeing her act that way.
Question: how would you feel if she did the same stuff with her male best friend?
I believe why he's doing it is more important then the action itself because he's doing it to get more attention from his gf but if his gf started doing it with her male best friend it would solely matter on why she's doing it
>>17126752
Bad. But i would be a little more understanding if i realized it was just a cry for attention to me and that nothing was actually going on.
Nah dude. If it works why stop? Plus it sounds like you're in high school and this relationship wont last considering one of you is probably going to move for college and yeah. Just have fun with it, it's a free for all.
>>17126744
>She was always kind of a cold person
So you did know. DUMB.
>but she was a lot more affectionate when we first began the relationship.
This is literally EVERY RELATIONSHIP. There is even a phrase for this exact thing - "honeymoon phase". The love is still young and it's exciting.
But it eventually calms down. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, it means she's fucking comfortable around you.
>It just became less so and more routine at a certain point.
Again, every relationship.
Jesus Christ, you've made her feel insecure and jealous and shit just to make yourself feel better. Do you even give a fuck about her?
I've just realised, you're everything I hate in women.
You got into a shitty relationship, knowing it'll be shitty because you just aren't comparable, complained about the relationship being shitty, then blamed the other person in the relationship and made them feel like shit for it instead. The worst part is, you have no idea how any of this is your own fault.
You are literally a woman in a man's body. Holy shit, I think I finally understand what trannies are now.
Are you retarded? First off your gf will hate your best friend. It won't be something that will fix over time because in your gf's eyes she is severely disrespecting her and you (which she is). If this stupid plan works there will forever be problems between your gf and friend which your gf won't trust her around you. You are introducing problems into the relationship.
Your relationship will not last if you can't communicate your wants and needs to your gf. If you can't communicate something as small as wanting more affection then it's time to throw in the towel.
>>17126762
And how would you realise this was 'just a cry for attention'? Mind reading? Do you expect her to read your mind too?
>>17126770
You sound mad.
>>17126772
>Your relationship will not last if you can't communicate your wants and needs to your gf. If you can't communicate something as small as wanting more affection then it's time to throw in the towel.
I did communicate that. I flat out told her i really need more affection, i am feeling lonely as fuck and its like we are not in a relationship anymore. She said ok, and promised ahe would try harder. Nothing ever came of that.
>>17126773
No, I am saying if i found out my gf's guy friend and her were doing that just for more attention from me, i would be very sympathetic.
>>17126797
>No, I am saying if i found out my gf's guy friend and her were doing that just for more attention from me, i would be very sympathetic.
Yeah, and I'm saying how do you expect her to know why you're fucking around with your friend?
Honestly, just break up with your girlfriend. She can do better.
>>17126803
>Yeah, and I'm saying how do you expect her to know why you're fucking around with your friend?
I dont expect her to. Not sure where the fuck you are getting this, it would not work if it was obvious that was what we were doing.
>>17126809
So how the fuck does this solve anything in your relationship? She just ends up not trusting you and your friend, and it destroys your relationship that way. Seriously, ARE you 14? Because this is something that only a retarded teenager could rationalise
>>17126797
>You sound mad.
You sound like you've ran out of excuses to rationalise your shitty behaviour, so you're instead resorting to discredit me.
Can't tell if woman or troll...
To be fair, I'm being incredibly sexist. Women are shitty people, but I know some of them who are alot more decent than you.
>>17126812
It solves the affection problem, because it has worked? She has been much more close since this started
Also, nice ad hominem.
>>17126797
you would be sympathetic because you are experiencing it right now. you need to look at it from her perspective, technically there's nothing wrong with being a cold/non-intimate person
here's a piece of general dating advice:
know what you're getting yourself into and keep it lax, if there's an issue communicate properly (checkmark here) and if nothing is fixed, break up and move on.
this isn't to say you need to break up at the first sight of a problem, but if a problem persists in the relationship the thing you should be doing is breaking up and not trying to play manipulation games to try to change a person to fit your liking
you aren't compatible with her, deal with it. break up. the moment you try changing another person to fit your tastes should the moment you realize it's time to cut it short. good luck
>>17126819
Okay kiddo, enjoy your healthy relationship. Why did you make this thread if you didn't want people to disagree with you?
>>17126814
Yoj did not actually put anything worth responding too. Hence i gave you an answer with the same value as your post. Keep flipping out though, it is genuinely hysterical.
>>17126828
And here we see OP getting madder and madder with every post which doesn't kiss his ass and tell him that he's 100% in the right. You're cute, OP.
>>17126641
Oh God, you're doomed for failure for all of life if you don't man up, man-child. You don't solve relationship problems with passive-aggressive bullshit head games.
>>17126826
I have no problem with people disagreeing with me, i just toss posts out the window when they deliberately insult me.
>>17126838
If you say so, sweetie. I suggest refraining from posting here until you grow a thicker skin if you get so assmad so easily.
>>17126835
Insult me all you want, but at the end of the day, you are completely powerless yo change the situation. So rage all you want at your keyboard.
>>17126846
I'm not even the anon you were responding to. I don't really care what you do, I was just responding to the question you asked. Don't make threads and ask for opinions if you can't handle ones that don't line up with your own.
>>17126850
What question did i ask in that post?
>>17126838
>I have no problem with people disagreeing with me, i just toss posts out the window when they deliberately insult me.
And when they say stuff that doesn't agree with you...
This thread is a troll, I'm not posting back here. You obviously aren't here for advice, you're here to hear the "Oh, OP, you're so right, you couldn't do anything bad ever".
Want coddling?
Do what every other teenage girl does and cry on tumblr.
Bitch.
Damn, if I had a mic here, I'd drop it here.
>>17126856
>Is it wrong i an letting my best friend make my girl friend jealous so that she will be more affectionate?
> Is it wrong i an letting my best friend make my girl friend jealous so that she will be more affectionate?
I don't know if you realise this, but you made a whole thread asking for opinions.
>>17126858
Peace. Have a nice day!
>>17126641
Have you considered dumping your girlfriend and banging your best friend instead?
>>17126860
Yeah. Except you were not responding to a single one of them in your post.
>>17126867
Yeah, but you're getting mad at anyone who disagrees with you ITT.
>>17126871
Nah, i only argued with people who insulted me. Was totally fine with constructive criticism. Not just useless name calling.
Don't invest in people who you need to manipulate into acting the way you want them to.
Yes, what you are doing is wrong, you are actively and willfully undermining her sense of security in the relationship so you get the desired effect. You are also entrusting a cunning female friend with a personal issue in your relationship - I'd doubt that you would be happy if she turned to her male friends to talk about what was lacking between you two in her eyes.
But, referring back to the first point, you are wasting your time. There are plenty of girls who would either naturally be affectionate, or make a sincere effort after expressing your needs in this regard. Why stay with one who you need to trick into it instead...
>>17126770
>This is literally EVERY RELATIONSHIP. There is even a phrase for this exact thing - "honeymoon phase". The love is still young and it's exciting
That does not mean that the spark has to completely leave the relationship
>Jesus Christ, you've made her feel insecure and jealous and shit just to make yourself feel better. Do you even give a fuck about her?
If i did not care about her, i would have just broken up with her. I did not want to do that.
The rest of that post os just useless insults.
>First off your gf will hate your best friend. It won't be something that will fix over time because in your gf's eyes she is severely disrespecting her and you (which she is). If this stupid plan works there will forever be problems between your gf and friend which your gf won't trust her around you. You are introducing problems into the relationship.
Yes, this does make sense.
>>17126803
>She can do better.
Pointless insult.
>>17126814
Another insult post
>>17126825
>nothing is fixed, break up and move on
This also makes sense, but i dont want to break up with her if possible. Maybe it is not possible. But when my friend offered me a solution that appears to work, i jumped at it
>>17126836
So how do you solve them when communication does not work? Or just break up in that case?
>>17126889
>Yes, what you are doing is wrong, you are actively and willfully undermining her sense of security in the relationship so you get the desired effect.
Yes that is true, and long term i guess i get thst, but it has been working short term and was hoping something would just click.
>You are also entrusting a cunning female friend with a personal issue in your relationship - I'd doubt that you would be happy if she turned to her male friends to talk about what was lacking between you two in her eyes.
She is like my sister, i trust her completely not to do that.
>Why stay with one who you need to trick into it instead.
I just wanted that one problem to go away.
But look, i get that this probably wont work long term, so i guess i will break up with her after finals week.
>>17126945
First of all, it's not about what you think of this female friend. I did not mean to insinuate that she wants to hook up with you. What it's about is you trying to solve this issue not with your girlfriend, but by airing it out to another woman. If you found out that your girlfriend had heart to hearts about what she didn't get from you with some guy, and he proposed solutions that involved being lovey dovey together, would you be impressed with her gushing about how much she trusts him? Of course not because it's not about that, it's about her stepping outside the relationship to another man to analyze your failings as a boyfriend. That hurts and is a breach of trust regardless of how justified her(/your) feelings are.
"That one problem" isn't some godly stroke of misfortune. It is about how she is wired as a person and what her natural way of acting is. You've seen her fired up in the most early honeymoon phase, now she's reverting back to her normal. You even brought it up to her and she shot you down.
People -can- change, but in reality very rarely do. Wanting to get with someone minus "this one little thing they (don't) do" is not a real thing. It's package deal or nothing. And this is not even getting into your idea that since honest, open communication did not work, mind games must make the relationship better. Honestly even if something would click because of this manipulation, rather than because of your heartfelt cry for a change in attitude, that would be fucked up of her to begin with.
Also, how long do you think it is until she can't bear the constant digs at her position as your girlfriend anymore, and will look for her own external source of self esteem and power in the relationship?
>>17126959
>What it's about is you trying to solve this issue not with your girlfriend, but by airing it out to another woman
I did try going to my gf first, it just did not work. I ended up going to my best friend because i trust their advice.
>it's not about that, it's about her stepping outside the relationship to another man to analyze your failings as a boyfriend.
My best friend just happens to be a girl, is did.not necessarily go to her because of that, i went simply because i confide a lot of shit in her.
>It is about how she is wired as a person and what her natural way of acting is
Yeah, i do get this.
>that would be fucked up of her to begin with
Yeah i understand, i just wanted a last ditch attempt to save the relatonship.
>Also, how long do you think it is until she can't bear the constant digs at her position as your girlfriend anymore, and will look for her own external source of self esteem and power in the relationship?
You are probably right, i have decided it would probably be for the best to break up with her, just gonna wait until finals are over this friday. Thank you for the advice though.
>>17126641
Just want to clarify something op. You went to your best friend for advice on how to make your gf more affectionate, and her suggestion was
>let me make her jealous and insecure so she is scared you will leave her for me, and that will make her try harder.
You dont sound like a great person yourself, but she sounds like a genuine sociopath.
>>17127077
That is just how woman think. She approached the problem like a woman, op is just a bitch for going along with it.
