My boyfriend's brother is severely disabled (mentally and physically) and is starting to recognise me and be happy to see me. While this sounds cute, it means that he'll shuffle over to shake my hand. More than half of the time, this is a hand that is covered in a combination of the following: drool, ketchup, brown sauce (which makes me gag), tea, snot, juice or food residue. Of course I shake his hand when it's clean, but this usually isn't the case.
I'm at my boyfriend's parents house now helping with a few things, and his brother essentially backed me into a corner to shake my hand while it was covered in drool, ketchup and brown sauce (again, makes me gag). I felt extremely uncomfortable and I think his mum saw my discomfort, she just ended up calling him away from me.
Now here's the elephant in the room. Some day, myself and my boyfriend might have to take care of him if his parents die. I want to talk to either my boyfriend or his parents about being uncomfortable around the drool and mess, but that's going to open the can of worms of "Well how are you going to take care of him one day?".
I don't know how the hell to approach this situation. I don't want to be a monster and I don't want to look heartless, but the germs are really stressing me out and it might grow into a bigger issue from here.
wut is brown sauce
I would send him to a nurse/mental hospital
>>17126310
I can't think of a good way to describe it, so here's the Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_sauce
My boyfriend's mother made him promise that they wouldn't put him in a home if both parents die. They're too afraid of negligent carers and people mistreating him.
>>17126275
>I don't know how the hell to approach this situation.
Your boyfriend will always love his disabled brother and he will always expect you to be nice and welcoming to him.
Either make some concerted effort to wash your hands more or find a new boyfriend. If you're honestly uncomfortable around it then you and your boyfriend's lives just aren't compatible.
I work with disabled adults so I may have a bit of a biased but I just wash my hands, dude. Its not that terrible. I also have a thing with one of my clients where instead of shaking her hand I've worked with her to greet me with a hip bump or "bows" where we bump elbows like football players. I dunno, get creative.
>>17126332
I always have it in my head that they'll get very offended if I go off to wash my hands after touching him. There have been times where I thought his hand was clean, I've shaken it and it's had a puddle of drool in the middle. I then pretend I need to go to the bathroom and just scrub my hands clean.
Would asking if they take offence to me washing my hands if there's drool or sauce or food on his hands be a good way to open up discussions? I just really don't want to look like a horrible person.
>>17126275
Its gonna sound cruel, but try basic dog training, start associating seeing you with something other than shaking your hand. Get him interested in doing something else, Get him to wipe his own hands, have a special towel that he recognizes that he uses for you etc etc...
Talk to your BF and his parents, don't say that you wont care for the drooling freak, go for the you want to be able to take care of him the best you can.
>>17126332
>>17126350
This is what I meant, not treating humans like dogs.
>>17126342
In my experience most people are uncomfortable around people with disabilities until they actually spend a decent amount of time with them. Dont worry you are not offending anyone. Unless youre genuinely mean/making joles about it.
>>17126275
He sounds like a typical British male. What's the problem?
>>17126342
>Would asking if they take offence to me washing my hands if there's drool or sauce or food on his hands be a good way to open up discussions?
Absolutely not. If they get offended that you wash your hands after shaking hands with him that's their problem, not yours. He's covered in mess, it would be ridiculous of them to expect you to just walk around with that stuff on your hands.
Its perfectly fine to wash your hands after touching him. I wash my hands several times while I'm at work but its never a disgust thing, I just like to stay clean and realize working with disabled adults is going to be a little unsanitary.
Like I said, you can also make a game out of it and start getting him to do fist bumps or something. I do that trick with one of my clients who constantly sticks her hands in her pants and it works wonders.
>>17126355
>>17126350
It's a good thought, but he can't really clean himself or wipe his own hand. He only has one functional hand as his right hand is curled into his wrist, so he relies on other people to clean him. I would be happy to clean him up before shaking his hand, but I'm also afraid of offending the family similarly to running off and washing my hands.
>>17126356
I would never, ever make jokes at his expense. I'll take your word for it as you seem to have a good amount of experience, I've just never seen anyone else wash their hands around him and I don't want to look like a cold hearted bitch.
>>17126362
This is great advice, thank you for your help.
Also, thank you so much for everything that you do. It's not an easy job and you're a big person for doing it.
>>17126275
woof. how long have you been dating your boyfriend?
are you really willing to raise a retard? he might outlive you you know, how hard will it be living a life with that burden?
